Reviews for Arms Race
Dust Cloud chapter 8 . 1/12/2008
You KNOW Gypsy's upset if she accepts a ride home from Kevin...and Vince really IS fucked...and I half want Gypsy to kill him and half to laugh about it. Both have their merits, I guess.

Aww. I was expecting much more of a spitfire from Clara. And I'm surprised that Gypsy wants to talk to him at all. But whatever, as long as he listens to her songs, she might go back in...

Lmao. It's his first kiss. And not hers. Made my life.

The band is not a Democratic Dictatorship. I kind of see it as authoritarian...

“Lorena and Todd are not to be told to ‘get a room’. You are in a room. Lorena owns it. The door is right above your head. GTFO.”
Dust Cloud chapter 7 . 1/12/2008
This chapter is one big bitchfight. lol. I love it.

Kevin is probably my favorite character right now. He's definitely the funniest one there. "If you keep pouting like that, I might have kiss you."

And we've talked already about the kiss and it necessaryness yet unrealisticness.

Anyway. Good chapter. We salute you, Vince.
EnigmaInk chapter 8 . 1/2/2008
Wait, you're *not* Tori Amos? I feel so betrayed...

Well, Gypsy took that well.

Your commentary on leadership feels incredibly quoteable, though I might disagree. It really depends on what sort of organization you intend to lead. A cult, for example...

Kevin... is... nice? Why are you fucking with us like this!

“So you’re telling me you just kiss people when you’re angry?" Um, well.

Democratic Dictatorship by an insane person? Count me in.

"He loved to vote on things." Poor kid.

Excellent. I still miss Fairest or whatever title it goes by now, but I totally get why you love this.
EnigmaInk chapter 7 . 1/2/2008
Gotta love a chapter in which stuff occurs.

Kevin's quite the creeper.

"She spent all of math class waiting for him to pass her a note so she could discard it without reading it..." Ahahaha.

Poor Todd, he of the unconvincing gestures.

What are they always practicing for? Do they have gigs?

Nothing like a constant and reliable hatred.

But why are they all naked? That seems impractical.

Talent vs. Friends: The Rematch.

I couldn't pick out exactly what does it, but your discription of a stifiling basement filled with Axe and angry people is so spot-on as to make me uncomfortable.

Yay! I full-heartedly condon this plot development. Nice work!
ImaginaryGirlChild chapter 1 . 1/1/2008
Mkay, so I absolutely love this story thus far. I really can't wait until you update it again because it's just so well written.

Keep up the good work.
sugarandspice91 chapter 8 . 12/31/2007

true. so true.

o that was harsh of his conscience. comparing him to kevin. eek. MWAHAHAHAH HE DESERVES IT. im sorry i just love it when vince is beaten down .:P

OMG i love kevin so much at this moment. his little narrative on how he met vince is just precious.

i love the ann coulter bit. seriously, i wouldnt touch anything that was quoting ann coulter

"So you’re telling me you just kiss people when you’re angry? It’s a habit you picked up somehow and nobody told you it was unusual?”


aw vince im so proud of him. :)

this chapter makes me want to dance. because all the ickyness b/w vince and gypsy is being taken care of and lorena can breathe again! yay!
Zozma chapter 8 . 12/31/2007
That was quick. Scary quick. My-fingers-still-hurt quick. But I've nothing better to do today, so why not get an early start?

“You – PIG!”

An appropriate reaction? Certainly appropriate enough words, but is it powerful enough? Does it convey the proper sense of confusion, disgust, and betrayel? The hyphen-pause is a nice touch, but should there be more stammering? More cursing? Maybe just something *more*? Between the actual kiss and this there's only about two lines. But maybe it's potent in its simple bluntness. Just food for thought, you know Gypsy much better than I ever will.

"Kevin sprang to action,-with a curt “I’ll go after her.”

Kevin's like a Post-traumatic stress superhero.

"Todd and Lorena stared at him warily, as if he might try to kiss them next.

“…well?” Todd prompted, after a pause."

'where's mine!'

"Lorena nodded slowly-onto his face."


“I don’t know, I don’t know!” Vince -I knew I was…”

That's not an explanation, Vince.

“For all intents and purposes,”


"I am the temporary leader of Arms Race.”

Vince emasculated. He kissed a girl and now he's getting his ass kicked. It's all very appropriate.


Lorena seems torn between wanting to be an effective administator and friend and wanting to be entertaining. :P

“I order you to get yourself to Gypsy’s house by any means possible and grovel.”


