Reviews for A Dark and Stormy Night
KnittingKneedle chapter 1 . 2/4/2008
Woah this is some heavy duty stuff...five year-olds cutting themselves is a little disturbing...

the emotion in this is very raw, very disturbing like I said before.

The language you use really drills the content into me- I thought it was very realistic...a little melodramatic sometimes I thought, but Gabrielle is a cutter- you don't get more melodramtic than that...

I don't like the changes between first person and third person, I get that there are flashbacks but I think that you could easily find a POV to stick to.

I liked this, the writing is good- but it's very heavy duty to read, I think that's a good thing!
GirlWithADream23 chapter 1 . 10/8/2007
Okay , I should be reviewing on the last chapter since this is for the whole book but wow. This is really good , and its so true.
Summer chapter 18 . 10/8/2007
This is amazing. I love it. You have true potential of being an author if you chose to.
jamesy1 chapter 12 . 10/6/2007
I love this chapter! And this story. you're such a good writer. You complain about not being able to make your themes subtle but the way you write bluntly and in-your-face just works so much better for this story. Upload more soon!
Shelly McCoy chapter 11 . 9/23/2007
I love the way you wrote this, first off. I love how you wrote Gabrielle in the present and Tobias telling the past.

I wasn't so sure about the story in the beginning, espiecially when you said that Tobias had cut himself when he was five.

But then, as it progressed, I couldn't stop reading, especially during Tobias' parts.

I just really have a few questions:

Why does Gabrielle cut? I got that she was mourning the loss of Tobias' love, but she hated it so much before. I s'pose that will become clearer later, though.
Universal Completion chapter 5 . 9/17/2007
i dont get it. the start was so good, and then i got lost. Maybe it because it 3 in the morning and i need to take my ass to bed. yea maybe that it. i'll reread it when i wake up. maybe then it will make more sense
Mazer chapter 11 . 8/30/2007
This story is amazing, your style is advanced and your own, and I can really relate to Gabrielle, since one of my friends is what you'd call a "Tobias". Please update soon, I can't wait to read more!
Fractured Illusion chapter 4 . 8/25/2007
"It was almost noon, that same day"

WHAT day? O.o

"“We’re actually twins,” she told me,"

A continuation of Tobias chapter, then? (I didnt get it was Tobias' chapter as I thoughtit read "Before Tobias" meaning it was from her POV I am weird)

"“Well[,] he just "

"“St. Williams.”

“The hospital?”"

Ok, he just moved there, and already knows the name of the hospital? When I was a kid, *I* didn't know the name of the closest hospital, despite never having moved anywhere :/


Whoa, weird O.o Why is that at the end of the chapter? seems weird.

Nice chapter though! Not a whole lot to it, but I liked it. I wonder if her brother died short after. Hmm..

- Frac
GoddessofBlue chapter 11 . 8/25/2007
Wow... that's really powerful. And so true. I love these random babbings from Gabrielle. They're so strong and well written and beautiful. It reminds me of the past. I love it. Continue... please!
NightOfAThousandNightmares chapter 11 . 8/24/2007

I think that Tobias and Gabrielle could relate a lot to each other. They could really help each other out.
Fractured Illusion chapter 3 . 8/24/2007
"She traced the scars on her arms. The fresh cuts were still sore to the touch"

It sounds as if in the second sentence you talk about the first. :/ I know I don't make much sense, but try:

"She traced the scars on her arms *because* the fresh cuts were still sore to touch"

And I am in mourning! The nouns have returned along with the girl :/

"“Twenty-seven,” she counted. 27 scars."

Either you write out the numbers or you write it in words. Not either. I suggest using the words, it proves more professional.

So yeah, not too impressed by this chapter. The variation in sentence openers presented in the previous chapter seems almost totally gone in this one, much like the first chapter. Maybe it is a conscious move, and if it is; I advise against it, because using nouns all the time isn't good for ya.

I wonder why she cuts though. And so much as well.

So far I am not too impressed by Gabe. I have only seen her angsting; not as a human with other sides, such as Tobias, who has only been in one chapter but left much more of an impression. Gabe seems weak in comparison.

- Frac
Fractured Illusion chapter 2 . 8/24/2007
"Most kids laughed. I cut myself."

Wait, wha? Last time age of the character was revealed, he was five. Does he really cut himself at SUCH a young age? It seems unbelievable...

"Whatever Iwanted"

missed the space between the words there

"AS I entered " you probably spot the error yourself

"in mys haggy brown" mys? Eh?

"“Me, too,”"

Nix the first comma

A very good chapter, I was captured instantly. Also, the noun sentence opener problem no longer exists here. The writing felt alive and aside from the fact this young boy seemed to cut himself, everything fit very well together and had good flow.

Well done! :D This was way better than the first chapter, I tell you.

- Frac
Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 8/24/2007
Hi there! Found ya on the forums

Anyhow, onto the actual review:

You start almost all your sentences with nouns (the, he, she, -character name-, etc) and that isn't good. You want to vary the way you start your writing, otherwise it grows repetitive. And quickly, too.

I am curious what happens though, and I guess now we will read of their first encounter in the next chapter?

Polish the sentences a bit and all will be good

- Frac
GoddessofBlue chapter 10 . 8/23/2007
I'm really interested in knowing what's going on. I love how I'm getting to know more and more about the characters as the story progresses, but I'm so anxious to know what happened that it's killing me! I think their relationship is so cute.

Continue soon!
NightOfAThousandNightmares chapter 10 . 8/19/2007
*Tears well up*


I love this story. If you are alittle confused, I review both chapters at one time.

Review, skip, Review...

You know.

But I love this story! And chap. 9 was VERY emotional, so its okay.

I just hope to see them actually kiss!
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