|Reviews for Blue Moon: The End of Days|
| henred5 chapter 6 . 3/18/2008
An amazingly long and interesting chapter, you can just se how your ability with fighting scenes has improved greatly. It looks/reads fantastically! Well done.
| henred5 chapter 5 . 3/10/2008
A very comedy type of fantasy adventure...*nods*
| henred5 chapter 4 . 2/27/2008
At the moment the whole 'sweat drop' seems quite manga/animeish to me. You could say her cheeks turn red with embarrassment or she grits her teeth or something like that instead.
Other then that its an interesting chapter...with an appearance of vampires...strange but well done.
| henred5 chapter 3 . 2/18/2008
I know its meant to be short...but aw...I want it to last forever! :}
Anyway well done here, an interesting chapter a usual. I love the originality you have given to the spells too.
| henred5 chapter 2 . 2/18/2008
Very interesting chapter, a few bits here and there that can be improved, but other then that nice work here, I love the daft bits where Kane is just a tad bit slow...lols.
| robertrehcra chapter 7 . 12/20/2007
Chapter 6 & 7
Well i read six right after u wrote it but decided to skip the review because i had nothing to say and you had that review from someone else i didn't want to trump.
7 has a lot less errors in it. I am especially starting to like Kane's action scenes.
errors- you wrote "a brow" instead of "eye brow" but I don't remember where or if it was an error or just me miss reading.
Although the story seems to be getting less interesting to me your writing is getting smother and i do plan on continuing to read the next few chapters.
Note- need to work on the start of chapters it was hard for me to start reading 7
| henred5 chapter 1 . 9/8/2007
I loved the appearance of that 'trying to be heroic but just being annoying' character
"she felt was smarter" Typo I'm guessing, I guess we all do them. Should there be an 'it' between felt and was
"Soon after, around four slime monsters jumped out of the forest and positioned themselves around her."
Instead of soon after, use something else, like 'minutes passed by.' Maybe suggest a whirl of wind encourages the creatures to surround her. Describe the position?
Other then that it was very interesting. I shall be reading more tomorrow me thinks. :XD
| robertrehcra chapter 5 . 8/27/2007
Poor Kane, nobody cares. Vampires Warewolves oh my.
You did a good job pulling it all together.
"Would you mind sharing with the class?" Kane said
It felt out of place, but I liked it so I don't know why I am bringing it up.
Kane seemed to nod understandingly as he took another bite out of the bird leg he had in his hand.
You should remove he had
But honestly it's good already
I hope you are still writing and going to update it soon. But if not I'll just have to wait for your next fantasy story.
PS Keep Writing Keep Reviewing
| robertrehcra chapter 3 . 8/24/2007
Wow Chapter 3 Was best so far.
I was to engaged with the story to notice errors.
"The blast flew high into the air toward the moon, then the mood began to glow as"
Mood should be moon, I think
PS Keep Writing Keep Reviewing
| robertrehcra chapter 2 . 8/23/2007
Wow, you really are moving the story forward. You already introduced a villain and showed a sky full of dragons. I would of liked to see the dragons eat the guards up after "Demon Thunder". Good job explaining the Dragons immunity to magic.
"Raiko continued to stare at him with her usual emotionless expression." Where as I understand what your trying to say, I just don't think it fits. You might want to take out "her usual" here. It might be true but it seems to close to when she Yells at Kane to "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" It could be the cap locks but I don't picture her face the least bit lack of Emotion. I'm not saying take it out of the rest of the text just here.
OK as you can probably tell I have no major complaints for chapter 2. I did feel the first chapter was a little better but this one had less errors.
I'll be really busy so it might be a while before I review the rest of Blue Moon. But I plan to,
PS Keep Writing, Keep Reviewing
| robertrehcra chapter 1 . 8/22/2007
Wow, a good story for your first.
Simple,sorceress and oaf of a knight, but well done.
Maybe a little to comedic but its good contrast to her back story. So you could in fact go a little gloomier if you wanted.
Now my complaints:
"The local guards are also fighting them while trying to get the town’s people to safety"
This drew me out of the story. I would like to see you maybe change the line into another paragraph, and maybe make it more of a description than a set fact.
And Kane bought a room? With what?
Raiko "got plenty of gold from slimes"? How?
I'll try and review the next chapter tomorrow