Isn't it unhealthy to do that when you're naked?

MART SUE ALERT! There is no originality for the characters and how can a newborn baby look like its mother? Anyway, how can a child look like their mother only; sorry, but as much as any rape victim doesn't want a reminder of their rapist, it's more than likely they'll have some obvious feature from them. It's just facts. That's the main thing I noticed.

My real name is Elise...

This was not cheesy, it was downright pathetic and so unoriginal. What about the baby she had with Jack? Was it a boy or a girl? This fiction gave me a really negative view from you.

This story is terrible and you really lack descripion how each and every character looks. The personalities, they really didn't have any personality at all. None of them.

This character, Elise, she is a Mary Sue, nuff said.

My feedback is that you should fix spelling and grammar errors. Also, think about how the story goes instead of rushing it.

I hated this story btw.

BIAS! BIAS! TOO BIAS AND MARY SUE ALERT!

The baby only has the looks of its mother! And NOT the father? Very bias!

And besides, babies NEVER look like their parents until they mature. FYI, when my mom was having the baby, she wasn't like screaming saying that the pain hurts. You have been watching too many movies and TV shows.

Have you ever seem a woman have a baby? No, I think you havent.

Too short...

Really messed up! Melissa is not the daughter of Jack! Didn't it say in the 5th chapter they are his daughters? You really had to think this out before you posted it in the website.

Then they have sex when she is pregnant? That is bad for the baby. If Johnny really loved Elise, then why would he go out with other girls? I always wondered that.

Was Jack in the school! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

This story is getting more and more worse.

Just saying sorry won't cut it. Supposedly, she was treated really bad by her mother. Then her mom suddenly says sorry and your sue easily believes her.

This story is funny.

_

This is so bad.

She should say let us go home. because the house isn't really hers to begin with.

Why didn't she call the police instead of Johnny?

If I were her ( and thankfully I am not) I would call the police and not Johnny.

And way to go in making her life more dramatic. The readers are so going to feel sorry for her (sarcastic.)

Too short.

Why would Johnny still let Elise have the Cellphone?

You are making everything too, too easy for your sue.

THE. RAPE. SCENE. SUCKED.

Sigh, I wish you would have typed that he moved to where Elise is now.

Then again. This shows your character isn't so smart. Seriously, would you move to a place and live with a person that raped you?

You are a really odd author. (in a very uncreative way.)

Random, Random, and RANDOM.

So basically her stepsister's father is Jack (the second step father as you like to call him.) But why do they live with Elise's mom and third step father?

That is messed up.

And this chapter was too rushed like the others, too.

Wow, I have no pity for this character. You are REALLY pushing the limit how you are portraying this character.

Question: How the buck is she able to go to school if her mom like forced her to drop out. And I just know it is complicated for a runaway youth like her to change to another school so fast; and the fact once a drop out drops out of school, it is really hard to get back in. Unless she is now the adopted to Johnny's and Natalie's parents.

But we are not sure of that.

What about some Criticism? Because I think that is good, too. Then again, it is ALMOST like advie.

Now, How the buck can Elise say she is all ugly, but Johnny's sister says she is pretty with a good personality?

By the way, use gorgeous or pretty. The two words have the same meaning.

Also, her personality isn't that great. It sucks. She sounds almost desperate to Johnny and all. I also find it pretty amusing that she is so pathetic to easily believe Johnny's sister's words. Even his sister seems pretty stupid. Unless Johnny told his sister about his crush with Elise.

But you didn't add a lot of detail now.

One more thing. I hardly even know how she even looks. The same with the other characters. Is Elise short? Skinny? What is her skin, eye, and hair color? etc.

Need to be specific.