|Reviews for Skyline|
| Tytherpol chapter 1 . 10/13/2007
this is cool-it paints with really strong imagery.
| rust phoenix chapter 1 . 7/23/2007
"And the silhouettes of the buildings, so black/From the sun it makes them bleed,/Are merely cardboard cutouts when I close my eyes/That will fall in the next strong gust of wind."
Beautiful imagery, I love the metaphors and similes. The flow to it was very good in general, but occasionally the words seemed to be in the wrong order. For example, the last two lines in the part quoted above, if interpretted in the grammatically correct way, literally mean your eyes will fall in the next strong gust of wind. I don't mean to make a big deal out of a little thing, overall this was a very strong and well-written piece, but instances like that can cause confusion and this interrupts the flow for the reader.
| no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 7/15/2007
I like your attempts at imagery here. Some of them work really well, like imagining these strong buildings as cardboard cutouts. I also like the idea of skyscrapers having "spiny crowns." Great word choice there. However, some of your similes are either cliche ("glittering dangerously like knives") or don't really fit the rest of the poem ("like so many dead bugs on a windowsill"). The thing that's tricky about using similes and metaphors is that the ones you choose have to link together to have a really concise piece, otherwise it's just a big jumble of random things that don't go together. Do you see what I'm saying? I think you have some potential in writing, but it takes time. Writing's hard; no one ever said it was easy, and no one gets it right 100 percent of the time. Keep at it. :)
| SomeHearts chapter 1 . 7/15/2007
Is Chicago truly like that ? I've never been so I wouldn't know but it sounds so.. lifeless.