I hope you won't mind but I think you need to work on the sentence construction, punctuation, and choice of words.

Really, you need to improve on your sentence construction. It will be a mark of your style. It will dictate how your story will flow. And most of the time, a good storyline is spoiled by poor dialogue and narration, so always be careful of that.

And, later on, as you continue writing, you will see that some words have more impact than other words, even though these may mean the same.

A story teller is judged by how good she conveys images and emotions to her audience. Always keep that in mind.

But this is your first story anyway, so I'm pretty sure you'll improve as you write more and more stories. Keep it up. :)

Plot wise it was alright.

You need to work on your grammar a lot. Do you even edit your work after you finish? You also mentioned that Avery had a daughter a few times, which makes no sense.

Another thing; you didn't tie it all up and a lot of things didn't make much sense. What happened to the ring? How was Caden able to take her away without anyone calling to see what happened? If Caden was sent by Avery's parents to check up on her, wouldn't they have asked him where she was? And why would his aunt and uncle have Caden and Avery drive Alea to Florida if they were rich? A plane ticket doesn't cost all that much.

And why were they gone for a month? The setting and all that honestly doesn't make sense.

Thank you so much for deciding on writting the story. I really do understand that many writers are afraid of getting their work copy but it also sucks for the reader when those things happen because they are left without knowing what happen next. So thanks againg for thinking about us the reader's. n_n

omg! no...

thatz sadd... plz continue...

Helen

i had completely forgotten about it

but i still love it

ooh jealousy haha

can't wait for more

izzie

omg i love it!

u GOTTA keep writing!

lol caden's jealous!

~~inform me of your updates!

awesome story! please update soon!

awesome story. im adding it to my favorites and alerts~

Oh My Gosh I LOVE your story. Caden so likes her although if he keeps on trying to make her jealous I'm not sure that calling her the nanny would improve his chances.

Anyways Graham seems really sweet - especially since he seems to be pissing Caden off.

Please, please, please UPDATE SOON! :D

ooh something interesting

damn assface. how dare he be a buttface to her

can't wait for more

izzie

Love the story..Keep updating pls!

I love your story. I can't wait for more.

How cute. Hurry and update!

E

i love it! please update soon

oh

angry girl revenge lol

can't wait for more

loved the chapter

*scoffs* caden that ass.

izzie