Lorena's very effective at guilt tripping considering her parents seem like the sort that are above that sort of thing :P. Must have been self taught.

"They’re making a huge deal out of nothing. His self-righteousness insisted.-You sound like Kevin. His conscience said snidely."

Vince talks to his brain, too?

"With a sigh and a roll of her eyes, she opened the door and allowed him to help her inside."

I like how Gypsy presents an air of annoyance even though she knows she wants the company and ride. She's got an image to maintain.

“Aw, Princess, have you been crying?”

Even with her agitated and on the verge of more tears Kevin still refers to her in a moniker that clearly disgusts her. They *both* have an image to maintain.

But he's also being very dismissive and complient in the face of her domineering demeanor, in his own car, no less, which is sweet. Certainly a lesser man would object to being treated like that; Vince certainly would. And it's not an attempt to get into her pants, because Kevin certainly knows that after today's events there's no chance she'd put out to anyone.

“Aw, don’t cry…” he squeezed-out of Lorena’s development."

Likely totally ineffective, but I suspect you probably want it that way. I've heard your "do boys think we'll stop if they ask us to" rant before :P.

"Why did he do that?” Her -wasn’t careful."

Very effective, and realistic.

“Hell, I dunno…” -over it, Princess"

Kevin is clearly inexperienced at the whole consoling thing :P.

"Now that is kid I’d like to beat up.’ True story.”

That's adorable.

"And then…” he sighed tragically, “he started talking.”

Very nice. Funny, powerful, and by this point most of the readers probably think the same thing.

I'm sure you realize how this entire scene parallels chapter one. Boy A screws up. Gypsy leaves in a huff, furious. Boy B catches up with her and comforts her, leads her back home. Gypsy eventually forgives Boy A, and later has romantic relations with him. The poor girl seems doomed to fall for men that mistreat her :-/. Although I can't decide whether Kevin's skirt fiasco or Vince's kiss is worse. I suppose it's up for debate. Certainly, Gypsy was in a terrible mood during the kiss, which could only make everything that much worse.

“Sure.” She said emptily, knowing that no matter how nice Kevin was to her, she was never going to ‘hang out’ with him."

I thought Kevin and her were on good terms at this point. They're both friendly toward each other, she clearly trusts him again, and they exchange frequent flirtations. Unless you meant "hang out" as an euphanism for sex, in which case . . . yeah.

"I hope they’ve got a plan.- It’ll be quiet without her."

That line combined with the ciggerette seems a little too suave and secret agent-esque. It sorta beats the already well made point of Kevin's badassitude :P.

"By the time Vince was -towards the seriousness of his offense."

Is this perhaps an insight into Vince's character? That's he's completely reasonable and sane, but just never bothers to think through his actions or his words? Probably not, all things considered.

"God I hope he didn’t try anything, if he did I’m fucked before I get there."

Stupid tact over sexual harrasment humor, not letting me turn this line against Gypsy :-/

"In his head he conjured up wild - in the swirl of his wild imagination."

Very realistic. I think everyone's minds tend to conceive the worst case scenerio and warp it to make it even worse. Of course, all of those are very likely scenerios.

"Knocking on the door, he would later say, took guts. -you are going to knock on the door or you are going to –"

Also very realistic. And partially adorable.

"Oh fuck. The sister."

Which is the last thing most men think before Clara swoops down on them, and their bloated corpses are found floating on the lake a week later.

"and the way she looked at him made him embarrassed for being taller"

It's even better in context, luv. Very nice.

Isadora lives on in Clara.

"Now why did I do that He wondered, as -begun to quote Ann Coulter."

And then you had to go and poke fun at the Coulter. You're never going to hear the bloody end of this. In a week's time there will be a new book about you and your horrible, horrible liberal tendencies, you dirty anti-war, heathenous shrew :-/.

Lorena's protective love for her sister overpowers her belief in choice and women's independency, it seems, which is a nice touch. If Gypsy were any other girl I think she'd ask whether or not she wants to talk to Vince.

Clara's systematic casteration of Vince is fairly powerful. Still, I almost wish they met in more hospitable circumstances, one where Vince was at his best. I wonder if he'd still shrink from her if posessed with his usual self-righteous indignation.

I don’t know why the hell–heck I did it.” Clara raised an eyebrow

"Didn't Gypsy give you the vagnina talk yet, Vince?"

"He followed her nervously -scarier than her sister."

A nice enough sentence. It captures his soul churning fairly well.

Fascist Panties has replaced Salsa Crotch as my new Jazz name. I'll explain later.

