Reviews for Rain
Me chapter 1 . 8/4/2008
nice ]

At first I thought the chorus thingy was a repeated too much. Then I realised it's a song, not a poem xD nice work D
Crysta Mayville chapter 1 . 2/25/2008
I think this would have been better as a poem, instead of a song... but it's still good!
just.guess chapter 1 . 10/6/2007
heyy joeyy.

i love this song.

you better post it on the net.

it will be a mega hit.
Japhith chapter 1 . 10/4/2007
This is my favorite stanza;

"I watch as the land is misused,

Farmed and destroyed, and I am confused.

When will we realise what we have done?

When will there be peace again?"

Why? Because 'again' doesn't rhyme with misused, confused, or done. The rhythm of the poem was fine (less a small hiccup in the last line) and the four lines to a stanza thing, while a little boring outside of a sonnet, is a tried and true song writing format.

My biggest beef is the rhyming. I know, I know... it sounds better right? You reviewed a poem of mine that rhymed, so you know I'm not just a rhyme hater (can a person even be a rhyme hater?) it's just with this poem, song thing, I feel sacrificing the SOUND of it for the LANGUAGE would have been better.

God, I feel like an English teacher. Okay, here's your homework. Try your hand at a language poem. A language poem is a poem without any form (you don't even need stanzas, if you don't want them) with no rules. In fact, it doesn't even have to make sense in any contextual way. The important parts are the rhythm and the LANGUAGE. Use good words. Fun words. Still in at least semi-complete thoughts, but try to really extend your vocabulary. Use a dictionary.

Why try this? Because it's outside your set comfort zone. This is ultra-modern, still very new stuff. Your goal as a writer, but especially as a poet (and really, who isn't a poet?) should be to try everything, and really broaden your scope.

Of course, all this is just me being constructively critical, and HOPING to see more from you. It's the English Teacher in me dying to get out. I'll author alert you, and hope to see more from you soon... try that language poem! If you want some examples, just PM me... I'm sure I have some lying around here somewhere in my VOLUMES of poetry and literary mags...

-Jake
half-sketched.staccatos chapter 1 . 10/1/2007
konnichi wa

Ah, nature song - gotchya. I like it! And, sadly, I completely agree with it. Though there are a few people that actually care about the environment and the earth, the majority of people are too busy worrying about the stuff they'll buy, the lives they'll live, etc, to care about the fact that we're destroying our home. I liked this!

Zaijen

-Shan-
Arafax chapter 1 . 9/29/2007
Interesting. Nicely done. Good work.

Arafax
eMoMuFfIn chapter 1 . 8/12/2007
Yay, your song lyrics.

Your song sounded nice, and don't rebut me with a "Your song was too". :)

:)
Greenery chapter 1 . 8/10/2007
Very powerful stuff, and very sad. A nice read though. I enjoyed your style.
Hear As The Outcasts Hear chapter 1 . 7/5/2007
it was pretty good. only one word of advice:

pick a set rhyming pattern and stick to it. it's all over the place. beyond that, it's good!
RuathaWehrling chapter 1 . 7/2/2007
Thanks for the review a while back. I'm finally getting back to you - it's been busy!

I admit it. I always have problems reading song lyrics. I guess they just need to be sung. But anyhow, you did a nice job. A rather depressing song - you imply that there's no hope, either for us or the planet as a whole. But, given that theme, I think the last two lines are very fitting.

Well done!

Ruatha