Reviews for Last Chance Streetcar
xDancingintheRainx chapter 2 . 7/12/2007
I'm really interested to see where this story goes, so I'm hoping that all those scattered notes pull themselves into an update! ) I'm beginning to like the main character already. I'm not sure you mentioned her name... Or maybe I just missed it or only read it once and it slipped my mind? She kind of reminds me of the girl version of Adrian Monk. I don't know if you've ever seen the show Monk, but it'd be worth checking out. This is a very well written piece and I'll be looking out for an eventual update. )
The Egg chapter 2 . 7/6/2007
Though the subject sort of jumped around from one deep thought to the next, and the length wasn't really a positive thing, the wording is great for Chapter 2. Very readable, and it's placed in such a way where one can visualize instead of read. The vocabulary is simple; no massive words that appear to have come straight from the Latin.

It's a style of writing that's appreciated, I suppose. A style that is meant not only to tell a story, but to feel tangible and familiar.

However, that might not mean something good. Familiarity can deteriorate into unprofessionalism, where the story becomes an angsty diary of the author (another frustrating downfall of first-person narration). It's not always detectable, which is why I'm excerising caution (which I usally do anyway).

summary: Good chapter, but be careful in the future.

Whirr chapter 2 . 7/4/2007
I really like this! There were a few parts where the tense seemed to be a bit mixed up, but other than that, it is really good.

Definitely keep writing... I want to know what happens. ]
RaindropsOnBlackRoses chapter 1 . 7/3/2007
This is really good so far. Not to offend you or anything, but it's way better than your fan fiction. I guess for you it's easier to write about your own characters than someone else's.

I see a bit of you in just reminded me of how you arranged my books by size when we set up my bookshelves in the new room. That, and her brother's birthday overshadowing hers reminded me of you and your mom sharing a birthday. And I noticed she did something eight times.

Anyway, there were a few mixed tenses and maybe a missed comma or two, but other than that, it's well written.
Elfgirl2005 chapter 1 . 7/3/2007
I love the contrasts in this chapter. How the son involved in drugs and sex is adored, but the smart, driven daughter is almost shunned. Also, I want to applaud you on avoiding trite expressions. Your similes are unique. "like the thread lining the inside of your underwear elastic" was a suprising and perfect comparison. I'm looking forward to more.
xxtoprotectxx chapter 1 . 7/3/2007
I like it so far...I'd really like to keep reading more chapters to see how it all comes together..keep writing! :)
The Egg chapter 1 . 7/3/2007
I'm proud I'm the first to get to this gem :).

Which it really is...It's the sort of thing that could actually be, well, published...the idea is spot on, even the fact that she's the governor's daughter. It's excellent how you don't play up on that, sort of like the narrator is just used to it. I also like her OCD-ish thoughts on book size.

Everything is very balanced! However, the tone could get redundant. So could starting nearly every paragraph with 'I', which could prove to be unavoidable (one of the curses of first-person narration). Nothing that a little well-placed dialogue couldn't fix, maybe one or two flashbacks if that's your thing. Or will you continue on this path, totally prove me wrong by creating what could certainly be a star piece of literature on Fictionpress?

(I'm in an optimistic mood.)

You DO have my hopes up. Especially that first line of the AN at the beginning, about the two-year thing? That's where Art and Writing differ...see, you could spend two years on a painting or two hours and end up getting the same thing.

But with writing, two years is, figuratively, an eon. The writer's style could totally alter by the end of the period and make the book seem as if it had been split in two halves; one half is upbeat, representing the author's state of mind or the popular writing style in that time. The other is gloomy, darkening as the author enters and bears with depression/insanity/trauma.

Not saying this will happen to you or with Last Chance Streetcar. Maybe I am (this is a pretty negative-sounding narrator. How long will she stay this way?).

Anyway. Length is great, but some touch-ups would be nice, like using creative ways to begin paragraphs (creative, not weird) or combining some sentences, just to make the chapter more fluid.

Just keep writing it out as you have it in your notebooks, I'm sure that it'll turn out great. Looking forward to 2.