it's a good start, but not a good finish. the way you set this story up is that of a novel or legnthyer story. in that case as a short story it's a bit to inforational and not enough plot. you have set up a backround but that much of a backround insnt need for a short story, yet is is needed for a novel. not to menchien i would love to see charolette and jade get into something hot. there are a few typos (nothng compared to my stories) but a read through would be good. all in all good first chapter. and very funny as well.

-your lover.

WHO! I really liked this story! One minute it's insanely funny (Homicidal Barbie! HA!), and the next it's serious. But you easily change moods without it being awkward or choppy or whatever. Which is totally great.

You said it's supposed to be a short story, right? Well, I think this idea could be developed into a full length story. It seems like an interesting concept.

Keep up the good work!

~Kaileyfish