|Reviews for Leaving Me|
| Shinigami1337 chapter 1 . 1/20/2008
*sniffles* it's so sad! *cries* Poor Hisashi! I love and hate Koji now; love for him being the only one to seem to really care about Hisashi, but I hate him for not talking to Hisashi for so long!
geez, you did an awesome job on this! *sniffles* you're a great writer. Now I kinda want to do fanart...*gasps at the realization of what they just said*
| Natsuya chapter 1 . 7/25/2007
This was such a short and tragic piece of writing, formatted in beautiful, yet simplistic prose and a fitting "stream of consciousness" technique. The only thing that wasn't so good was the tense; you used a mixture of both past and present (it might have been on purpose for creative purposes, I don't know). I think since it is a "stream of consciousness" story (which means you are narrating through the main character's thoughts)and the main character dies at the end this should have been written in the present tense.
Putting that aside, this story almost made me cry. Well, I may not have cried physically, but I surely was crying in the depths of my heart! This was so sad! The melancholy expressed through Hisashi's thoughts and Koji's radiant aura that made the last years of his life worthwile...and Koji's last words...I thought the ending was perfect. I think I have never seen such a dramatic use of a hyphen before, I mean, I use it occasionally for dramatic effect, but yours really carried the weight of a tragic ending.
The scene with the two kissing was also very nicely done. Though it was short it kind of had this bitter-sweet feeling to it.
"Flushed, I looked away. “I’m sorry…” He wrapped his arms around my frail figure and pulled me closer. I did the same to him. And we remained there; content to just be within the embrace of one another."
I don't know if you did it on purpose, but not telling us who is apologizing gave this nice touch of ambiguity to that scene. We, the readers, are asking ourselves: who is apologizing? Possibly, Koji because he kissed his best friend, or Hisashi, because he is embarrassed. Also, you didn't mention who initiated the kiss. Yes, one could assume it was Koji because Hisashi was the one who was taken by surprise, but in such close proximity, maybe he himself subconsciously had leaned forward. This again, had an excellent effect, I think. It makes the reader think and gets them more involved.
Lol, maybe I am reading into this too much, but because it is a short story, little details like that are significant. Wow, this story really has left an impression on me...
Well, done. It was a pleasure to read. Just fix the tenses and it'll be perfect.
| Melissa Norvell chapter 1 . 7/24/2007
A very emotional and powerful piece. It's also nice to see some good quality shounen-ai out there besides my works ; This will go on my favorite stories list.
If you have the time, feel free to check out some of my works. You won't be dissapointed.
| dainochild chapter 1 . 7/24/2007
! That was so sad. I'm almost in tears. It's really powerful and sweet. Well done.