Reviews for Ghost Kiss
hellobutterfly chapter 13 . 5/6/2010
you should definitly make a sequel to this story its really good :)
animeluvr chapter 13 . 6/30/2009
omg u have 2 make a sequal now! im hooked! XD
candyismyluv chapter 12 . 5/29/2009
i hope u can do the sequel i like the story line u already thought of. i can't really think of another one...hm...
I'm-The-Weird-Girl chapter 11 . 3/10/2009
shit she was pregnant?

whoa totally wasn't expecting that!

lols

this is a really cool story

short and to the point!

P
queen-of-armbands chapter 12 . 8/23/2008
how bout.. she has the kid... then ryan comes back alive (but not in the kid, like i think u were thnking), i love the story btw, and i woulda reviewed ealier except i had to request my password...
Estelin chapter 14 . 7/22/2008
this was excellent. keep up the good work and writing. i can not wait for the sequel.

you should keep the idea of jordan having raians child. do something that has to do with creeping out her mother and his father.
Tricked chapter 11 . 3/16/2008
Just finished reading this, and I'd like to make a couple points. I think you have a good concept and a good imagination. However, it's not coming across 100% in what you wrote. I was confused at several points during the story.

So if I could make offer suggestions, it would be to do 2 things:

1. Read your story out loud. Not as your writing it, but after you've finished a good portion (like a chapter). Sometimes the way we write and the way we speak conflict. Just try to make sure you're conveying your idea as clearly as possible at all times. This a good way to check flow, continuity etc.

2. Make sure you're giving the reader all the information they need to put the pieces together. You may know what you mean, or what your characters are supposed to be doing and etc. However the readers don't. So take the time to provide the details. Ask yourself questions about the story/situations that you wanted to convey, and then make sure what you've written actually answers those questions. In other words, put yourself in the shoes of the reader. Pretend you don't know what your story is about.

I hope I made sense lol. I hope I was helpful, and I hope you keep writing. Imagination is key. The craft of writing is something that can be molded as you practice. Good luck!
Ms. Topaz chapter 11 . 3/12/2008
WeWt!

Lol being ur beta is fuun, charlotte!

good times.

see ya at school lemon head.
rocknrosebubbles chapter 1 . 3/9/2008
when is this sequal coming because i really want to read it. i really enjoyed this story and cant wait to read more
Kristen chapter 13 . 3/7/2008
okay, so little girl is pregnant and the daddy's a ghost...

there are three avenues that you can take:

*Raian gets a second chance at life but only if he does something that is momentous. The problem is, how is raian going to prove that he won't try to off himself again?

*Raian gets reicarnated as a hired assassin named Aiden. he is hired by someone anonymous to kill the pregnant Jordan, but for some reason he can't seem to do it. includes soulsearching, nightmares, and the like as he begins to piece together both his life as Raian and the girl who says he's the father.

*Raian finds a way to cheat death and there are people who aren't happy about it. sudennly angry ghosts and creatures of the night come out of nowhere to kill the child a.d bring raian to hell.

*Jordan has the baby only to discover that her child a part of a prophecy that happens when the child turns 5 and is given his/her full power. he/she can then either save or destroy a whole people. with raian only a ghost, he can't do much to protect his family from the dark forces that lust for power.
Monique chapter 14 . 3/5/2008
Just wanted to let you know that I loved your story Ghost Kiss. And yes I think you should do a sequel. You could make it where shes in her last month and when she give birth, Raian could be in the room with her, helping her thru it or sumthing, and then like go off to like a three years later and hes still around, watching the baby grow and making sure there safe...im not to sure!
worldwillfly chapter 14 . 3/4/2008
Yes! Please make another one. You should re-write this one first by fixing some stuff up here and there and then make the other one. I love this story.
ReadWriteLive chapter 1 . 3/4/2008
Interesting plot but you have several easily fixable grammatical mistakes and word choices...

Here are a few examples:

"My mother called with her screaming tone"

Why not just say "My mother yelled at me" or "My mother screamed at me"...it gets the point across the same and with less words.

" hair, Green eyes hiding behind "

don't capitalize "green"

"girl wearing a emerald"

We know that you already told us in the previous sentence...don't repeat it.

"I shouted to insure"

ensure

"The bussed arrived a few minutes later and I entered the bus with a simple greeting to our bus driver, Mr. Aube."

This would sound better as:

"The bus arrived a few minutes after I got to my stop and, as I entered, I gave a simple greeting to the drive, Mr. Aube."

or something similar...

"“What’s up?” My voice was a little scratchy from yelling to my mother.

“Guess what?” She said in her own cheer."

I'd say this as:

"What's up?" I croaked out, my voice still scratchy from yelling at my mother earlier.

"Guess what?" She respond, perkily.

"her crush had almost a Violet yet black hair "

don't capitalize violet..

also, this is better put as:

"her crush had black hair with violet hues..." or something

"more burses on my face. "

bruises

"Luckily I had my best friend to take me to the nurse’s office."

try:

"Luckily, Caitlyn quickly helped me up and we went to the nurse's office." (although why she'd have to go to the nurse for tripping down a few stairs needs to be better explained...perhaps she landed on her wrist and sprained it?)

"Once she left, everything got a little weird. "

How was everything a little weird? You need to expand on this. And why would she miss the whole morning of school?

"across the sealing."

ceiling

" kept on replaying its self. I"

itself, and delete the I at the end there

" I don’t remember any recent deaths either. "

change to:

" I didn't remember any recent deaths of a boy my age."

" He had hazel eyes along with red hair."

change to:

"He had sparkling hazel eyes and flaming red hair." or something else that gives more description.

anyway you also had several commas and other minor things...but the plot is interesting and with some work you could have a great story, hope this helps you!
Silent's Whisper chapter 14 . 3/4/2008
I love this story! Please please please continue with whatever you are planning! I want more! hehe oh and ermm...can you check out my story please? It's my first you so much if you do!
SparkeyGirl chapter 14 . 3/3/2008
i think you should most definately write a sequel. i would offer ideas if i thought they would be helpful. but it certainly think you should write another one.

~*~ SparkeyGirl ~*~
51 | Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »