This was beautiful. It captures the reader's senses- makes them feel for Michael the way one would generally feel toward a real-life person.

This really made me sad.

Utterly beautiful.

And I want to give Michael a hug...

You don't need to be passionate to be strong. There's great strength in subtleness.

- Lee.

Well then, left alone huh? I suppose it SHE really shouldn't have been with him. I don't think he is strong enough to keep her. She needs a lion of a man. Sigh. GAH if you could just follow the rules! heh heh heh...

Oh my.

This story was very much an amazing story; I felt like you held my attention for the entirety of it, from the beginning right down to the last word. You've captured emotions here, not just words and actions; and you've VERY artfully made them into words that even the simple man can interpret.

I'm excited for you to write more. P

I felt, though, that maybe you should've touched on the "I'm not a poet" thing more. I know it's a short story, but it (could've) been another one of those interesting things that people internally monologue about endlessly.

Aww... Now I feel sorry for Micheal now. Wonder why she didn't come?

Anyway, it was pretty wordy, if you were worried about that. And the metaphors/similes... Those were fantastic! Truly amazing.

Anyways, this was a story I thoroughly enjoyed. Great job!

Well.

That may have been dramatizing it a bit, but that was absolutely fantastic! I love the metaphors you have laying behind each paragraph, especially:

Between us bore a swell, some attacking heat only beating hearts can produce and only lovers and poets can decipher, similiar perhaps to the utmost peak of elation an athlete feels at the tip of a marathon.

Absolutely and utter brilliance. I would not have been able to come up with a sentence like that even if I had the time and the idea of it.

...

I'm sort of lost for words on how you had taken that situation and made an epic out of it. I would've wanted to write something CLOSE to that.

But then- your description of her... Is somewhat fracted from who the person was. We had never spoken, and it was only eyes that had met ends. She had just came out of a private school and was entering a public school for the first time- so she must've not had known many people there at East. To her, I may have been seen as... Someone she could relate to.

But alas, I was too afraid to say anything.

Your story was incredible. I'm going to have go and read more...

And ah! I would've tried to make it wordy. You did a great job, better than I could've!

For reasons I'm not even sure I can explain, that was devastating. Maybe it's because I was listening to Sarah McLachlan as I read this, but no, I think it was because the ending is truly deeply saddening. I sincerely wanted Michael to buy her a strawberry cone and perhaps her heart in the bargain. Every sign that you offered in the story suggested that she would continue to come to him. It was horrible and unfair when she did not. For such a short piece, you have truly captured monumental emotions.