Reviews for Arms Race
Nina chapter 1 . 11/22/2008
and i don't know why, but i absolutely adore Vince :D

Even though he's acting all grumpy and mean most of the time.
Nina chapter 1 . 11/22/2008
One of the best stories i've read in a while, if not the best.

:)
shutterbaby chapter 10 . 9/5/2008
Thank you for writing this story. :) I really like the...texture of the characters? I'm not sure what kind of word to put to it, but whatever it is, you did a good job with it.
blurrylights chapter 10 . 7/21/2008
I was looking through your reviews earlier, and I'm somewhat intimidated for a few reasons:

1)Most of your reviewers are guys and they leave the best reviews I've seen on this site

2)I'm too tired to go through the entire story and list every line I like and comment on it- I really should stop reading stories at 1:45 in the morning

3)Your reviewers leave really long reviews...especially Zozma.

Okay, so now that little hurdle has been blown up, I will commence with my review.

I really like this story, even though I do get a little grossed out sometimes...I have a VERY conservative Indian family, but whatever, I've read worse. Your writing style is catching, I couldn't stop reading until the end, regardless of the fact that I have a major essay I have to finish before I go to sleep. Your characters are definitely well developed, and the interactions are real and interesting, not fake at all. Your grammar is also pretty good, a couple minor things here and there, but nothing too major.

The plot over all is cool. I like how the band is always fighting, and how Vince is getting jealous of Kevin and Gypsy. I absolutely adore Gypsy...she's a fun character. Though I must admit, Lorena is my favorite. She's so colorful and cheery all the time (ok, most of the time) and everyone likes her so much!

I also liked your dedication...about unwashed heathen. Anyway, keep up the fantabulous work and please update soon!
blurrylights chapter 2 . 7/21/2008
This chapter was awesome!
unwashed heathen chapter 10 . 7/17/2008
I sincerely apologize for my lack of thought in that earlier review, but it was very early in the morning and I just kind of forgot.

Nice to know one of my favorite FP authors dislikes me and will probably berate me about lacking information about the actual chapter in my review. I think I just won't review, admiring the work of someone who you feel dislikes you is very awkward, and I'm fairly certain continuing to babble on like this will just make things worse.
ANGRY SUN chapter 10 . 7/16/2008
I really miss reading your writing. I really miss having my mind in this story. It was such a mental relief to find my way back into both, and having them just as fantastic as when I left them.

“And look, I see a whole bunch of…smoke.” Vince said flatly. “You guys are morons.”

Yay for stifling creativity xD

“What?” He cocked his head and tugged playfully at one of her braids. “You look like you’ve never seen so much rugged manliness in such a well-designed package.”

Gypsy then recalled that he was Kevin and hit him on the shoulder, feeling an inexplicable rush of relief that the spell had been broken.

Yay, Kinda creepy! although it really is good that you remind us that Kevin is pretty. In my head he is usually an amorphous blob of jerk, so putting him in a body for us is a good thing to do.

Great description of Lorena's house.

Yay for Vince's help.

“Aww, jeez!” Lorena protested. “Moulin Rouge is the sleepover movie! That’s like saying you don’t want to be my friend!”

That is the truest thing ever to pass from between those fictional lips.

Another fantastic description in Dr. Chang

REARSHADOWING, WHO (
sugarandspice91 chapter 10 . 7/16/2008
omg, i love this first scene. Ah, that strawberry incense. I swear, you're going to be like 80 and you'll pull out this package of strawberry incesne and be like, "Gina! Finally! The last stick of Kyle's strawberry incense!" and it will be glorious. :)

o are they really going to end up doing Vince's hair? he'd look so pretty! :P

lol. the crickets. sadly, I've never had the experience of having a cricket-filled awkward silence. .

I love how Gypsy talks about Kevin like he's his own species. lol.

"Gypsy stuck her tongue out, her best way of dealing with a compliment that she didn’t want to accept but couldn’t argue with without being rude, especially from Kevin."

ya know, I never know what to do with those compliments either. there should be some etiqute rule book about stuff like that. sheesh.

