Reviews for Not supposed to
American Schokolade chapter 11 . 7/25/2007
I missed a chapter...Never got the email. Grr...

Anyway, I'm sorry to say, but this story is really starting to slow down. I liked Uri at the beginning, but now I'm getting kind of sick listening to him just worrying about everything. All his problems are fairly normal (excluding that he has a crush on his brother), but he tends to just harp on them until I'm left just thinking, "Shut up and take it." So far, all his problems are rather superficial and I find myself wondering when he's going to grow up.

Also, I don't think you're paying enough attention to Shawn. His character is rather normal. Uri tells us he's a great guy, and I guess he would know since they grew up together, but so far, I'm not seeing it. I hardly feel like I know Shawn any more than I do Dan or Nate or even Rane, and from what I've seen, there's nothing special to love about him.

That's not to say that this story is bad (anything but!), but with a story like this, you've got to build either really interesting circumstances or really interesting characters. So far, this isn't really offering anything new yet. I don't want to see this one go the way of the other cliche slash incest stories. Now, I realize I may be speaking to soon, but I really hope you add some more content to spice things up. Pile it on. )
Amerez chapter 10 . 7/25/2007
kay, so I'm sorta late reviewing oh well. I like Rane, I hope he doesn't turn out to be a bad guy from what Nate said about him being manipulative. You're so good at foreshadowing...I'm going crazy with the soggy flakes. lol. Off to read chapter 11!
iwanttodeletethiswtf chapter 10 . 7/24/2007
i liked this and i think its weird that Coltrane called himself rane. of course that could be a nickname. but also, if i were uri, i'd be wondering why in the world rane, a jock, would've started talking to me. i mean, yea he said it was because Uri turned down Allie but i think it seems like more especially since Rane keeps bothering Uri. I want SHAWN! lol, sorry. but rane's good too.

as an answer to your reply: honestly if i hadn't looked again and wondered why you didn't message me back i would've have never read your reply. but its okay that you're not gonna give 2 chaps at a time. Sad, but okay, because i can deal. LATA!

-ELEMENT
Emo Zombie chapter 10 . 7/24/2007
Soggy cornflakes is important?

...uhh *ahem* you should...go...update... so uh... I can... find out why.

Ha, nah, you update pretty much daily, so you rule, as I have said before.

I like how Uri pukes a lot. Heehee, it just makes him seem... innocent? Not really the word I'm looking for, but something similar.
iwanttodeletethiswtf chapter 9 . 7/23/2007
hey. I really like this story and I'm sorry that I haven't reviewed before but I've actually been reading this since chapter...4 came out I think. I really like that you're such a consistently updating author. I just wish you'd update two chapters at a time because this story is seriously SO good that it sucks to wait. I feel for Uriel, I know it sucks when your best friend likes someone you like. Of course, my circumstances were different than his. I might not review again but that's because I'm lazy but know this, I'm always reading.

HUGS!,

ELEMENT

PS-ur on my fave authors! Sorry but sometimes I don't put fave stories until the story ends and this is one of those times. i just really want you to keep up w/ this story so that you can be on both faves. BYE! -
American Schokolade chapter 9 . 7/22/2007
I'm hoping this works because Fiction Press is being really weird today...

Anyway, I liked this chapter. When Uri was describing the hot water in the shower, I was completely expecting a masturbation scene, but then it turned out to be Shawn who did. That was a little personally amusing... When Shawn didn't come down for breakfast, though, I guessed what he was doing...

The conversation between Uri and Rane seemed a little forced, but I liked how Uri rejected Allie. Yay. And I hope Uri doesn't get himself caught up in -another- love triangle with Dan and Nancy. That'd just be too much for the guy!

Well, it's great so far, so keep it up!
Amerez chapter 9 . 7/22/2007
Hi! This chapter was funny, all akward and full of tension...it was great. I bet Rane is a jock...I wonder if he'll be an important character.

Now for a bit of friendly critiquing...While I love how detailed you are sometimes, othertimes it's like huh? You should try to get rid of stuff that's irrelevant to the story or that we don't really need to know. It confuses the reader. Know what I mean? Like the bit with the cornflakes...I read it and was like hah, soggy cornflakes! I'm not the only one who likes them. Then I started thinking the cornflakes were going to come up again, cuz why else would they be there. I guess it's character development you're trying to go for, but you should try to stick to stuff that's relevant or that is going to be an ongoing thing, like a personal tick or something.

Wow. This is a really long review. Hope I didn't sound mean. I'm always hesitant about critiquing, cuz I don't want to offend anyone. Feel free to use my advice or ignore it. Either way, I still love this story!
Emo Zombie chapter 9 . 7/22/2007
Ahh, I love this story. A lot. And I love how you update it so often. I really could kiss you for that.

For a minute there, I really thought that Dan was crushing on Uri. This new Rane guy makes me quite curious of what will happen next as well.
Amerez chapter 8 . 7/20/2007
I am so loving these fast updates! Thanks...

Not a lot to say today, good chapter as always.
swaggurl15 chapter 8 . 7/20/2007
Good .
American Schokolade chapter 8 . 7/20/2007
I don't know what to say... Even more of Uri being oblivious, yay! I can't wait to see how he takes it when he finds everything out... And when he does-yikes, what'll their parents do?

That was cute how Shawn totally manipulated Uri into making him sandwiches again, even though Uri knew that he was being manipulated. Poor Uri...

Anyway, this was another good chapter so keep it up!
Amerez chapter 7 . 7/19/2007
Howdy! I liked this chapter...lots of Uri being . You've got the informal thing down now. I also like the pace of the story...not too fast or too slow. Keep up the good work!
Kaerith chapter 7 . 7/19/2007
"...this is somebody I’ve known for quite some time now. Somebody worthy of all the love there is in the world...”

*goes totally fangirl-Renge right now* (Ouran ref, if you don't get.) Kyaa~! I felt the warm fuzzies!
Meri chapter 7 . 7/19/2007
AHAHAHAHAHAHA nightmare...*snicker* lol that gave me a huge kick but oh, if only Uri had gone to comfort him :p. anywho great chapter as always i'm sorry for not reviewing when i should i'm just a lazy ass who should be shot BUT! i am going to make more of an effort to review from now on so this isn't the last of me!
Mister Cat chapter 7 . 7/19/2007
Hey... I read this while laughing at the funny bits and sigh at the dramatic one... hmm it's great story... with lots of things that made me just read them without stopping...

Well hope u update soon...
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