"but she continued to stare intently at her keyboard, raising her voice as if to drown out his presence."

Is this also an act, I wonder? She knows he won't go away. Does she want to intimidate him? Insult him?

"Clara waited patiently -start another"

I think that puts Clara at a subservient role in this encounter. It seems off.

"Gypsy turned around and gave her a sarcastic look, as if to say “do you think I want to talk to him?”

And this only seems to reinforce it.


That's adorable.

“Yeah, well,” Gypsy laughed bitterly. “I didn’t think you’d give a shit.”

oh snap

Vince's apology is nicely layed out and executed. Good emphasis and spacing.

"He felt that this was being very generous."

Even in utter despondency Vince is unbearably egotistical. I wonder where the confidence came from? Certainly, very few people anywhere would bother to tell Vince he's worth anything. Does it come from his defiance? Knowledge of his talent?

“you know, this doesn’t have to count.”

Heh heh. Here it comes.

“I know how sentimental girls get about their first kiss,” -have to count towards that.”

Gypsy: I've been deflowered!

“I…it…” He floundered. “…of course not.” He scoffed, laughing nervously"

He's like Arthur mixed with Orenda :P.

"She smirked. “Then who was?”

Uncomparatively evil.

"He searched wildly -the news got back to her."

Vince seems to be a pathological liar, or at least he would be if he had any confidence in his lies.

“Well, that’s okay.” -about their first kiss…”

Gypsy and Vince will form a very happy S&M relationship, someday.

"reassuring smile and no-nonsense, we’re-going-to-make-all-the-necessary-time it really would all be okay."

It's depressing that Gypsy's happiness is consistently at the mercy of men. Men who always seemed to have dangerously pronounced foibles and rarely take into consideration her feelings.

Incidently, this whole chapter could definitely be described as one of Vince's sexy misadventures.

“Honey, I’ll call everyone!” She said breathlessly. “You handled this perfectly. Perfectly. Leave the rest to me, sweetheart."

I'm glad Lorena is forgiving of Vince. I think I was much more worried about the state of their relationship than I was about his and Gypsy's.

Lorena's jargon is ridiculous as well as hilarious

"Only one-half of an individual’s sleeping hours can be allowed to count towards the individual’s overall time not spent rehearsing"

I think it would have been funniner and horrifically and unforgiveably scandelous if you made it three/fifths.

“Lorena and Todd are not to be told to ‘get a room’. You are in a room. Lorena owns it. The door is right above your head. GTFO.”

Have we seen the rules previously? I know you've told them to me before. If this is the first listing I completely approve as this one is adorable, but if it's been done in a prior chapter maybe you should just list the new rules. No need to make things stale and stilted.

“No, me neither.” Todd agreed. “All in favor of –”

'Don't speak unless you're spoken to, Todd!'

“Vince is still a fag.” Kevin announced."

I suppose this is equally as horrendous as 3/5's. It's sort of like the Archie Bunker complex: racist, sexist, and homophobic slurs are acceptable in a media when they're expressed by an evident idiot/asshole.

Lately, Kevin seems more antagonizing of Vince than Vince is of him, which is a nice change of pace. It's good to know that their hatred is mutual, and Vince isn't just being a prick.

It's also adorable that Kevin wants to reserve the right to be a jackass.

Gypsy's fluctuation between timid and confidence is a bit confusing, but by no means unrealistic. Is she only especially cofident when she's angry? In her own natural element? Comfortable? She's no qualms with discussing vaginas with Vince, but feels like a third wheel when debating rules of the band that she called for in the first place? Again, it's not realistic, I'm just trying to decipher the pattern.

'Todd’s face fell. - He loved to vote on things.'

That's adorable.

“I’m really not sure about that…” Gypsy - “I mean, it didn’t work in elementary school…”

You can see all the wonderful combinations here.

“You guys suck.”

aww :P.

Wonderful chapter, luv. We'll have to discuss it at length tommorow. See you then :).
Crawley chapter 7 . 12/28/2007
wonderful title.

Vince stared at Gypsy. Gypsy stared at her tray. Lorena stared back and forth between Gypsy and Vince. Todd stared at his fingernails. Kevin stared at Gypsy’s chest.


You Cannot have a vegetable sandwich.

And in the spirit of good, honest cliché, Lorena found herself wondering helplessly what on earth had happened to get them in the position they were in right

Gypsy was so upset she let Kevin drive her home.

Wow, that is upset xD.

