Reviews for My Hero
Yoram chapter 1 . 3/25/2009
Another good piece of writing. I always struggle to write short prose...my teachers would often complain about this :-P

Heh, and this time I was reminded of Brothers in Arms by Dire Straits.
Hopelessly Cliche chapter 1 . 1/5/2009
That was simply beautiful.

Those soliders are our heros, our country's heros.

You portrayed that amazingly.

I especially like the part about the flag visible to even the blind. Perfect. Great job! And woo, you got it published! :D

HC

xx
DanceLikeNo-oneIsWatching chapter 1 . 9/18/2008
This is great. The concept/bottom line of this has such a powerful meaning. Many different concepts were covered beautifully with such a little amount of words. That was great. The rythm seemed a little choppy to me, each line seemed it's own seperate piece. If you wanted it to do that, great, but personally it didn't sound that great. I would try to use a little more descriptive language. Use words you wouldn't hear in everyday conversation. scream-howl forever remain free- remain free for eternity (still rhymes ; ) ) ect. Nice job.
TidesYonder chapter 1 . 9/7/2008
This is very well written I really like the line "you knew that his heart was full of grace." very touching
Astaroche chapter 1 . 9/5/2008
[Review Game]

The imagery is beautiful. Great job.

There are some words and lines that don't sound smooth to my ears.
DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 8/27/2008
aw...this makes me so sad yet so proud and g rateful at the same tiem! sad because my boyfriend really wants to go to the Core, but proud and grateful that our men and women are out there fighting for us, and they might not come back. i don't know how they do it...

the only thing i didn't really like was throughout the poem it didn't rhyme, but then in the end it started to, idk if that was intentional or not, but i just kinda didn't like it

but anywyas, well written ]
Serenity Takaishi chapter 1 . 8/21/2008
The flow, at first didn't set with me, i don't know why, because it ended up with a natural flow (: and there were a few comma places that missed out on their turn. haha.. but overall, it wanted to make me cry.
Bavand chapter 1 . 6/29/2008
Oh man, talk about being right there! I can practically hear the guns going off and the screams and smell the smoke! This should be published some where for the public (i.e. non-ficpress people) to get a good sense of what it's like and to encourage solders that someone out there really understands. If I find such a place, I'll let you know.

You should also consider writing more poetry. I did read some of your essays and find your humor very appealing and down to earth. But more poetry would be great cause you've got the talent for it, too.

Julie
TwinDeath chapter 1 . 5/20/2008
This is amazing. a good poem, with a great message! the whole thing is well done, and the only thing that I can find to change is that I think the use of italics to denote thoughts. (Oh, and sorry about the late review return.)

Live forever, or die trying!
Purpose chapter 1 . 4/4/2008
This is patriotism. This is true honoring of our soldiers, the honoring by the common people, the people they chose to protect and to lay their lives down for. It was a really good poem that shows the side of the soldier's thinking. Not many people seem to get the idea that the grand majority of our soldiers sign up to actually serve us and that many of them would gladly die on our behalf. The least we can do is to honor them.
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/14/2008
-The noise is deafening... needs a semi-colon after it

-Your eardrums ring... needs a semi-colon after it

-Standing next to your brothers/watching bodies piling up on each other... is not a complete sentence

-You wince at what you see thinking, thank god that wasn’t me... need a comma after see

-You look around at the faces... you need a comma after this, though I don't see why you repat the faces

-and that is why you scream... capitalize the A

Pride covers their bodies was my favorite line in the whole piece... it was really itnerestina and a great image. I like the piece the ending especially is very sad and pwoerful. Nicely done.
TT-da-lamanite chapter 1 . 1/29/2008
Wow...thats amazing, I feel what this peom is trying to convey...I hate the fact that I seem to be the only person who says the pledge of alliegance in class any more the native american is more patriotic than all the other ones...how Ironic is that?
Christy Leigh Stewart chapter 1 . 12/16/2007
Very well done. Good job.
Lost Shepherd chapter 1 . 7/13/2007
This is a great piece. Sad and grim, but quite heroic as the title suggests. You may or may not remember me, but you submitted a review to my poem, "Swamyamadiddledoo." I'd like you to know that I'll be sampling some of your other works, and will patiently await any reviews for my upcoming work.
Kanna1029 chapter 1 . 6/24/2007
Oh! this is so sad! But it is very good! Keep up the awesome writing!