|Reviews for Everlasting|
| Bob Evans chapter 32 . 10/10/2007
Yay! I finally finished it! Quite the epic story you had going, and I can see from the long series you had before it that this was something you wanted to end with a bang. And indeed you did. So I guess I'll wonder whatever happened to the rest of their adventures. Will they come to Fiction press? Perhaps it doesn't matter. In fact, I guess it doesn't. This was the center of it all; the cream of the crop. Perhaps the Mike and Ross saga has come to an end. Farewell!
Okay, now comes the hard part. Although epic in size and in plot, one thing that constantly bothered me was the dialogue. Quite frankly, it seemed unrealistic, and could've used improvement. The other thing was discription (our point of view); normally this sounds like your typical Third Person Multiple, but you made it into Third Person Omniscient (which is the same as Third Person Multiple, except that it goes beyond jumping from character to character, and goes
into their thoughts rapidly). This is a very advanced POV to work with, and you ended up giving us a litte too much information because of it. There was also a few discrepancies spread throughout the prose and plot because of it.
As always, I'm just trying to offer my best advice as the reviewer, to help shed light on improvement (as I would always want any of my reviewers to do the same for me). The question of whether a plot sounds realistic or not will always arise, but if you can make the dialogue and POV sound realistic, then the readers won't care anyway. So before you start your next project (which I am no doubt looking forward to), do some research; be prepared. Then you can make it sound it very realistic no matter what crazy stuff your characters are going through.
| Carmel March chapter 32 . 10/6/2007
Sorry, sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to take so long to review. I had read this when I had had a smidgen of time, but never managed to leave a review. But here I am :)
I can't get over how well this story is put together. It reads so smoothly, and it's so intriguing. The ending was no exception.
I'll try my best not to take a million kajillion years next time ;) And I hope to read more from you soon!
| Bob Evans chapter 11 . 9/28/2007
I have to disagree with the previous reviewer: "I" am the worst reviewer in history. I mean, look how friggin' far behind I am!
Well there's only one way to solve this, and that's to start reading it straight through. Luckily I have plenty of time now that it's finished and you're taking a short break from your stories, and I myself don't have any story projects to work on immediately.
So expect a final review here eventually. 'Cuz I plan on finishing this puppy, and seeing it to the end.
P.S. Although I must say your monsters are pretty impressive, I'm slightly disappointed that we get little more than: "Don't know how they do it, but somehow they can do all of this crazy stuff!" Sorry, I'm a techno-thriller fan, so I always love it when the fiction is intertwined with some sense of reality to make sense of the fiction we all love.
| Carmel March chapter 30 . 9/23/2007
Okay, so I've been the worst reviewer in the history of reviewers. I'm so sorry for taking so long!
This story is still as good as ever. Even if I haven't read it in awhile, the minute I read a few paragraphs, it all comes back to me; the characters, the plot, the style of writing, everything. It takes an amazing story, and not to mention, author, to do that :)
Keep this up, and update soon!
| Aibari chapter 1 . 9/23/2007
Okay, lessee ... this was a bit awkward at places, (grammatically speaking,) but not so much that it hurt. Your biggest issue is probably your pronouns. For serious - you have twelve "he"s in ten sentences at one point, and it drives me up the wall. Getting a beta-reader might be a good idea. The story so far seems interesting - it's a good start. :)
| Carmel March chapter 27 . 9/16/2007
I'm so glad I found the time to read this. Amazing job! I love how everything is developing more and more, making this a real story story. Not sure if that makes sense, but you know what I mean :)
Can't wait for more!
| soojinyeh chapter 1 . 9/14/2007
Love it. Review me please.
| Bob Evans chapter 9 . 9/10/2007
Remarrage? Why were Ross' parents getting remarried? That sounds like an interesting, yet completely irrelevent little side-story.
And Ross shouldn't beat himself up too badly. That's one thing you have to learn when you get in the Intelligence business; sometimes the means justify the ends.
P.S. Am I the only one that noticed the similarity between this mayor, and the one from "Before it's too Late"?
| Bob Evans chapter 8 . 9/10/2007
Mike's a little...thick. He goes on all these adventures, but he seems to be in this other little world of his.
That could be dangerous. Might get him killed one day.
| Carmel March chapter 24 . 9/10/2007
La da dum, this story makes me smile :)
Great work, and update soon.
| Carmel March chapter 22 . 9/7/2007
Again, I'm terribly sorry for taking so long to review! There is no time in my life for anything but school right now, leaving only a couple of hours on the weekend free.
This story keeps amazing me with each new chapter. Every time I think something is going to happen, something completely different occurs. I love that unpredictableness :)
I'll try my best to read your new chapters sooner. Promise.
| Carmel March chapter 19 . 9/1/2007
I'm so sorry for taking such a long to review! Saying I was busy would be an understatement. But now that I've had the chance to read this, I just want to tell you that this was amazing and, once again, I loved it.
Hope to read more soon :)
| Bob Evans chapter 7 . 8/31/2007
Hmm, one immediate theory leaps out at me, and that is that these four scientists were producing monsters. However, such technology would be near impossible to set out and simply wish to creat; which means, they either stumbled upon it or discovered something increabily simple to it. I guess the real question is, why are so interested in creating these monsters?
I'm also slightly puzzled by Mr. Maverik's work with the unusal Einstein-Rosen Bridge. How do monsters and time-travel mix? Hmm, oh well...we'll see where that goes...
Oh, and hey! Noticed something interesting, but during their conversation with Xavian and Claudia, they used similar conversation form that is used in a later TSG2 chapter. Maybe you'll catch it when you read it and go (Hey! That's just like what Mike said in Chapter 7!).
| Bob Evans chapter 6 . 8/31/2007
So do we learn how Jim created the Water Monsters? Or do we only know that they simply exist?
Gah! Mike and Ross have a habit of getting themselves in dire situations.
| Carmel March chapter 17 . 8/29/2007
Really great chapter.
Due to my current state of brain-dead-ness, I can't think of anything more intelligent to say, except that I loved this, and I'll be waiting for your next update :)