|Reviews for Indian Ants|
| dreamshell chapter 1 . 7/10/2009
Calling him “the fat Athenian” and shortly afterwards referring to him as “Polybius the Fat” is a bit redundant, IMO.
This line is a little garbled; “And it was clear that no Hellenic blade would ever slay the beasts that no dwelt in the monsters surrounding Polybius’s village.” My guess is “no” should be “now” and instead of “monsters,” you meant “mountains.”
I’m not 100% sure, but “drank” sounds more appropriate than “drunk” to me.
Starting both sentences with “It was said…” hits on a pet peeve of mine (redundancy). Ask Jave Harron, he’ll tell you how much I dislike it. XD It’s not so much that I don’t think a certain word or phrase should be used only once in a story/chapter/etc., it’s just that I hate seeing the same word/phrase repeated so soon after it’s first used, unless it’s somehow relevant to the story.
“…and almost the opposite [of?] the civilized Greeks.”
“Well, um, nothing [too] difficult for a man of your talents.”
“They’ll be going to go after our children next.” “Going to go” sounds a bit weird.
“Something came at [him?] from behind…”
“…knocking the Scythian to the floor…” He’s outside, right? “Ground” would be more fitting.
“Higher,” not “hire.”
“…the leg of [the] slain ant…”
The occasional use of present tense, such as “but one who has spent their youth” and “Indian Ants are known” could use reformatting.
“…as they rushed [to] their doom.”
In reference to the the Queen, you say she is both “sitting” and “laying.”
Spartan soldiers? I’m no expert in Greek history or anything, but I thought Spartans and Athenians weren’t exactly chummy… then again, I suppose work is work.
This was still pretty cool. I’d like to see more about the Scythian, or at least some other Greco-Roman-themed stories from you.
| Invalid Account chapter 1 . 4/25/2009
Sure says something towards honesty. I love how you called the Scythian 'the Scythian' all throughout the story. Write more about scythian's, they're cool. Other than my own story yours is the only one about scythians...
| Jave Harron chapter 1 . 12/13/2008
A fun story here! The Indian ants were pretty nasty, and the Scythian's actions at the end are pretty funny.
| Moonpig123 chapter 1 . 9/26/2008
Very enjoyable! I'm not familiar with this particular piece of mythology, but I certainly enjoyed your adaptation. Concise but detailed. The Indian Ants sound truly disgusting, all squiming mandibles and such!
| Georgiana chapter 1 . 9/23/2007
This was really good. Short but concise. The story was very detailed, but you still managed to tell it without elaborating too much.
I think it holds the air of an ancient myth.
You said something in the summary about it having actual historic evidence as far as the written word goes, and the story sure seems accurate!
Nice payback at the end there. I really appreciate the irony of it all:) The moral says something about honesty, right?
This story was somewhat grotesque, but I think it contributes nicely to the mood and the writing style.