“It was always like, ‘there are boys around, and you’re going to make them excited!’” -omg! is this my mother's voice I am hearing? lol. love the bit about the 3 steps.

ok, I can definitly tell where Alex's music expertise came in. what the heck is a thrash root? is it like a beet root? can you eat it? lol.

"Friends with Valiant Sacrifices" - nice. :P

awesome chapter, can't wait for more! :)
Zozma chapter 10 . 7/16/2008
"and to unwashed heathen, for asking me a question and giving me no method of contacting him/her with an answer."

It's problems like these that should really make you think about investing in , Tracey . . .

"The sun had set and the weak twilight was steadily fading out – it was almost dark."

This is a cute sentence. It sorta says "I'm going to wax light poetry and then sum it up in four small words for you lummoxes who don't get it" :P

"Gypsy felt strangely comforted when she discovered that there was always incense burning in Lorena’s house. It made her think of Clara and her scented candles."

Aww :)

"Lorena was wearing Todd’s oversized sweatshirt,- anything underneath."

Is Todd really that much bigger than Lorena? In any case, oversized t-shirts that imply nudity on smaller girls is always a cute, if temporary, look. Sort of like how long haired brunnettes always look cute with those silly caps that the punk-ish short like. . . . If we could combine the two looks together . . . women everywhere would look like putzes! Muwahahaha!

"She was situated between Todd’s legs -Occasionally he bent down and kissed her neck, and she giggled."

-as if to say, "hey you saps, this is what a happy couple looks like. Maybe someone in the immediate vicinity could learn from it. I'm looking at YOU, Kevin and Gypsy!"

Anyway, this seems like one of those sentences that ought to be written in as few words as possible, but by nature of no words existing that adequetly paints the proper picture of the position has to be written out. I'm having the same dilemna with Toss' ending.

"Her head was turned to-. He was laughing and shaking his head."

You sure that's incense they're burning? :P

"His hands were tucked behind his head and occasionally he snatched in vain at a firefly on its way past."

Kevin would fail at quidditch.

“Tch.” Vince shook his head."

Vince's aggrevated noises aren't as cute as ours.

“The smoke is making me dizzy.” Todd mused."

"And after uttering his one line, Todd faded into the background for the rest of the chapter" :P

And I'm still skeptical about the smoke . ..

"“And there’d a dragony thing!” Lorena added"

So I'm not the only one out there who goes cloud gazing and only sees a buncha' dragons . . .

"it’s not often you get to have an awkward silence with actual crickets chirping in the background.”

Nice observation. Sometimes I think Gypsy would be a decent writer if she lost interest in silly things like music :P

"They made noise during tests and pissed everybody off.”

Cute anecdote :)

"Oh, wait…” she remembered her half-done hair. “Does my hair look…?”

It fits well with Gypsy's character, this line. She's okay with looking mildly unpresentable to her friends, provided that Vince keeps his comments to himself, but when Others are nearby who will Judge her. On that same note, do you think it's a sign of arrogance, or more importantly Gypsy's innate Diva-ness, to think that everyone around you will stop what they're doing and judge you?

“But I don’t mind being seen with you and you’re not gonna run into anyone you know out here, so who gives?”

Who gives a what? WHO GIVES A WHAT!

Vince's little frown is a nice add-in. Sometimes I think you write this thing to torture the little hypothetical shippers who'll take whatever miniscule hint you give them and run with it.

“You don’t smoke, right?” He asked, in place of offering her one."

"Because in all this time I've been trying to get into your pants, I haven't been paying the slightest attention to all the smoking you haven't been doing." :P

"She never wanted them to have to do it outside alone"

And interesting, if incomprehensible, character point.

"Gypsy enjoyed watching guys smoke. She figured this must say all sorts of bad things about her."

Another good character point. You're really establishing her preferance well, which is important considering a lot of the story is obviously going to revolve around her romantic life.

