Reviews for Never Yours |
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Radisshu-chan chapter 1 . 9/24/2007 Hahaha, that's got to be embarrassing, XD I can't wait to see what happens next! |
Faye chapter 1 . 8/15/2007 I find it interestingly funny. Update soon please? |
Tigerlillium chapter 1 . 7/28/2007 haha! what a great way to end the chapter! can't wait to see what happens next! Update Soon! |
Willowindrain chapter 1 . 7/26/2007 Wow... The summary really pulled me in . Usually I would only read the completed fictions... This chapter is like only the prolouge (sp?)right? Cause 748 is quite short for the first chapter... The chapter does fit the title (Stalker Syndrome) . Okay here are somethings i think needs to be corrected (please note that there're some stuff i'm not sure) You look like a scientist that’s just found the perfect specimen, still observing James like a hawk? ~Probably you can either eliminate one of the description or divide the decribing into two . Warning : This is just and example of how i would phrase it .I'm very very very (infinity) sorry if it offends you in any way . Example :"You might want to avert your eyes .You look like a scientist that's just found the perfect specimen. James might think he's prey. If someone other than me and Amy notice you're going to be in trouble, you’re kinda starting to seem stalker-ish.” Em so kindly stated" Omg! I can’t believe this is my so called friend that is supposed to know me like that palm of her hand, but now that I think of that saying, I don’t know my palm very well. ~ I think the saying is "Like the back of my hand " or in this case 'her hand' wide, wide eyes and right after I felt a large shadow fall over me I heard the most musical voice ~Eh... 'felt a large shadow' seems wrong. Try using 'felt a looming presence' wait wait hold on a tick... Before my brain could compute the image of Emily’s wide, wide eyes and right after I felt a large shadow fall over me I heard the most musical voice I had always wanted to speak to me say, “Why, I think that would be a wonderful idea Ms. Melissa I smell something fishy here... okay found it ! The 'and right...' just doesn't fit there Please reread the warning above Reconstruction: Before my brain could even compute the widening of Emily's eyes, I felt a looming presence right behind me that demanded attention. Then. I heard the most musical voice ,that I had always wanted to hear directed to me, say "Why, I think that that would be a wonderful idea Ms. Melissa" Okay other than that, there're the short forms that should be expanded such as 'OmG!' It's better if you type "Oh my God !" Yeah, i guess that's it. I hope i did help and didn't offend you... Anyway , WRITE ! There's a big big cliffe there ! Hurry ! (as you can see i don't do well in suspense ) |
Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 7/25/2007 I love the story. Please update soon. :) |