UPDATE! NOW! i'm getting impatient!

ohh! i so love where this is going. write more chapters pleaase!

~Stefania [lover-and-fighter]

Sentences are still a little clippy, expand more when people are talking to each other. You're also rushing a lot; I'm surprised Sapphire admitted to the fact that she loved Ire so quickly into the story. Other than that, it's interesting! Update soon

you confused me. "sapphire." Guy or chick? if its a guy, he then is gay. confused

i like the idea

more description would be nice

such as they ran panting through the forest not bothering to catch a quick breath

and more description on the jewlelry robbery would be good

realistically i think the heist shouldve been at night a break in when no ones there

i mean two teenagers could easily be overpowered

more

i wanna know what the boy says

and i think the admission about loving him was to quick into the story

and the descriptions on the characters shouldnt be written like that.

when a character speaks you then say

rock was blah blah blah he had blah blah blah hair

he ran away from home because of blah blah blah

etc

Exciting! I totally wanna know more. Only advice I have is to avoid short sentences. I.E. 'He's like the brother I always wanted. I really like Burn. His parents are dead.' Expand more on this..make it more real so it doesn't sound so 'clippy'