Reviews for Sunrise
bringmayflowers chapter 1 . 7/3/2008
Hi! I'm reviewing for the Review Game! Anyway, here goes...

Writing- I thought your piece was beautiful. I really could see the narrator in the scenes you described. Your words flowed nicely together and there was no obnixious use of teenage (or other words used a lot in many stories here on fiction press) lingo.

Spelling- Your spelling overall was good. The only thing I am unsure of is you capitalized T(echnicolored) and I am not sure if it should be lowercased. I'll have to check I suppose...

Enjoyment- I really enjoyed this. It made me smile with the whole idea of sunsets and frown a little with that girl who could have been a friend.

Other- I felt you really captured the idea of what most people feel about sunsets and in their heads what people want and what really happens in reality. I think you have a simple but wonderful way of telling a story.

Keep up the good work!
munchiekins chapter 1 . 9/9/2007
Ahh what a strange feeling this leaves me with. Peaceful, but melancholy. I enjoyed the way you wrote this, the imagery of it all is very beautiful. I especially liekd the line "the sun will peek, just over the horizon like a nervous bride". Great simile.

However, I noticed a few mistakes. If I may? [takes your request for constructive criticism to heart. btw I did read your profile :P]


-"...and no one is quite pay enough attention."/"...and no one is paying quite enough attention."

-"Everyone just waiting"/"Everyone is just waiting"? (I'm not too sure where you're going with this sentence)




I'll watch the sunrise with you! :D & yeah those birds are uber annoying.
mizu no kokoro chapter 1 . 8/12/2007
interesting piece of writing. i like how you take the scenes of nature and applied human sentiments to it. often i would look at some distant scene, and be reminded of well, for the lack of a better word, life. my life to be exact.

good job putting it all into words.

keep writing
Dragonflies chapter 1 . 8/7/2007
I absolutley loved this. The descriptions were rich and vivid and I felt dissapointed with you. Excellent.