"But some people, like Kevin, were really good at it. Gypsy got sick every time she tried, but Kevin made it look as natural as drinking a glass of water."

Also put very well. I think all the girls you help over their poor body image with this book will be outnumbered by all the guys you convince to start smoking, Tracey :P.

"his pants fit reasonably and stayed up at his waist."

Tracey's own preferance shining through :)

"Gypsy wanted, for a moment, to reach out and touch him –-, smoke-and-Axe-smelling chest."

Undoubtably the first instance ever of a woman lusting after a man with a concrete description. You always said that men's affection for women was the only side of it the media ever potrayed thoroughly, so this is probably a sizeable step in the right direction.

"She had decided upon that moment that she was no longer a giggle-and-look-away kind of person"

Aww

“Touché.” Lorena giggled dismissively."

You didn't have to put the accent in, you dork :P

"and the ceiling was black and littered with glow-in-the-dark stars and planets."

Mine was, too. Mom watched one too many home design programs and decided she was the authority on all things fung shuay, but couldn't settle on whether I was an ocean or astrology kinda kid, so she settled on both. Needless to say, I was left out of the decision making process entirely.

Magna? Pfah!

"some excuse to pay him for being tall.”

Nicely put.

"That’s like saying you don’t want to be my friend!”

:P

“Anything but Moulin Rouge!” Gypsy called back."

In the not-so-distant future, somewhere in time and space, Tracey's lawyers and publishers slap their hands up to their face. They dread the impending law suit with scary attornies in expensive suits because Tracey drops allusions all over the frickin' place. . .

"Lorena’s a tie-dye shirt in an adult’s large, which reached halfway to her knees, worn as a nightgown."

Zozma approves.

“a kind of cheap, overpowering man-perfume that’s supposed to get you laid.”

Never worked for me. But then you could smother me in the rawest, most potent pheromones know to man and you still couldn't get me laid :P

"hers was simply the intensity that reminds you of a worker bee, whereas Lorena’s was the intensity of a firecracker"

Very nice.

Although the following accent and attire description comes off as a little gratuitous, it's still nicely written.

"as Dr. Chang bid them goodnight and instructed them to feel free to go downstairs and get anything they needed, presumably in the way of food"

"Actually," Lorena explained, "she's talking about the sexateria that dad had installed a few years back. Sort of birthday present to himself, y'know?"

"I forgot there are other people around who like Garbage…”

'Mo like people who *know* about Garbage :P

And their slumber party girl banter is precious. And well written. But mostly precious.

Gypsy seems awfully composed in face of all these revelations. Decided not to add any blanching, flinching, or hesitating?

"and Kelsey’s boyfriend. And mine."

Kelsey and her shared a boyfriend? I don't think I'm reading this right.

“I mean, I assumed he probably did because Kevins tend to smoke."

Broad generalizations are okay when Tracey and her characters do it :P

"Thus the hardcore addiction to Axe and Altoids. He’s a pretty moderate smoker, but he’s a pack-a-day Altoid consumer.”

Good character points.

“I can sort of see that, yeah. I dunno, she was nice to me…”

Except she wasn't at all . . ?

“…contributed to the spread of ideas about me that had not been verified.”

"Bitch called me a skanky ass ho, is what I'm sayin'!"

It's terribly sad that Gypsy's willing to rethink her friendship when one of her other friends states she isn't fond of the person. Like she's not confident enough to "betray" the other friend or some such.

“Whatever you do, don’t mention her name to Kevin.”

That's almost considerate of him.

"“Whatever you do, do not mention her name to Kevin.”

I confess to seeing this line coming before I scrolled down to it, but it's still a very good use of repetition.

“Hun, you keep workin’ that bad boy syndrome.”

:P

"but Gypsy had taken one look at the huge window in the living room and said no way, though she hadn’t explained why."

And interesting example of shaken-up-ness that I don't think has ever been exhibited in literature.

"Gypsy didn’t want to die because of her huge ass."

