Reviews for Crossed Paths |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Nice opening line. I liked how you started your story with a catchy bit of dialogue, because that really helps to create a dynamic beginning. It also gets the plot moving. Also, it's an excellent idea for Keira and Tristan's relationship to be interracial (ie. she's got Indian ancestors and he's Japanese). I don't see much of that on Fictionpress, but I wish I did. In the story summary, you said you'd like some help, so I'll try to give a little advice. Firstly, you seem to have made several spelling and punctuation mistakes. Try running your story through a beta reader or having it edited with a spell-check program. Secondly, be consistent - if Tristan is Japanese, it might be more realistic to give him a Japanese name, for example. Thirdly, a few more descriptions and details would be nice. That would help to flesh out your story. Have a nice day, and keep writing! _ |
![]() ![]() ![]() Please update soon! :D Check out my supernatural/romance story When The Sun Goes Down. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Ok, it had been a long time since I had a chance to read the story. So I decided tonight to start from the beginning and see what you have done with the story. I have reviewed you story at least once, so I decided to review it again. From what I remember the story has gotten better since the first time I have read it. I can actually see myself there in the story. My only comment is to add the family into the story more. And to do more with the wedding. Other than that, the story is VERY good and I can't wait for more chapters. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hooray for inspiration! This was a wonderful chapter :) I got right back into the story after the first few paragraphs. Hope to see more from you soon! ~Carm~ |
![]() ![]() ![]() Your japanese is horibble, but it was a nice try. sister in japanese is - nee(chan) or san, sama, kun. Amazinf is- sugoi, or sugei Just wanted to help u out. talk to me is u need help with translations. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Oh no! Why does he care if he should have done it or not! I thought he was a heartless bastard! Come back green-eyed god! Lolz. Anyway, update soon please! Happy writing! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Yet another fantastic chapter :) I'm so sorry for taking so long to review, but I'm so incredibly busy it's hard to even get a chance to check my email. Keep up the amazing work, and update soon! ~Carm~ |
![]() ![]() ![]() update as soon as you can! with longer chapters. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Make her stand up to him. I mean its funny the way she acts but it also...frustraiting too. |
![]() ![]() ![]() LMAO OMG this is so funny please update soon! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Lovely chapter. I'm really liking the direction this story is going in. Update soon! You've got me hooked :) ~Carm~ |
![]() ![]() ![]() Wonderful, wonderful story. I love this! You've got interesting, likable characters, a clever storyline, and a great style of writing. I can't wait for more of this :) ~Carm~ |
![]() ![]() ![]() If that was me first I would make a few more keys. But the next time I saw him oh would he be in for it. By the way loved the freedom thing. |
![]() ![]() ![]() great story! |
![]() ![]() ![]() omg such a good story! put more lemon into it though! |