Reviews for Funny Business
A.F Lanley chapter 16 . 12/28/2009
EVICTION NOTICE

In the time period of 10 days this story will be deleted from the Community (C2) 'Supernaturally Good Supernatural Stories'

wherein you have not posted for a very long time, thereby violating one of the main principles the community is based upon

wherein you do not post within the next 10 days
pandorka42 chapter 7 . 7/13/2008
[They were in cave.] You're missing 'a'. Lol.
pandorka42 chapter 5 . 7/13/2008
[“Hi she said] You left out the second quotation mark. Lol.

First, Jesus Christ, that cop needs to be put in a psych ward. Second, poor Tristan. Gets out of the interrogation, sees his soul mate, then gets punched in the face. Happy ending?
pandorka42 chapter 2 . 7/13/2008
I'm back! Bet you're excited, no? Hahaha, just kidding.

The Gotes Bered introduction was a good background check. This was what I was talking about in my other review about being able to talk about anything and making it an entertaining read! You talked about a weird semi-abandoned town and made it more than bearable! You deserve a pat on the back. Lol.

[as she had locked it in the refrigerator overnight by mistake] ROFL. Totally something I can see happening. Poor kitty!

[He heard Tristan’s bloodcurdling scream.] AH MA GOD! I have to keep going now! Good hook! ::rushes off::
pandorka42 chapter 1 . 7/13/2008
Hello! I love your title. It reminds me of monkeys flinging poo. Which, I'll be the first to admit, probably isn't the imagery you're trying to tie to your story, but, hey, it's memorable! I've also got to say that even in the prologue, I can tell your writing is exactly the kind I love to read. The one where writing is like you're having a conversation with the reader, except the reader can't talk back. It's also the style where it doesn't matter what the hell you're writing about, because the writing's so entertaining, you could make talking about geography sound fun. Lol.

[And then in a mystical tone, he added, “buy a turtle.”] Hahaha! This made me laugh.

I'm going to shut up and keep reading now. Possibly leaving a few reviews along the way. :)
Tasha West chapter 16 . 12/30/2007
I'm so sorry I've taken so long to get around to reading this, but now that I have...it was very, very, very short, and I feel slightly robbed,:P. But despite that, as always it was good and wasn't entirely uneventful, but now I'm hoping you'll update again soon. I want to know what's coming up next! So, update as soon as you can!

Oh, and enjoy your New Years celebrations (if you have any planned)! Ciao and take care :)
criti-sized chapter 16 . 12/21/2007
Yay, an update. Not I'm joking with you. It's nice to see you updated finally.

"Tommy shook his head slowly. “No…why—are you going back to that place? You’re gonna to try take it all away from me, aren’t you?”" That doesn't sound too healthy.

I still don't trust that lamppost, and you given me a good enough reason, it's conniving and deceitful.

"He turned around and saw Tommy planted firmly on his seat in the blue grass." Blue grass?

"I’m sensing hostility, Trist. You got a problem with me or something?”" Didn't he sound a little hostile before when he thought that Tristan was going to try and take the powers from him, lol.

That's hilarious that the tree is tricky, "Say these words" Most people wouldn't catch that.

"“Wa!” He screamed." This sounded a bit awkward. Maybe instead of having both, the words and the descriptive that he screamed, you could judt leave it at saying he screamed.

"...needless to say the Prime Minister was a hippie)." Yeah, that's for sure, but I guess havign it undergrounf would be too repetitive, lol.

"“What the hell is this place?”" I'm guessing that was ommy, only he could be so articulate.

This chapter was interesting, though short. I liked how you had the other guys narrate for a short time at the end when Tristan and Tommy entered the place.

C.S.
criti-sized chapter 15 . 11/14/2007
I know it's been forever since you've updated, and twice so since I've gotten around to reviewing... Well here we go. I guess it's good that you haven't updated yet.

Lol, this was an interesting chapter. I sort of expected that Tommy would drink from the fountain, and I think I was right when I guessed that light, or whatever it was was evil.

