Reviews for A Darkened Sky
Lady DreamWriter chapter 1 . 6/20/2008
Whoa. Once again, this is a very powerful piece. I love the image of the betrayer versus the betrayed that you used. This piece brings to mind the old saying ‘All that glitters is not gold’. Even though what the people in this piece had was one fine, it takes real strength to say: “No, I’ve had enough of the faint praise. I want- no, I need- something more than that now.”

A great piece, I can’t wait to read more from you!


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Seigetsu Ren chapter 1 . 6/11/2008
Reviewers-found! (I think I may have written that wrong in my previous review)

I'm not very good at Old English, so I don't think it is right for me to comment too much on it. I found it very disturbing though. It made your piece of writing very hard to understand. Nevertheless, it does fit the mood of the piece; so in my opinion, I think the use of Old English here has its ups and downs.

I wonder, what does the first line mean? It is not written in English, so perhaps you can explain to us its meaning?

I'm also confused at why God become Father of Lies. Perhaps you can elaborate?

I also found certain metaphors to be very confusing. What does "the steadfast gleam of the unsheathed sword" represent?

It is an interesting perspective though. I think it would be more enjoyable if you could be a bit clearer in your writing. Hope that helps!
pete's sake delete the account chapter 1 . 12/24/2007
Hm, again this is a little hard for me to review. There are some grammatical errors, and the old-English terminology makes things complicated. "Existence of thine", for example, is a bit awkward. I'd recommend probably "thine existence". Also, in English there's a poetic thing we do where we capitalize all nouns that refer to God, like "Father" and "Thine" and maybe even "Flesh."

I can tell this is from Satan's perspective. You don't really explain how God became the Father of Lies, and for me it's a little hard to see what "for this" means. Because of a lie? Again, what lie?

It's really interesting.
Sir Scott chapter 1 . 11/4/2007
I like the Biblical references in this poem.

Keep up the good work.

M.F. Hawthorne chapter 1 . 8/26/2007
Hello! First, I say, this is beautifully written. It is elegant and flowing, and very striking. The theme and such.

Second-my that Hebrew? how fitting. I was confused at first, it took me having to stop in the middle and go back and reread to understand that this was Lucifer (correct?)

Third-the repitition of "FOR THIS" gives it a tone of defiance and vengence..

I really like this. I've written a story about fallen angels (which I've combined with another story of mine..not sure if that is a good idea but..) and Samael (the Lucifer character) fits this so perfectly. I hope I didn't interpret it from th wrong perspective! Thank you for writing this!
Penance for her sins chapter 1 . 8/25/2007
Firstly, I am not a poet, and had sadly not been gifted with the talents, you display so well in this piece. Therefore, my review will just reflect that as reader. I sincerely applaud you on accomplishing that with such grace and maturity. The arcane old English type prose, you put into the lines of this poem did not take away from the poignancy. You have exceptional vocabulary, I was a tad confused at with this was truly about. No matter the intention behind any work, I have always been led to believe, every reader will be take away- something entirely different. I rather took away from it an admonitory against sin, greed, and perhaps even lust. I am not sure if that was your objective, but that is what transcended above all to me. This was mainly because your choice of emotive language, and imagery.

-I'm from your group seven.
concerto49 chapter 1 . 8/20/2007
Heya. Concerto.

What's that language in italics?

Sounds old-English style. Interesting. I wished I could write in that style sometimes.

Reminds me of Shakespeare and all hm.

It feels slick and enchanting - nicely written really.

Sounds like a cross between a short story and a poem. Rather different.

Anyhow. Cheers.
Mosaic Stains chapter 1 . 8/19/2007
I found the title interesting in comparision to the poetry like fiction,since they didn't exactly go together. And, at first, I truthfully didn't get it, but liked the words. Then I read it again and came to understand it.

I wonder though, what provoked you to write this? And what was the meaning behind it from your point?

Don't get me wrong, I like it- a lot- for the way it was written and the strong evocative words chosen. I'm just curious...
mistariapotter chapter 1 . 7/6/2007
kinda dont understand.
vaudeville summers chapter 1 . 6/17/2007
hmm, i liked it

powerful, but short