Reviews for Dangerous Game
CassandraStacy chapter 10 . 9/20/2010
Hm . . . left me on a cliffie. I'm suppose to be driving to work right now. But one more chapter. Have to know what happens! )

CassandraStacy chapter 8 . 9/20/2010
I like making up words as well. When people make fun of my words I just tell them I have a speech impediment. Shuts them up(almost) every time! Disregard the fact that speech impediments don't make you make up new words.

CassandraStacy chapter 7 . 9/20/2010
Amusement parks are great because you have a lot of things to do, thus don't have to worry so much about small talk. And plus, you can hold onto your guy on the coaster as you're "terrified" out of your mind.

The chocolates were a cute gesture. And saint is probably the last word she should use to describe him.

I really like her personality, by the way. She's fun to read.

CassandraStacy chapter 6 . 9/20/2010
I love her outburst when she sees him again. And also her anger at NOT being able to be angry at him. It must have been quite a sight to see him carrying her out like that.

CassandraStacy chapter 5 . 9/20/2010
Oh yes, definite demon . . .
CassandraStacy chapter 4 . 9/20/2010
Hmm . . . slightly stalkerish to chase her down with the shoes. Couldn't he have just left them with the roommate? lol. Great chapter though, although I do find it a bit hard to believe that she'd play strip poker/bingo with a complete strange and co-worker.

CassandraStacy chapter 3 . 9/20/2010
Your prologue really intrigued me. I found the first chapter to be pretty annoying (but then again, I usually find drunks to be very annoying, so that may be why) and hard to read with all the dialogue. But the second chapter was really great. I think it opens up the story better and gives a better picture of the main character and potential love interest? Demon? I'm excited to see what happens next!

marvelchick chapter 2 . 8/25/2010
This is sounding interesting, though the chapters are bit short.
bobby5155 chapter 13 . 6/23/2010
This is one of those stories that, while it has very good writing, didn't have much of a plot. The majority of the plot is in the prologue and epilogue, the actual chapters read more or less like filler.
Random Things chapter 13 . 6/1/2010
Aww! love it!

Regan made her point nice and clear!

it was a nice end and i had thoroughly enjoyed your story
Random Things chapter 4 . 6/1/2010
this story never makes me bored
Random Things chapter 3 . 6/1/2010
I love it!

svonnah-la-fay chapter 5 . 5/3/2010
This is another superfluous chapter. The entire point of this chapter was to establish that the demon masquerading as a human somehow knew who she was despite her roommate telling her. I think this could have been done with a little more real drama, in a shorter time span.

You can obviously write well, and have a great sense of humor, but I think it's time to put this story down. These are fun characters, but I think you'd need a complete rehaul to make this marketable. Make Regan more personable and normal and not so manically hip. Also give her the sense not to play strip bingo with someone she just met. Make the demon a little darker and slightly more ominous. Introduce the overall plot sooner.

We all have stories that never went anywhere. Sometimes you have characters that live with you and never get to make it out into the real world. It doesn't mean you should stop writing, or that you're a bad writer. Keep practicing. I can't wait to see your sense of humor emerge in a mature work. :-)
svonnah-la-fay chapter 4 . 5/3/2010
I think there are two key problems here: Voice and Realism.

For voice, her hyperactive hyperbole is taxing. Like I said earlier, no one actually acts like this, and she needs to be more realistic in her attitude, descriptions, and reactions.

As for realism, I think it's highly unrealistic that she would randomly invite a man, even an extremely attractive one, into her home after knowing him less than a day and proceed to play strip bingo with him. Also, we're three chapters in and there's not really a hint of an overall plot. The prologue established that if you play strip bingo with a demon you'll get hurt. Now it's taken 3 chapters to even get to the stripping part, and we still don't have a clue as to the larger plot at hand: HOW do you get hurt by playing strip bingo with a demon?

As for the story in general, it's too short to even be a novella, so if you're going to revamp it, you'll need to work on the plot a lot more, as well as create more depth with your characters. We don't really have a good idea who Regan is, or the demon (also, you should drop the reference about her name because it's slightly narcissistic). All we've been presented about these characters is that Regan is an overly-sassy party girl and the demon is a suave, well, demon. They haven't done anything particularly insightful, or anything that would bond readers to them on a human level.
svonnah-la-fay chapter 3 . 5/3/2010
I feel that a lot of this chapter is unnecessary as well, but I wouldn't cut it completely, as it establishes her workplace and relationship with boss.

However, I'm starting to notice that the voice of your character is staying consistent with the first chapter, and this isn't necessarily a good thing. The voice was great for the first chapter, but it's continuous flippancy is starting to wear. No one is actually like that. She needs to be more 'normal.'
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