|Reviews for The Future of Fantasy: REMIX|
| Jibbittessa chapter 6 . 6/27/2007
and he has been home ever since
has should be had
praying this Wednesday (Universal Calendar) night
What? *pokes the parentheses* *no clue how to spell that word*
Josh fell onto the bed, could hear his bedroom
semi-colon XD or add an "and"
her blood covering him her eyes glaring at him her laugh her blood her dead body
uh... lack of any sort of apostrophe. o_O; (Whoo, English words XD I prolli used the wrong one)
“Josh…” She muttered.
"muttered" seems to angry to me... mumbled might fit better *shrugs*
Josh was now sitting in front of Stephanie, a loaded gun pointed at her.
maybe rephrase the last part, so it's more obvious he's holding it? Unless you want it to be more unknown until the last sentence in that line.
He took a moment or two to relax, try and get his bearing
put a "to" in there, maybe?
Other than that, not much evidence
maybe... "other than that, there's not much evidence." though it's Lucas talking, so he may just speak like you put... *shrugs*
Okay, now for an actual review. XD This was probably the most interesting chapter so far, I think. He watches her die three times, and then gets blamed for her death? That sucks... I feel bad for him.
But I still love Lucas.
The vampire boy you stole from me, and then switched around his personality to be more stereotypically vampiric. *eyes you evilly*
This reminds me immensely of Phoenix Wright... I can imagine the prosecuter being Edgey or Payne or Franny. XD
| Count of Casualty chapter 1 . 6/26/2007
Hokay, so I read this... finally. P
And while Mr. Heatless Flame has offered to help you grammatically... and whatever else he said in his oh so eloquent review (love ya Flame! XD ) I also offer my services. There were some issues I had with the writing and the descriptions. For one, I don't like the whole "he was wearing blank blank blank" it's just tedious to read.
Anyway, if/when I catch you online I can go into greater depth. And I'll submit a more detailed CC of each section if you'd like. I know this is just a "shitty first draft" so I'm reserving any further statements until I hear from you. _
| Heatless Flame chapter 3 . 6/26/2007
Ahh, Master Ryoma feels the need to rewrite. How interesting. But useful, as this new version is far better than the first. Indeed, the only things the Flame noticed were a few small grammaratical incidents. If pressed, Flame would also say that far too many sentences opened with a noun, and if Master Ryoma needs a guide to using other types which greatly helped the Flame, Master Ryoma only need ask.