That is so freakin' scary! Now that's why I don't go on Myspace.

I have read few other stories comparing to the aweful that permeates in every word.

Besides numerous grammatical errors, your writing is vile and childish. You need to describe more, feel more, GIVE MORE. And the way your characters talk reminds me of an elementary school play- robotic and unbelievable.

It makes me sad that there are other people out there who say things like, "I'll never look at myspace the same again."

It's plain childish writing, very poorly done.

Wow . . . creepy indeed . . . ! like it!

Although the point was clear with this, the story was poor. No author *ever* writes like this "Bridget(15) said to her friend.".

The fact that this to be taken seriously is ridiculous. He clearly stalked them PRIOR to them getting MySpace accounts, otherwise how could he have seen them?

There was also little feeling in this. It was all told in a very "matter of fact" manner. He did this, they said this. No time for afterthought, hidden feelings etc.

In such a piece like this, you need more feeling. We need to feel their terror,the suspense etc.

this is so creepy...ill never think of myspace the same again...

A very interesting short, I do't think I've read one like this before. The plot wasn't exactly the strongest thing I've read about, but definitely the story itself was intriguing to me. It actually reminds me of my story that I'm currently writing for fp, but haven't posted.

If you don't mind the CC, which I hope you don't, I'll lastly add that having the parenthesis in between words is a it awkward and throws off the reader, but other than that there's nothing else to point out.

C.S.