Lorena kicking them out was so inconceivable that Vince couldn’t even bring himself to argue. Thats Pretty inconceivable then xD.

Gypsy drew herself up to her full height, for all the good it did on the phone. xD

“I could sing any one of your mopey angst-rock anthems backwards and standing on my head!”


Vince slammed the phone down, while Gypsy made due with the much less satisfying gesture of hitting the ‘off’ button very, very cell phone humor.

Maybe Vince would come to his senses. Maybe…

But probably not.

And Vince…laughed.


Then time stopped altogether, as Vince suddenly, inexplicably, leaned forward and kissed Gypsy on the mouth.

HOLY SHIT. It must be really hot in there.

I love a good cliffhanger, and I loved this chapter. It wasnt disjointed at all, but I want to know what happens next! I love your descriptions and your dry humor. I love everything about your writing and I wouldnt change a single thing about this chapter (except for the sandwich). This chapter would be much better in book form, because afterwards there would be that one half-blank page with the chapter number and people would be like OMGHaxors, MY EYES CANNOT MOVE FAST ENOUGH TO THE NEXT WORD THAT IS MEANINGFUL TO THIS STORY!

That is the kind of chapter that it was.

And I loved it.

And I love you.

23 Skidoo
sugarandspice91 chapter 7 . 12/27/2007
‘I come in peace! Please let it be contagious!’

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. somehow that reminds me of Ghandi. :P

how sad. gypsy can't slam the phone down. i really should think about whether or not i will be wanting to slam my phones the next time i buy a phone. sanity comes first.

lmao. vince's screen name. is. amazing. .

ah, cool! you snuck your awsome feminist book "the beauty myth" into this chapter. nice.

i love how you describe kevin's attire. he didnt just go shirtless, take his shirt off, he just, well, left his shirt at home. . im sure he was very distracting. hehe.

“VAGINA is not a curse word. I can say VAGINA in whatever sort of company I want!” *dies laughing* i wonder what would happen if someone just randomly said "vagina" in like a chinease resturant or someplace. :P

your ending was priceless. and i love how his thought process before the kiss was about how mad she would be if he kissed her. this was defintly one of my favorite moments in the story so far.
Zozma chapter 7 . 12/24/2007
"On Thursday afternoon -one another."

I don't like the metaphore. It just feels lukewarm and thrown together. Silence having weight is a sound literary principle, but the "thousand pounds" just throws it off. It seems kinda weak.

"Vince stared at Gypsy. Gypsy stared at her tray. Lorena stared back and forth between Gypsy and Vince. Todd stared at his fingernails. Kevin stared at Gypsy’s chest."

And you've already rectified it with your brilliance, luv, nice work. A lovely little display of character display beginning with a nice pitch and ending with a hilarious punchline.

"Vince had a gaze like a hot and -onstage and sweat."

Sorry to say this, luv, but mine was better. The bit about global warming and butt sex? Yeah.

"They said once that Vince made up for in chivalry only what he lacked in basic tact"

A fundamental truth of Vince, it seems. A very basic concept with rather profound impact.

"every move she -choreographed routine."

Very nice. Stereotypically . . . "feminine," if you will. Defineably Gypsy.

"Her cheeks glowed red with embarrassment and anger, and her fingers were tense and clawing, digging in and leaving fingerprint indentations in the soft wheat bread of her sandwich."

And thus concludes Tracey's gratuitious preview for her upcoming Arms Race Porn.

"Just a few feet apart -he wouldn’t look away."

A very lovely sentence. It would make up for the rest of the paragraph if there was anything wrong with it, which there isn't it. Don't you wish I just left it at my first statement?

"You like? -er awhile.”

Exceedinly brilliant, luv. Squared, even. Perfect pitch, execution, and punchline. Sums up Kevin perfectly. You win at life, luv.

"That’s what she said!” -whoop of laughter."

You better watch Kevin or he might steal the story away from everyone else. Unless you keep an eye on him you won't have any Vince shippers left for your Gevins to fight over.

"She waved her finger about hysterically."

This ought to be Gypsy's habitual "angry gesture." Sort of like how Vince throws things. Everyone behaves a little differently when they're angry, right? Just food for thought in case you haven't considered it, which I honestly doubt.

“HOW DARE YOU!”-his neck."

A bit exaggerated, perhaps? Or maybe I just can't relate. Vince is prone to anger, and music *is* his life. Let's say it to Alex and see how he responds.

‘I come in peace! Please let it be contagious!’