:D

You've actually sat and watched through Scream? *You?* :P

"Gypsy secretly thought your chances were better if you could climb onto the roof, because there was usually a way to get down from there,"

Most houses have built in ladders from roof to ground level?

long straggly dark hair, hungry smile, crazy eyes.

good 'ole Vince!

"He would go through the trouble of chasing you onto the roof."

The whole killer tangeant seemed a little shakey until you got to this part, like it was borderline between "this has happened to me before" and "I saw Nightmare on Elm Street last week and it scared the shit out of me" but this last line makes it perfect.

"Horror scenes flashed through her mind – she’s pinned against a car door with a knife to her throat. The door handle is right there. Does she grab it? Will he kill her before she gets out?"

A detailed look into Gypsy's psyche, to be sure.

He had made a joke about it. “Man, you’re eager to get out of here, Princess. Was it something I said?”

Very nice, artistic, even, way to end the section.

Aye! Todd replied enthusiastically.

You can tell it was enthusiastic because of the exclamation mark :P

"They think she’s a statistic."

A what?

"I told them she’s your sister, but they never believe me about that stuff."

How delightfully paranoid :P

"who approved of Gypsy’s cover-up efforts wholeheartedly."

"Now if only we could do something about those ankles . . ."

“Um, ew.” He wrinkled his nose, taking in her t-shirt and board shorts.

And Vince is the gay one? :P

“Can you say ‘“hide me!” clothes’? I didn’t think you were the type, Princess.”

I'd say a better line would be "Princess, you'd be less hidden in camoflauge" but Kevin's not that witty :P

“…almost cute. If you have a thing for really ugly shorts.”

I mean seriously. *Kelsey* wasn't this bitchy about her outfits :P

"Gypsy’s swimsuit was a really retro-looking brown one-piece with a halter top and lighter-colored polka dots, and the shorts were a solid brown, close enough to a match to look okay."

That seems like a very odd thing for a faceless narrator to say. Usually that sort of criticism is saved for characters, no?

"That’s not true.” Todd corrected her. “You can drown in an inch of water.”

I can't say why, but this seems like something Ben would say.

Licking your lips is totally over the top, Kevin. Jerk.

Somewhere along the line Tracey misconstrues Axe as a means of coping with sexual frustration?

"Oh shut up, I know. -So the sound is just…you know. Crunchier. Muddier. Faster.”

Marsy cameo!

Did Lorena ask how Kevin's sex life was going or did he just volunteer that information on his own?

"had a friend I made out with, but it was only for about a month while I was broken up with my boyfriend,"

?

Lovely chapter as always, hon.
unwashed heathen chapter 9 . 6/23/2008
Hey, is this story on hiatus or something? Because its been ages since the last update. Or are you simply having schedule issues in real life? Sorry, I don't mean to pry, but this story kicks ass and I can't wait for the next chapter.
Dust Cloud chapter 9 . 2/2/2008
So we finally meet the infamous Ruby. "Too pretty to live" indeed. I hope we see more of her soon...bitchy characters are so much fun to read about. And I'm interested in that Ruby-Kevin dynamic, too. She seems just psycho enough to warrant some suspicion in that area...enough to make her want to join the band, maybe. Which I think you should do just to make even more friction than they already have.

And it's so sweet that Vince can sing! Very cute way to end the chapter. "And for the first time in months, when people asked if she was a friend of Vince’s, she didn’t have to think for ten minutes about her answer."

:D
sugarandspice91 chapter 9 . 1/23/2008
*hugs* see, today is going awsomely. i had donuts in a block, aced my history midterm, am planning on at least B-ing my trig final, and now i've read tracey's latest. life doesnt get much better than this. :)

I loved the bit with Vince trying to arrange gigs, with all the different reasons why it didn't work. my favorite reason: kevin slept with the drummer's girlfriend. tsk,tsk. .

omg it's ruby! she...bothers me. the smile in a can and all that. it's like barbie! lol. and the face being a different color than the neck, omg i see that so much, it's like,can you breathe under all that make-up? lol.

your author's notes are so amusing. :P its always "i hate this chapter for such and such reason! it's horrible! meh!" just like that. . i think it was beautiful, for whatever that is worth coming from a non-writer person like me. :) and i don't really know much about music either, but i think you did fine on that.
Zozma chapter 9 . 1/20/2008
Aww, Tracey's having post-chapter angst. Which is a terrible thing to have, but makes me wonder if post-publish angst includes all the chapter angst combined, which may be too much for the human heart to handle. We should get a psychologist of some sort on speed dial to ease us through it. . .

