|Reviews for Little Dreamers|
| Icewall42 chapter 1 . 8/1/2007
First of all, I have to say that the writing flows very well. You made it easy for me to visualize your settings and your chaarcters, and I do appreciate that. I also like the peaceful beginning of your story, as it is quite refreshing. Your dialogue is also smooth in most areas.
I'm curious about how old these characters are. When you say "boy," I imagine a 10-13 year old. However, if this is so, some points in the narration and dialogue don't seem to match the age. A boy of that age probably won't know what a voyeur is, and they tend to use contractions if they are American, and possibly not if they are English, I'm not totally sure about speech rhythms. Just watch for words that a boy of that age might not know, since I sense that the boy is the third person narrator.
Also, even though I like the peaceful beginning of this story, you may want to add some conflict earlier on. It can be some sort of foreshadowing, perhaps some dark, curious details that the boy sees amid all the sun and flowers. I like the danger that you craft later in the story. I'm simply wondering if you can introduce that conflict earlier in the story, or possibly hint at it.
I think you can continue with this story. I'm curious as too what this creature was. I'm hoping it was something really menacing! Anyhow, good luck in writing.