I like this. Part of Vince knows Gypsy's right, and he's too stunned and heated to come up with a reply that doesn't actually set Gypsy up to kick his ass :P. Or at least, that's how I see it.

“We don’t know! That’s the point! You don’t want to find out!”

Gypsy wins. She seems to be doing that a lot, lately. Which is totally fair when dealing with a character wh'se habitually wrong.

"Lorena, near tears, ordered that they get out of her house."

Ooh, that is bad.

An eighty-eight is lynch worthy? And I used to think Lorena's parents were cool . . .

"Gypsy didn’t say a word to Vince at -her either."

Epicly brilliant. Possibly the highlight of the chapter. So profoundly human. Moments like these are what seperates Arms Race apart from other works of fiction, I think. It's your niche. And it's so characteristically Gypsy, too. Again, very "feminine."

"She spent -was giving you the silent treatment."

And it just keeps escalating with ever sentence, getting better and better every time. I applaud you, this is too amazing. Hilarious, witty, realistic, descriptive, it's got everything.

I wasted all our time?”

“So we’re on for tomorrow.”

Murkuro chapter 6 . 12/19/2007
I love this so much! It's so realistic and well-written!
Dust Cloud chapter 6 . 12/18/2007
"Heya, snookums!" is so going to be my new greeting. And I like the commentary on the gym teacher and what it takes to be a lesbian. xD

Kevin rarely ever hung out with the band in school for very long – “because we won’t make out with him”, Lorena said dryly – but occasionally he’d acknowledge them in the morning.

Maybe you should ask Vince what he'd rather be, a homeless person or an assassin. :P

“She likes girls!” They whispered, truly distressed. “She might…LOOK at us!” That's high school, right there.

I haven't seen the breakfast club either...

I love you for bashing HSM. Really, I think we and Gypsy are missing the gene for it.

Dust Cloud chapter 5 . 12/18/2007
Haha. The ending was cute.

Although I think you might be overdoing it with the whole weight thing. I mean, there are a LOT of subtle messages about body image and why you can't let it control you, maybe more than necessary to the chapter?

Anyway. I'm being picky. My favorite quote was: “Hey, well what do you know.” Gypsy smirked. “Clara’s got a following of teenage boys after all, she was just a late bloomer!”

“Shut. Up."


Oh, and I like Mrs. Cumani as a character. I'd hate to be around her and all, but she's written very well. Just thought I'd say. :D
sugarandspice91 chapter 6 . 11/27/2007
omg, yes! Andrew Jackson. don't get me started. we just finished the chapter on his presidency in history and it was horrible. :P

LMAO. i love that description of vince. it was so beautiful.

“You have enough of a body to distract me.” AW THAT IS SO ADORABLE! but only coming from todd. :)

ok, so this chapter was awsome as always and probably all the kids in my a block think im a total nutcase because I've been sitting here in the corner laughing to myself for like 20 min. its been great. and you did great with kevin in this chp. he had enough of his irresistable charm evened out with his arrogant pervertness. :)
Righty chapter 6 . 11/19/2007
This whole morning-at-school thing feels OH SO familiar xD.

Finals. That’s gonna be a blast. Fuck. But the averages say no matter how badly I do on these, I come out with a D either way. Who gives a shit as long as I don’t need to repeat anything? Unless I get like a twenty percent on one. I so could, too. “Vince is a great test-taker, much in the way that Kevin’s a great feminist.” Lorena’s always saying clever shit like that. Good whatchacallems, anomalies. Anomalies. That’s not what they’re called. Whatever. Twenty minutes left. The first twenty minutes always go by so quickly and the last half-hour drags on forever. Is it Friday yet? How about now? Tell me why, I don’t like Mondays, I want to shoot this whole day down… that’d be an interesting song to cover. There’s like no guitar in it, we’d have to improv a lot. But last week I told Gypsy we never, ever do covers. She’d be pretty pissed now that I changed my mind. Who cares?

Vince has the best stream of consciences ever.

Then more beautiful Vince SOC

lol. All of these interactions between your characters feel so natural and familiar. Its a really nice feeling.

There was an uncomfortable pause until Lorena delivered a decisive smack to the back of Kevin’s

I wish that I could copy this whole section...from the breakfast club to "Mr. Varton." Its all are so awesome xD

and wow. What an ending. Not exactly a cliff hanger. In fact, it was a rather satisfying ending. And hillarious. And wonderful. And it just tied it all up. And there is my review. Thanks for another great chapter.

I love you dearly

The Right-Eyed-Wonder
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