|Reviews for Fire and Frost|
| Devin-Jamie chapter 1 . 9/7/2008
The last paragraph&line are, by far, my favourite.
If I had to choose one line, I think it would be this one:
"...in a tortured tangle of arms and legs, they tend to each other's hurts."
| thebloodfiend chapter 1 . 9/6/2008
Just finished English one so I now know what alliteration is. hah
| fwoosh chapter 1 . 9/4/2008
What can I say? Positively, Perfectly Poetic. nyahaha.
| Elle Winters 9 chapter 1 . 7/6/2008
| snowdance chapter 1 . 4/22/2008
You may curse your friend all you want, but the alliteration adds to the poem/story.
I liked it lots. The descriptions were perfect and it was a sweet story.
P.S.: If you liked this, check out "Fire and Ice" by me!
| Orange Munke chapter 1 . 4/16/2008
Nice and lovely. Love the parallels!
| emilybh chapter 1 . 3/13/2008
this is neat. a cool little story.
the description, there was so much! i liked it.
| zoule chapter 1 . 3/1/2008
Alliteration good. You make the images and contrasts so amazing
| Sarah Allie chapter 1 . 2/22/2008
Absolutely phenomenal... great job. I especially loved the alliteration :).
Sarah :) x
| PunK.cHEw.AsIAn chapter 1 . 2/17/2008
| NationChild chapter 1 . 1/12/2008
I love all of your alliterations. You write them most excellently! The readers could really imagine the imagery you've painted
I love the plot, too. The simple idea of two creatures (people?) trying so hard to please the other, using what they are most experienced at to create something so magnificent for the other; unfortunately, their tastes don't exactly suit each other.
Overall, this is a wonderful story and deserves to be published!
| Minamahal chapter 1 . 1/4/2008
That was amazingly beautiful. The vivid imagery and the alliterations adds to its beauty. I couldn't believe how so little words could tell so much. I had a crystal clear picture of what is happening in my head. I'm simply amazed by the way you wrote this wonderful piece. I love its originality with its added romance and their two seperate, yet not so, worlds were so tantalizing reminding me a bit of Romeo and Juliet. It's quite funny since the piece seemed to be a myth about night and day and the sun and moon, how they are separate yet with each other, they make up a whole day.
To put it simply, I am in awe of your writing and I am in awe of this wonderful little piece of yours. Fantabulous job!
| Marmelade chapter 1 . 1/3/2008
Beautiful. Simply beautiful.
| Lyharii chapter 1 . 12/16/2007
A nice piece. I mostly liked the alliteration, although I felt it became excessively wordy at some points and led, a few times, to some awkward phrasing. It had something of the feel of an exercise to it, though, and experiments are always welcome. )
On another note, I felt there was a certain silliness to the certain bits of alliteration (e.g. "he always crystallizes crimson comets") that almost undermined the depth of the ending. This might've been on purpose, just to make something simple and light, but at the same time the end sounded like it was trying (with moderate success) to be something more profound.
Anyway, I liked how you switched up the sun-and-moon deal so that the moon (or night) was male and the sun (or day) was female. It seems things are usually the other way around, and deviation is always interesting.
Was a fun vocab lesson for me... I think I just learned something like ten new words. Hehe.
Some nitpicking & suggestions...
"He collects and places midnight flowers on her pillow..."
Well, it sounds like he's collecting midnight flowers on her pillow... and then placing them on her pillow. Maybe you could rephrase to something less ambiguous, like "He collects midnight flowers and places them on her pillow." (Same deal with the counterpart, "She gathers and leaves apricot celestials on his pillow.")
"...ivory icicles imparting as he thaws in her hot embrace."
"Imparting" here seems like the wrong verb. Sounds kind of awkward.
"...he chills the subsoil with his anger."
"Anger," just like that, sounds so... shallow. Just half the story. It's definitely more than anger (as conveyed by the counterpart, where she "razes the skies with her tears"-tears can mean lots of things). I feel that you could probably pick another, better word to describe his emotion at this point.
"They both miss the target, and in a tortured tangle of arms and legs, they tend to each other's hurts."
If they missed, why do they need to tend hurts? Or do you mean emotional wounds?
"Damask, violet, burgundy, lavender, they'll put up with the colors."
I was kind of confused about the color choice here... Did you mean them to be random, or did you mean them to be a kind of ambiguous blend of both their trademark colors? Because when I first read this, I felt that the selection of colors was heavily biased towards hers.
"There are still some stupid slip-ups every now and then."
Kind of building off what someone else (Reiye) mentioned, I felt that "stupid" was a little off tone-wise, too, and maybe it would be better to use "silly" instead. Or something like that.
Anyway, thanks for a fun read, as always. )
| sam chapter 1 . 12/11/2007
wow...just wow. That was breathtakingly beautiful!