Reviews for Limit |
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Rhea chapter 6 . 9/2/2007 You didn't put enough excitement and confusion into the mood of the townspeople when the first time they saw the town. The argument could have have been larger and more complex. It was too simple, it should be harder for an outsider to become a part of a close knit group. |
rhea chapter 4 . 9/2/2007 well written, developed and pacing is nearly perfect. |
rhea chapter 1 . 9/2/2007 Original.. your first chapter is at odds with your summary but I am intrigued as to how the plot will proceed. |
Aislingeach chapter 17 . 8/26/2007 ooh, the plot thickens... Pooer Sky, she doesn't even know that ransul is dead. well, please update soon! :) |
Aislingeach chapter 16 . 8/18/2007 Aww, a sad but good chapter! Update soon please... |
Aislingeach chapter 15 . 8/11/2007 Hey, great story! I really like it. Please update soon! |
beefbag chapter 4 . 8/9/2007 love the narration at the beginning of every chapter very cleaver. and here i thought i was the only one doing that! I- |
beefbag chapter 2 . 8/9/2007 beefbag sez: excellent! you deliver yet again! I- |
beefbag chapter 1 . 8/9/2007 Excellent first chapter! I'm loving this story! beefbag |
NOBODY chapter 1 . 7/6/2007 Ok, first some texty notes. When someone speaks, you don't HAVE to have a speaker tag (He said, she answered, etc.) For example: - "“Tolan, that’s enough,” his father said in a stern voice. He turned toward the man with the bandaged arm..." You don't really need "said in a stern voice". The spoken sentence reflects that already. You could say "“Tolan, that's enough,” His father turned..." and eliminate the speaker tag, as it is not needed. You can probably do this with some other sentences too (not all of course). Oh, and a tense check. - "I developed a nervous habit of clasping my hands together until my knuckles turned white whenever I was afraid." Although 'developed' (today's focus) is in past tense like the rest of your story (the chapter at least), it sounds as if Sky just developed the habit. Try "I HAD (uncapitalized of course) developed", it works MUCH better. This might happen elsewhere in the text too. I know it's a bit nitpicky, but these little things can destroy a potential good story. These examples were the ones that really jumped out at me. I'm sure there are more. Nothing editing can't fix. The good thing is that that (hehe) is really all that jumped out (except one more... I can't remember it though, and I don't really feel like rereading to search for it...). It's good that you (or someone else) goes over it before you post. OK, some general plotty stuff. It's pretty good so far, although I think Sky told Ransul about the Auras too easily. If she's never told anyone before, why this strange, new person she JUST met? Maybe it's just a way for you to explain the auras, but I think you should find a better way. Maybe explain it after she mentions the gray aura around her hands and don't mention the mayor's wife. Or just don't explain it at all. Let your readers find out for themselves, it's not that hard to connect the aura with the emotion. Well, it's not the crap that's usually in the fp fantasy section. That's a plus. It's has a nice attention grabber/promised plot. (Better than the 'destined girl with super magic powers saves the world', or even worse, 'teenage girl gets captured by a vampire and slowly falls in love with said vampire'. (no offense if you write those or like them.)) That's another plus. The main character has an interesting voice (to me, anyway). That's a third plus. Your characters (in general) don't seem like cardboard cutouts, they actually seem somewhat human! Two more pluses for you! YAY! You've earned a star! Well, anyway, good start. You've gotten the CC you deserved (and wanted. Short "I love it! Please continue"'s are nice but I pretty sure authors want something more.) Good luck in finishing! |
RealmNight chapter 1 . 6/28/2007 Hey! Awesome story opening, your summary was a grabber, congrats. I like the idea and the conversation you designed towards the end, you gave each character different voices. I'll be looking forward to the rest of this story. |
B. V. Peron chapter 2 . 6/28/2007 Hah...this reminds me of The Village, so far. It looks like you have an interesting story going here. I'll be intrigued to see how it develops. |