|Reviews for Guided Futures|
| Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 12/19/2007
I'm not sure about the tenses you use here because it seems all over the place and awkward, particularly in the first sentence where I think present would work much better i.e.
Futuristic passion fade into downcast past,
shadowed by the swaggering mental state
of the reminisced factors we lack.
I also think "driven" as opposed to "drove" might work better too. Also since "self-effacing" is an adjective it doesn't quite make sense on the fifth line and it feels like you need to have a noun afterward. Otherwise I like this piece, short but definitely not simple.
| Kissing Concrete chapter 1 . 8/19/2007
i have no idea what you were talking about, or what you meant. it was still beautiful though, but there might have been too many big words. i like to read and i try to write poetry like this but i applaud you, because i think it is much much harder than it looks.
| gnomesbeatfaeries chapter 1 . 7/11/2007
Two criticisms: "of every narcissistic breathing our air" needs either a noun or a preposition in order to make sense; I'm assuming you left out an 'of'. Another thing, is that this poem is beautifully constructed and filled to the brim with complex words, it is hard to actually understand. I've read it over several times and still cannot figure out what you're trying to say. Even if this isn't a narrative poem, it would help if I knew what this was about. I really hope to see more of your writing,
| SpeedingCars8 chapter 1 . 7/10/2007
good poem; i like your choice of wording.
the only problem i have with it is that the word narcissistic is meant to be an adjective but in the sentence you put it in, it was meant to be a noun. but i think either way it was a well written poem.
| thesarcasticdreamer chapter 1 . 7/10/2007
So true... and beautiful.
I really, really like this one. It shows the stupidity of some people.