|Reviews for thinking about our friendship|
| aibohatsukoi chapter 1 . 7/22/2007
mwuahaha. I am first review for Ria-chan's poem
First off. I know who this is about Yay Perks of knowing the poet!
Second, I'll be serious now.
I really like how you punctuated the poem. It helped the readers establish the beginning and end of the thought.
I can't really say that I have a favorite part of the poem because I can relate to each passage differently.
Although the first two lines are a little confusing, perhaps it's just written a little awkwardly? Maybe the first line could be punctuated with a period and the second and third line could be its own passage. But then you'd have to change a few words of the second line.
Haha. I get it now. Ignore that suggestion.
The second passage. I like how you tie the sixth line back to the third line. It points out how important, or how scarring the brokeness was.
Last passage. Okay, I might've lied. I really liked the ending the best. Not only can I relate to it, the pause, by simply moving the rest of the sentence so it could be its own, is astounding.
It makes it stick out. A lot. And it didn't seem too wordy like some authors tend to, nor is it not wordy enough. It's perfect.
I can't believe they didn't accept your poem. Stupid magazine people. -kicks mag-
Whatever, when you publish your own anothology (I think that's what its called?) we can psh them together. Yay!
I would be really pissed if this review got cut off. O;