Okay, Tommy set Tristan's finger on fire? How'd he do that? Maybe you'll tell us how, I'm suspecting that it was because he drank from thet fountain, but am not too sure so I'm asking.

Other than that, the chapter was nice.

C.S.
Tasha West chapter 15 . 11/6/2007
Oh God, how funny...the end bit in particular! That's so cute, lol. I'm hoping you update soonish. You're doing great :)
Tasha West chapter 14 . 11/6/2007
I have a week off from uni so I have finally made time to catch up on this, and you've been doing the updating thing, lol. Goodie goodie gum drops.

Ah Firstly...

"How was he supposed to defend himself is they came just then(...)" You mean 'if' instead of 'is'.

Why did you happen to name the lane 'sudoko'? Or was it just randomness? I just pondered that...like that's the grid game thingy that your supposed to put numbers in right? Eh, boring game, anyway I'm going off point.

Lol, anyway good chapter. I'm glad Tristan's out of jail now :)
Dellarose chapter 15 . 11/5/2007
The Sesame Street joke... wow, that is funny. And the potato chip can portal too. Ha! I love it.

Anyway, this is all crashing towards the crescendo, you say? Eeh, I can’t wait.
criti-sized chapter 14 . 11/1/2007
Nice chapter. I get the feeling that it wasn't such a good idea for Tommy to go through the tube at all. And yeah, talk about easy to find. A portal in a potato chip tube? If that isn't uncanny, what in this story isn't.

Tristan has a point about the lamp not telling the truth, but what are the odds that he'd give him the same scar/bite that the old man and the woman had? Of course you're going to explain that eventually, so I'm not going to ask too many questions.

Update soon.

C.S.
Tasha West chapter 13 . 10/20/2007
Ooh interesting :) but it seems like the lamp-post is interfering in a not so helpful way, and I don't like it, I don't like what's happening to Tristan either. I like him, lol. Makes me mad that he's getting arrested. Update soon, I can't wait to see what's up next.
criti-sized chapter 13 . 10/19/2007
I understand what it means to finally acknowledge that the main plot of your story is coming to light. It's actually a relief sometimes to see that as writers we didn't divert from the plot.

"There are no secrets among friends." I find that this number one rule is sometimes hard to go by, especially when our best friends can't explain something to us and vice versa.

"It was the plain, straightforward principle that ringed with irony around Tommy’s home for the past few days." Shouldn't it be 'rung'?

Okay, their relationship is strained now, but I think it's more from Tristan's idea that he is doing the right thing by pushing people away.

Why do I get the feeling that him drinking from the fountain is a bad idea. And the lamppost doesn't exactly sound trustworthy. He tricked Tommy into thinking he really needed to drink from the fountain. But since you definitely know where you're taking this, I'll stand down- Not that I was trying to get you to change anything from the start.

"He shielded his eyes as the detective shone a lamp to his face." Lol, that's cinematic. The whole detective thing and mystery at the same time, huh? Or is the detective just being rude? Lol

"“A…chair bit me.” He said, too stressed out to think about what he was saying." LMAO, that didn't come out too right. He actually sounds like he's getting smart with the detective.

Just when things seemed to get a little relaxed between Tommy and Tristan the police come into the picture, and they don't make anything easier.

I'm guessing that the woman in the picture was his 'soul mate', but like I said, I'm guessing, so don't quote me on that.

This was a good and entertaining chapter.

C.S.
Dellarose chapter 13 . 10/16/2007
Chair/Lamppost does not seem trustworthy. Besides stating the obvious, I absolutely love where this is going. It's all so twisted and humorous (although this chapter was a bit more on the serious side).

And, I’m happy to say, imagining a grown man talking to a demented lamppost was the highlight of my past five minutes. Wow, how comical.

New question: It has probably been mentioned a dozen times and I’m just not noticing, but how old are Tristan and Tommy supposed to be?

Anyway, I smell a climax escalating, which might be brought on by the fact that you keep saying “the climax is coming, the climax is coming.” So, you should write more and entertain us.
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