"About a week before school let out, -ride from her house and paid relatively well."

I never liked describing huge transitions in a single sentence, such as getting a job that serves as a plot point later. It always felt wrong to me, like big events need more emphasis. Which isn't to say this is wrong. In fact, I'm pretty sure most authors agree that the shortest amount of words in which you can put something, the better.

"Although Vince objected mildly to - discounts was not received with ingratitude."

A beautiful, witty, and clever sentence full of character description and moral ambiguity, two things I go to Arms Race for.

"Besides, there wasn’t a single -your music somewhere."

Oh, you missed your chance to have Vince rant endlessly over how Itunes and the like hurts the artist, which he plans on being someday. But then, you probably would have lost half your readership :P

"if they raised their voices a security guard, power-tripped and bitter about not being a real police officer, would come over and shout at them."

and . . .

"arguing with her the whole way about why she wouldn’t let him help her push her bike."

Needless to say, I approve of them whole heartedly. Your narrative is pretty hilarious this chapter, among all the other delightful things it has going for it.

"This problem was resolved unusually when-,"

Another personal preference thing, I never liked lines like this, either. Precursor to event lines, that is. It just sort of screams "Pay attention, kiddies, because something's about to happen. I recall Pratchett uses them on ocassion, though, as do other reputable authors, so it's probably my own failing.

"but Ruby guest"

hmm?

"Gypsy hated her legs and felt herself staring pointedly away from them to ward off the sharp feelings of comparative inferiority and dismay"

For some reason I feel this sentence would have worked a little better without the "Gypsy hated her legs." A minor complaint, but I think it would have given the text a smidge more subtlety, or something. It'd show Gypsy hated her legs without the narrative directly expressing her feelings as such. Which I do all the time, but that's beside the point.

"Ruby’s makeup was perfect, but applied liberally; -different color than her neck. "

Can make-up be applied perfectly but liberally? Does perfect makeup mean properly placed without any smudging or done so in a way that most compliments the persons features? The different color skin was a nice touch, too. One of those visible quirks most people wouldn't bother including, or even think about, for that matter.

Also, I'd like to note that, as I'm sure we've discussed, an attractive young woman yet over painted woman named Ruby dressed in provacative clothing emmits a fairly strong notion of "whore" as defined by societal standards, yet neither Gypsy nior the narrator is defining her as such, which is great. I'm complimenting you for staying true to your beliefs, I guess?

“Hey. Are you Gypsy Cumani?”

Which just goes to show that Ruby is not the brightest crayon in the box. Unless that town is overloaded with Gypsy's?

"Ruby took her sweet time answering, placing her purse on her lap and doing a quick maintenance check"

That's utterly adorable and horribly conceited. Ruby's already coming off as unlikeable :P.

"quickly running her fingers through her chest-length, layered red hair."

Hmm/ Chest-length is good but it isn't *great*. And it's also red . . . yeah, I dunno. I think I'll keep my fancrush on Gypsy.

"It was a friendly smile, but the kind that came in a can."

That's remarkably clever. Is it yours?

“Thank you.” Gypsy smiled modestly, feeling her face grow hot."

Oh, come on. Kevin tells her things like that all the time and doesn't get comparatively positive results :P.

"Ruby’s smile remained, -rest of her face."

Nice observation.

"She sat stiffly, and she looked intently at Gypsy as if determining whether or not she could take her in a fight."

And nice wording. Probably made the situation horribly awkward if Gypsy noticed that, too. Moreso, I mean.

