Reviews for Angeli book 1: The Harukin
M16-REAPER chapter 2 . 8/9/2007
The prologue started out pretty good with the timeline and all, but the first chapter was lacking detail. Make sure to describe what the characters are doing, what they are thinking and feeling, how their emotions are showing and so on... that, and please, for the love of god, let me know who is talking, you know how slow I am! Other than that, the story line looks like it is going in a good direction, even though it is only the first chapter, and it is good that you left us hanging as to what happens to Drave, but make sure you don't use that strategy too often, I've found that it kills the story... Now all you have to do is get the second chapter up, thats going to eat at me until you do...
Ember Swish chapter 1 . 6/29/2007
Its good- there's not really enough to read to critique, but its interesting so far...update soon-i'll be waiting.
Things unsaid chapter 1 . 6/29/2007
Hm..interesting keep it up.
Kiviquespel chapter 1 . 6/28/2007
Like the names...Kratonis and Angeli. I liked the way you wrote your prologue, kept me interested and I liked how you wrote the dates as well...good time line, its going to be a fascinating story! can't wait till chapter one! Just wanted to say though...careful when you make up things in stories, careful not to go overboard and make it outrageous, over describe it or whatever, you know what I mean. And trust me, I've made the same mistakes. And I want this story to go really well for you, 'cause it sounds really brilliant! You've got a good imagination. Very good. :o)
B. V. Peron chapter 1 . 6/28/2007
This looks like it could become an interesting story. I have a few technical critiques:

Keep your tenses consistent. You switch from "The Earth Federation uses" to "All went smoothly." I would recommend keeping it in present tense.

I would switch "all the cardinal directions except north" to "east, south, and west." I find that simple language often has a better flow; you usually don't want your reader to have to stop and think about what you said.

Well, that's my "brutal" R&R. Ha. Keep up with this story-it looks like it could be interesting.