Reviews for Hate at First Sight
Tawny Owl chapter 1 . 7/8/2010
I like the way you drop us straight in to the action, but all the information about Ashley is a bit of a head full on the back of the text book stuff. Maybe split the sentence up and juts mention they’re dorm mates? The fact that they’re friends too should become apparent in the way they talk to each other.

before I would have been left knowing more about this boy than I needed. – Ha!

memorable memory – a bit repetitive. Try something like horrific, embarrassing. Something with more impact. Of course it’d be memorable.

I like Tamara’s almost chaotic presence. It’s like she’s on the verge of falling over, or laddering her tights. The description of Mrs Gerby was really good too. I enjoyed the way you described her through Tamara’s comparison to herself. Although she’s going to a lot of effort to pick up a boy in biology just cos he’s got blue eyes. Shouldn’t she be paying attention too? Although the late night party and lack of reading makes it all fit, but maybe build on it to show why he’s her priority?

"I'm Tom," he replied brusquely with disinterest, - this sounds a bit odd in my head. I think because if he was replying brusquely than his disinterest would be obvious, and the action of turning away illustrates this so I don’t really think you need to state it as well.

Nice twist though – originally I thought that blue eyes was shower boy. I clearly wasn’t paying attention. Or maybe I was just paying attention to the abs and didn’t make it up as far as the eyes? Actually that was a good image because it showed the height difference, and it gave a really feeling of abruptness, or shock almost. It was like ‘bang, there they are.’

I love the exchange between them. Although I think given the fact that it gets her into detention you need to follow through with some outrageous action. Like how does she say it, does she spin round in her chair, does she fall off her chair, does she try to hit him and miss? There’s a huge potential here for some comic action, and I think you really need it to be obvious that Mrs Gerby couldn’t fail to notice the disruption.

Yes, fun to read. Thank you
sophiesix chapter 2 . 2/18/2010
Dastardly bastard!

Still, its good for teh plot ;)

speaking of which, hows ch 3 coming alonmg? I know i can't speak, my ch 4 being in eternal limbo, but hey, a chapter three is defintaely a must!

coupla typos:

“And your coming as a double date, so hurry up and get ready.” you're?

“Needless to say I excused myself to the bathroom and escaped out the window.” Lol! perfect fluidity and comedic timing. yeah, no, no typos.

“She shook her head at me: stray “ at the beginning there

more please!
sophiesix chapter 1 . 2/18/2010
oh, hunk -er jerk is funny! I love how he *looks* before telling her about his ego size XD Awesome characterisation nicely shown through a strong narrative voice and great dialogue. "wouldn't you?" love that bit.

It also made me laugh because I have a Tamara character too, only she is so different from this one, so its funny imagining her do this sort of stuff ;)

Enticing ending, engaging middle, strong begining: Great start overall!
xXliarliarXx chapter 2 . 2/15/2010
I like your story. Update soon! :) You should check out my romance/supernatural story When The Sun Goes Down.
Narq chapter 1 . 1/17/2010
I think this was really good and I'm interested to read more~

not right now, though. I need to work, which is sad :(

But anyways, nice and I loved the humour!
Ski-Crazy11 chapter 2 . 12/7/2009
HA!

This story makes me laugh. I love it.
Ski-Crazy11 chapter 1 . 12/7/2009
I it like!
alias h. anonymous chapter 2 . 9/8/2008
You're almost coming up on a year since your last update? I believe that anniversary calls for Chapter Three! It's unfortunate this story isn't continued - I absolutely loved how you started the first chapter; thrust us right into the story without tending to all the details first. I love those kind of beginnings.

And Tamara's smart mouth, especially on the "date". Phew - hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, no? Your dialogue is witty, straightforward, and moves the story along very smoothly.

Pick it up, won't you?

Or, maybe start a new one? ;)
pandorka42 chapter 2 . 4/5/2008
I like her character, but the double date scene was too predictable. I think there should be more... elements of surprise.
pandorka42 chapter 1 . 4/4/2008
Oh man, I just laughed my way through this chapter! Good job. :)
PerfectChaos859 chapter 2 . 11/20/2007
i love this story it is so funny! i cant wait for an update!
Holiday in Spain chapter 2 . 11/20/2007
aw. i like it. .
Keenon chapter 2 . 11/20/2007
so far so good, keep going, i'm looking forward for the next 1
Lyra Waterflame chapter 2 . 11/20/2007
mwahehehehehe... I can see this is going to be good. Please write more soon?
TwinkleHeart chapter 1 . 8/17/2007
interesting...this is going on my favourite list...i wanna see what happens next D
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