I see you're not trying to hide the fact that Ruby is, at worst, a sociopathic bitch. This far we haven't seen her in any positive light, which is by no means a bad thing. Creates an openly hostile dynamic and leads to that future bus scene better.

"Ruby skewered her with an unbearably appraising glance"

Also very nice wording. The "skewer" is especially effective.

"since then he’s been kind of on me to go out with him, but I’m not really interested.”"

Classic anti-Tracey philosophy, Tracey being the new word for feminism because it's easier to type out and less prone to spelling errors. She has a poster or two that Kevin needs to see.

"Gypsy smiled her Placating Smile, part friendly, part unnecessarily apologetic, honed by years of doormat-hood."

Fantastic line, luv. Clearly well-thought out or, failing that, an example of sudden impulse at its best. I was iffy on "doormat-hood" but the more I look at it the better I like it.

"I see.” Ruby said coldly. -She demanded, sounding both suspicious and desperate."

I really like this desperate air that you're creating for Ruby. The feeling that there's nothing Gypsy can say or do other then assuring her that Kevin and Ruby will live wealthy, happy, sexy lives with their millions of dollars and dozens of children will make her happy. You really feel sorry for Gypsy, and hate Ruby all the more with every quote.

“Well…good.” She said finally. She forced her smile onto her face again. “That’s good. Because,” and at this her eyes narrowed again “I was hearing a lot of rumors.”

Great punctuation and emphasis via facial expressions. Creates lovely timing and spacing, makes the line very effective.

“Oh, nothing much.” - you his princess!”

That's precisely the sort of thing a conceited, stuck up lkittle witch ould say. Nice work, luv.

"Ruby gave her a sympathetic look."

Gypsy is either a great actor or this confirms Ruby's abundant stupidity.

"But her gut feeling was congratulating-and she didn’t correct herself."

Ah, the gut feeling. So many uses, so little logic :P. It does seem to fit better in a more realistic, setting, though, where the worst thing that can happen if it's wrong is Ruby being snippy.

"She walked home with Vince that day,"

Kinda disappointed that Vince didn't get to banter with Ruby :-/

'Hey, it's the whore of babylon! I saw on the news last week a hooker bludgeoning a man to death after he came up a little short. Family of yours?"

“a sweetheart, in an inarticulate sort of way.”

How delightful :P. Is this pre or during Rick's infamous crush on Lorena? I try not to include spoilers in my reviews, but the only people who seem to read them are you and Gina, who knows everything as is. Incidently, can I have a little privacy, Gina?

The last thing you need when learning to drive is a person who knows everything about cars. If you get an alleged expert going on about cars, there won't be any time left to do any driving .

"bright pink envelopes and were printed on funny looking stationary"

Profoundly adorable.

"local bands that hung up on him because Kevin had slept with the drummer’s girlfriend"

Kevin: Must not have been very good drummers. With all that screaming you'd think they've never been *banged* properly. Ha ha! Hive five! . . . Anyone?

“I used to be sort of ambivalent about it,”

Whoa, whoa. Kevin used the word ambivalent?

"because at the park people would stop to gawk and listen thinking they were street performers, and then be disconcerted when they would stop mid-song to call each other names."

Nice touch :). Incidently, that'd be a great way to make money if they could choke down their insults for a second.

"Mrs. Margarelli would bitingly instruct him to be a gentleman unless he planned on inviting her to stay for dinner."

Beautiful, luv.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered as they hurried up the stairs, embarrassment scorching his face, “I’m so sorry.” And Gypsy didn’t know how to say that she was the one who was sorry."

Excellent wording once again. And a nice vonveyance of emotion.

Although I was expecting a more momentous celebration from Mrs. Margarelli for Vince's bringing home of "a lady friend."

I like the massive text block explaining Vince's genius. It's nice to see him presented in a positive light, and most people know enough about Beathoven (beside the spelling of his name, but regardless . . .) to have heard how talented a person needs to be to be able to write music in the margins, or to erase it, or such things.

