Reviews for Shattered, Beaten, and Broken
huh chapter 14 . 1/19/2010
even the ending was horrible.

dear god. you should be glad i'm not your english teacher. i would have failed you.
huh chapter 13 . 1/19/2010
Really?

Was that supposed to be a cliffhanger or something? It was horrible, because it made NO FREAKIN' SENSE! Why the hell would that just come up now?

And also, how the hell did she escape that easily? She couldn't do it for six years.

"A week later Dexterous was apprehended and the human market was ripped into shreds to one day eventually rebuild itself. There were a few years until that."

-What does that even MEAN? Yes, he was apprehended. The human was market was ripped into shreds to one day eventually rebuild itself? Why would you even MENTION that?

Isn't this crappy chapter supposed to happy or something? Obviously, you don't know how to write happy. or well, for that matter.
huh chapter 12 . 1/19/2010
Again, more unbelievable stuff.

If he was smart enough to keep a human trafficking ring going, he wouldn't fall for that.
huh chapter 11 . 1/19/2010
That was so unbelievable. He wouldn't come to do his own dirty work, if he really was the big bad guy.

Your stories get more and more unbelievable and crappy.
huh chapter 8 . 1/19/2010
"I should know a rapist when I see one by now."

-REALLY? Statistically, most rapists don't look like rapists. They look like ordinary people. That is the stupidest thing you could have said.

Like I mentioned the in the review for your other story, you really are dishonoring all the raped people out there.

You would think that for an unpopular geek, you would have time to maybe look up facts before you write goddamn stories based on things that you're stupid little mind came up with.
huh chapter 7 . 1/19/2010
"She even offered me a cookie. I took a bite. They were freshly made and very tasty."

-Seriously? And you seem to think you're a GOOD writer. Look at those three lines. My 5 year old sister writes better then that. That is pathetic. Totally, undeniably, pathetic.
huh chapter 6 . 1/19/2010
"Most people I tried to rekindle contact with had remarked bluntly that they had thought I was dead. This was a confidence builder, as you can see."

-that has NOTHING to do with confidence. they thought she was dead for christ's sake. what are they supposed to do? LIE to her?

and maybe they don't talk to her cause she's fuckin crazy.
huh chapter 5 . 1/19/2010
"So these men were powerful? They could kill me. Ooh, big deal! "

-uh yeah. being dead is a big deal.

take it from someone who's been terminally ill. life is no joke.
huh chapter 4 . 1/19/2010
this is such a boring chapter.

you didn't take us well into the "enemies mind" like you wanted to at all. bad job.
huh chapter 3 . 1/19/2010
i don't even understand how this can be getting worse and worse.

SHE WAS CONTINUOUSLY RAPED FOR SIX YEARS. How the hell is it realistic that she would be okay with getting close to a man so quickly afterwords, and is acting so normal.

This story is like a car crash. you just can't turn away, no matter how horribly terrible it is.
huh chapter 2 . 1/19/2010
It wasn't even apparent that 6 years had passed. You need to make it more clear.

Also, if she tried to escape so many times, they would have shot her to death or knifed her up by now. People in the human trafficking business are the farthest thing from NICE.
huh chapter 1 . 1/19/2010
Yeah...that doesn't just happen. Girls aren't taken off the street in BROAD DAYLIGHT. That would be stupid as hell. People especially don't take people who look like they would be missed.
NeonGolden chapter 14 . 7/4/2008
I like the plot of this story, very exciting and interesting. I think sometimes the plot moves along a bit too quickly. Your characterisation is good, the people all seem very human and real, I like them a lot (or dislike them in some cases ]). I was confused sometimes though, for example in the very first chapter, after the shooting it switched without much warning to the funeral. I think if you went over this and made it a bit more clear, and added in maybe a few more descriptions and details, it would be really, really good, rather than just really good.

Good luck x
Abel Articulate chapter 1 . 3/25/2008
I felt that this story moves at a very interesting pace and it suits the story well so far. To me, it kind of reads like a manga or a comic book. I think that if you found a good artist, you could probably write some scripts or something because you have a good eye for the important details. My only concern is that some aspects of the story are left too vague for my taste. But then again, I myself write way too much and it bogs down a lot of my stories, so if you like the way that you come across, stick to it. All in all, I really liked this first chapter and I'll definitely get back to reading the rest of it! Keep up the good work.
Hoodwynk chapter 14 . 1/6/2008
Nice job on the part about how one can sacrifice oneself, but it is worth it if it saves others. Noble.
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