Jesus fucking christ. this story gets scarier and scarier each chapter. I get the chills reading your story. but that IS a compliment. in a weird, messed-up sort of way. anyways...thank you for providing me with some (intense) entertainment. you BETTER update soon. this story is AMAZING...

bec

OH MY GOODNESS.

Sorry I haven't reviewed in a while. Know that I am reading and enjoying immensely, however. :D This was super brilliant, like all the others, and things are getting better and better! I'm tres excited, for sure. :) This is a riveting story.

Oy vey, what a freaking creep! Great new chapter, even though he wants to kill everyone lol. I think, he needs some therapy. Just a little. haha. Update soon!

Faith

Absolutely amazing. Knew it was brilliant from the first words uttered about chess pieces. You have a nice way utilizing words and stringing them together creating a world that is exactly like a game of chess. Congrats. Also, Update SOON.

-Aiden

absolutely amazing. total adrenaline and hormone rush. excellent job as usual.

I just one thing to say...YOUR STORY IS AWESOME! It keeps you hooked till the end of the chapter and leaves you wanting more. Update soon!

It drew me in the moment I read the summary. I think you did an amazing job at the first chapter and I really can't wait for more. Keep it up!

yea...i would have to agree beyond creepy but definantly hot haha. this is getting good i cant wait for the next update.

I love this story 3

Dark and scary but so cute and glued together to make... something I have never read before.

Great job

Here have a marshmallow cookie *throws*

UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!

for the last few chapters I was wondering where you were going. I think you have done a very good job of revealing things. you also hinted at his past...you must explain that...Is he supernatural? He seems to be...so does the rest of the white team...can't wait for the next update!

ooh everyone is in trouble now. hurry and update please, i'm anxious with... um... what's a good word... umm... anticipation.

Oh, you send tingles up my spine with the ending of the 7th chapter. I'm so captivated by this story, very unique and haunting. It gives off the same flare you find yourself feeling while reading The Phantom of The Opera, spooky, chilling and enchanting.

Now, as a completely constructive critic I must point out some things. 1)In chapter four, Val mentions how the game is being played for her "ownership" or "rights". Yet, despite your summary of the story, there is no mentioning in any of these chapters of the game's prize being that. (not counting when Val mentions/thinks on it randomly to herself) So, you need to erase that part or explain in the earlier chapters or create a reason for her knowledge of this while the readers are in the dark. 2) In chapter five when val's in the hidden room thing, she gets to the door (led by GM) and declares "You almost killed us." I've read the area like five times, but somehow I missed the part where you said what could have killed them. Maybe this was just something like "you could have killed me" but in the super freaked out and not thinking way Val was probably feeling. So, you should either put something to be killed by (or to be scared by) or have her be ashamed/blush at her own remark. Even cutting the sentence with a different one could serve an equal purpose.

I only have two mistakes, mainly in plot line. I wasn't searching for grammatical and I typically spot spelling, so nice job. Keep it up, the flow of words comes almost like Edgar Allan Poe, yet keeps its focus on mystery and creepy rather than "horror" and "graphics." I rarely give such high applause for writers, but I am shocked that this was written so well and that the plot (so far) has been astoundingly fresh and new (as in never before done).

I'll be reading..

- Selfish, Tainted -

I owe someone a review for chapter seven! :D Y'know, I actually just wrote a poem that put me in a better mood so I feel that nows the time to go on my rounds before despondency kicks in.

My mother said it's because I'm becoming a young lady. I said it's because of the news and whats become of the world. She said that maybe I should watch Cartoon Network from now on. I said, CN is alright but I like watching Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!

EPIC PWNAGE! xDD

[Val ran through the hallways, searching for the door that would lead her to her boyfriend. Despite GM's interference, she felt more motivated to find James because of the guilt that weighed heavily upon her heart. GM was attractive, she had to admit.] Uh oh, (well at least she's being honest instead of in denial like those characters who have an argument with themselves. Crepy o_o)

[And part of her didn't mind his forwardness.