"it sounded lower on the phone because something in Vince’s appearance suggested that it should be lower"

A very nice touch. One of those things most people wouldn't think of.

"But the anger had dissipated, -live with that – even enjoy it."

Masterpiece of a sentence, luv. Brilliant wording, feeling, and depth. Perfect, really, and a horrible precedent for you to set :P.

It was a shorter chapter, not that it took me less time to read .
Sith Lord chapter 9 . 1/20/2008
Gypsy recognized her as the girl who worked in the clothing outlet next to the music store, and knew her name was Ruby Lawrence. They’d been in a few classes together sophomore year and rode the same bus, but had never spoken.

Oh no, this is going to be bad xD

I love the description of ruby. Especially that she had no lunch. Just another example of the perfection of depth of your descriptions.

She has red hair...

and her name is ruby...

I actually really like the way her character is...like...the way she is acting is just so awkward in such a perfect way...

And in a few hours, she and Ruby were walking in step with one another out to the bike rack

Oh fuck xD

bands that already had openers and local bands that hung up on him because Kevin had slept with the drummer’s girlfriend.

wonderful.

or could only schedule him in for a weekend when Todd had a boy scout trip.

I know that feeling xD

and then be disconcerted when they would stop mid-song to call each other names.

HOLY SHIT, that would be so much fun to do xD

secretly impressed by his ability to draw straight lines without a ruler.

Aww...that means that they are going to get married xD

“Oh, he’s full of it.” Lorena chuckled later that evening. “He’s just very shy about it. He thinks he sounds whiney. If he had one of those deep gravelly voices he’d sing all the time.”

also familiar with that feeling xD

I know you weren't happy with it, but I thought that this was a great chapter. It really did a lot for the plot. It really moved quite a bit forward. You introduced several sub-plots, and it was very well written. The lack of line breaks is probably caused by over-exposure to Mr. Heller. Yes, this chapter was short. However: it was not TOO short. It was just short enough to make me REALLY want more RIGHT NOW.

Thank you for writing this.

Love,

Darth Amorous
pixy-dizzy chapter 9 . 1/20/2008
OMG, I am so sorry I've been ridiculously MIA for so long. And as I'm typing this, I'm remembering to put it on a word document because fictionpress, as we are familiarly aware, is one of those organizations that doesn't appreciate verbosity in any form. Or babbling. Or reviews longer than like 40 words.

But yes. Anyway! First of all, randomly, I love your descriptions of heat. I sense this vague deep hatred for the phenomenon. But it makes me miss summer, and also feel yucky and sweaty and scratchy like the characters as they find themselves in uncomfortable proximity to the fiery gates of hell.

I like how Kevin is fleshing out, too. He's adorable, even though-don't worry-I don't think I have any illusions about him. I like how immature and sleazy he is. But o-so-adorable. I almost like him better than Vince. ALMOST. Because Vince has my heart, even though-to be quite honest—I have a problem with his hair. I’m just not a fan of very long hair on guys. Maybe because there’s this one guy who goes to the local library all the time to abuse his internet privileges and look at porn, and he has this frizzy dark hair that goes down to his waist, and so now I associate long man-hair with creepos. But eh, he’s your character, and I’m just a freak. :D But anyway, back to Kevin-the-resident-manwhore, I love how he’s becoming part of the group now too. It’s like…before Gypsy, Arms Race wasn’t Arms Race; it was just a bunch of separate people flung together. I mean, besides Todd-and-Lorena.

And I like the friendship. Because I think that’s what this story is more about than luurve, right? It’s about human relationships, not in the romantic way, but making the connection. And it’s lovely.

The rules and compromises of the New and Improved! Arms Race is funny. And cute. And more than that, because it really shows that here is everybody, so willing to make things work out, for the band and for them, and willing to do whatever it takes.

Since I’ve been away from fictionpress for so long, I’d forgotten how much I love this story. :) But coming back to it, it hits me all over again! Adoration to the max. Update now, darling.

Yes. That was a Vince-y COMMAND with a bit of Kevin or Lorena thrown in.
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