|Reviews for Fugitive Knight Esaka|
| ZeektheBard chapter 1 . 8/19/2007
Well, for a prologue it's pretty good (slightly too informative IMO though). Dragon Controling gives quite a bit of posibilities, so I'm hoping for something original.
The only thing I have my doubts about is logic of Faust's actions. I suppose he didn't want his son to take the throne away from him, but in that action he'd end his own dynasty right there? Couldn't he like send this kid somewhere for training until he (meaning Faust) died? (in a way "Shrek 3" used something like that).
But maybe that's just me.
Overall this sounds promising and I'll read more later.
| RagnarokWitness chapter 1 . 8/16/2007
Well, the prologue seems interesting (though I can't see any logic in Faust beavior, trying to kill his firstborn). I'd say that this story has potencial and I'll deffinately read the next chapter soon.
| Shang chapter 3 . 8/8/2007
Okay, basically I can say the same thing I did in my previous review. With one add-on: although I hate stretching things myself, making the story move too fast is a bad idea too. Esaka trusted this whole Solomon too easily. They just met in a forest full of weird creatures and out of the blue he accepts the help of a person who could be leading him into a trap for all he knows.
Plus, at this point, it's hard to tell whether this alchemic witch has any reason to do what she is, or is she just to keep the heroes occuppied (and such bad guys/girls usually end up annoying readers).
I'm actually interested in this whole Solomon guys and all, but I do suggest you work on the things I mentioned before.
Good luck with future chapters.
| Shang chapter 2 . 8/8/2007
Well, to start off with a positive: the plot itself seems intriguing. What's between Rekin and Esaka? And what about their master?
Sadly the rest would require work IMO. First thing I noticed is that you lack description. Basically entire chapter was based on dialogue. As some character from my friend's story once said: "This cannot be!"
You can't base an action/adventure story (much less when it's also fantasy) on just dialogue. I cann't let go of the fact that you didn't describe the characters at all (though in this case it'd be helpful to know Aria, as the vision of sprites different dependable on the writer... I pictured them kinda like the fairy from "Peter Pan", while the one here doesn't seem to fit that idea).
The fight scenes were also... well, they were basically left out. You basically didn't made anything of Rekin vs. Esaka battle and the way Aria defeated those guardbots seemed weird... I mean Esaka managed to put on his gears and they just patiently waited for Aria to cast a spell or whatever and cut their heads off...
I'm not saying that you should fill your chapters with description, but a story ripped almost completely from them... well, lets just say that I don't really classify those as stories, but more like scene plays.
Hope you don't feel offended by what I wrote above. It's a well-meant critique. I believe that you're plot is interesting, so it'd be a shame if the story would turn out to be unppular because of lack of descriptions.
Good luck with future chapters.
| Shang chapter 1 . 7/31/2007
I must admit that I got confused with the prologue at some points (maybe because english isn't my first language, but): like at the beginning I truly had no idea who was the one to use dragons first: humans or vladarians. And then there's Faust trying to kill his firstborn because of some law. I may have gotten it wrong, but Faust killing his firstborn seems slightly illogical to me: the child only gets the throne if the king dies and if he'd kill the child, after his death his family wouldn't rule anymore. IMO he was either truly mad or stupid.
But besides that (and that Faust and Demetrius kinda resemble Elrond and Isildior from "Lord of the Rings"... especially the movie) I find the prologue inrtiguing. This may turn out to be very interesting and since I write manga/fantasy stories myself, I'll be sure to read the next chapter soon.
Not just yet as I just got back from a long abscence on the site and have a lot of catching up to do, but once I do return to this story, you can expect some reviews from me as I prefer to review every chapter separately.
Until then (unless you'll decide to check out my stories, then perhaps we'll 'chat' sooner).
Take care and good luck with this story.
| Kouta Aburame chapter 1 . 7/30/2007
This is a good prologue for a fantasy. I saw a few sentences that sounded a little iffy and in some places you were slightly redundant. I belive there was one sentence where you used the word "kingdom" twice.
Still, it looks interesting
Write on fellow author
| Kakyou Takashiro chapter 2 . 7/28/2007
This is... WOW. I have to say, though fantasy is not a strong point here on fictionpress manga, you've surely proved that even genres that are not done well, can be done well. rather, not just well, but amazing. i haven't read a fantasy this captivating in a while. the prologue was beautiful, and the first chapter was excellent. you have wonderful command of your prose, your characters are rich, and the world you've created seems fruitfully real. this is certainly the most delightful read of the day. and by far one the most captivating manga reads out there. can't wait for more.