Which scared her.] It would scare me too ... but not that much, because GM is just ... wow, psychopathic wow but wow.

[Val almost didn't notice when her foot came down on a loose floorboard and it squeaked. It wasn't a quiet shudder but a loud SQUEAK!

Oh ... shit.] And that ladies and gentlemen is the phrase when your royally screwed.

[The conversation in the other room had completely stopped. "Did you hear something?"

"Yeah. Looks like we've got ourselves an eavesdropper that manahed to cross enemy lines," Jason said, with a laugh. "Guess the black team finally noticed we were missing."

"What should we do?" Charlie asked, sounding amused and annoyed.

"Let's catch them."

Oh god] I don't know, but somehow Jason said, with a laugh "Guess the black team finally noticed we were missing." doesn't sound right to me, it just doesn't. Since they're not dead, I guess it should be 'Guess the black team finally noticed that were missing.' or something like that. Er, sorry just a habit of mines sometimes.

[This time, she'd take no chances. Something told her that she really didn't want to get caught.] I wouldn't want to get caught either, well not by Jason or Charlie - because Charlie just seems like someone I wouldn't click with, and Jason - I can't pass verdict on someone whom not much information is given on (although the conversation does give us implications, I think.)

[ I don't love Valerian.

No! James groaned slightly. Why had he said that? Why? If he could take it back, in that moment, he would have given anything to erase those words from the surface of the world forever.] James said it because it's probably TRUE!(Gasp)

[That's quite a lot for someone you claim not to love. Do you think you own her?"

"Do you?"] Shut up James!

["Own her," GM repeated. "No ... I don't think so ..."

The thoughtfulness in GM's voice as he considered the matter - seriously - worried James. It worried him very much. He cleared his throat, trying to rid himself of the dryness.] I laughed at this, the image of GM seriously thinking about ways to capture Valerian or having her on a leash just made me laugh because ... he's just that kind of guy who would take a remark so seriously.

["You said you'd untie me if I answered your questions."

"I never said that. I said that all I wanted were answers, which I've got now. I promised you nothing."] Hmm, negotiate first James. -.-;;

["Val's been gone a lone time," Lisa said, getting up from the chair. "So has James, GM, and the rest of the white team. God, this is so boring. I thought we were going to have a party."

And if I'd known I was going to be running around this dirty place, I never would have worn my nice skirt.] Lisa may mean well, but vain much?

[She sighed. Oh well, at least she looked good. Not that there was anyone around to appreciate it. Those two boys on the white team were creeps, GM was a distracted creep (and besides, that Charlie horse already seemed to have her talons in him), James was taken, and Blake was ... well, Blake.

Lisa liked him a lot, but he just wasn't her type. Aside from being socially oblivious, he knew nothing of pop culture. To him, Pink Floyd and Lynyrd Skynyrd were still the newest and the grooviest. He though hyphy was a kind of drug, for God's sake.

There were definitely a few things or two wrong with Blake.] I would think that hyphy was a drug too, Yadadamean. And what's wrong with Lynyrd Skynyrd and Pink Floyd?

["That's okay," Lisa said, quickly. "We're looking for our friends, right now. So we'll just be going ..."

The black-haired boy swiftly blocked her exit with one graceful motion. She looked up disbelievingly, feeling a small twinge of unease. His smile was like poison. "Oh, but I insist."]

Uh-oh. Whenever someone says, "Oh, but I insist." then you know that means something awful.

Well, time to put this review to rest. Anyways, I was contemplating whether to change my penname or what? Hmm, I wonder but ... ehh, I can't be bothered. Too lazy.

Oh, and I went as a overgrown Tiger for halloween. YAY! PPS - I know this is late and all, but Happy belated Thanksgiving!

- Tainted Selfish -

Oh...this GM dude is creepy. Very creepy indeed. Love the story so far.

Argh! Thank you for updating, subtle cliffhangers galore, indeed.