Reviews for The Games Grown Folks Play
NoAccount-Deleted chapter 1 . 1/11/2010
I enjoyed reading this chapter. It is a delightful story as drama goes. Love the style of writing! :) You [whichever co-author wrote this chapter] could work on the puncutation-commas, caps, and all that. But, aside from the punctuation errors, the formatting is good and the spelling is excellent. Great dialog! Overall, I give [you all] a 4.5 star rating, 5 being the highest. Judging from this chapter, I think the story would make a great novel. I am looking forward to the subsequent chapters. I wouldn't be surprised if [you all] received cudos from Tyler Perry if we got wind of your works. Well done!

P.S. Will [you] take a peek at my post, "Jump to It"? I just posted it today; it may or may not be there yet. I'm a "newbie". :)
Seigetsu Ren chapter 1 . 1/28/2008
Coauthoring is always fun! I'm looking forward to reading the other two write as well. Either way, back to reviewing this chapter. I like how your writing is down to the point as well as the fact that you use the first person POV to your advantage in using the narration as a way of developing the main character. Good job on that! I also like how this is not another one of those highschool romance stories which I've really gotten enough of. You have a unique idea. I hope you would develop it well!

I have one minor thing to mention, and it is about your tenses. Honestly, I find present tense stories to be quite unnatural, because most readers are used to reading about things that have already passed. Writing in present tense makes it seem like the narrator is talking to herself as she is doing...many things. Even if you choose to continue using this tense, you would have to watch out for tense switches. Occasionally, you just switch the tense for no apparent reason. For instance:

'My thoughts were interrupted when...'

This would have to be "are interrupted' instead if you are to keep your tense constant. I can see how when you are talking about what has passed, it would be my past tense, but for everything else, keep it constant if you are going to use present tense. Also, since you 'main tense' is present, when dealing with the past, you would only use past tense, not past perfect. That is, you don't need to say 'had been' for things like 'pushing around the plate', instead it would just be 'was pushing around the plate'

Hope that helps! Keep up the good work!
Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 10/28/2007
Good beginning. It looks like this is going to be original-especially with three different authors co-writing. Nice job.

Good luck.

Have a wonderful day.

~Twilight Starr~
Areya Branxton-Chase chapter 1 . 9/11/2007
Well well well ladies. I definitely would like to know more. I'm intrigued. You have had a few grammaticals here and there, just quotation marks where the person isn't speaking. It's okay, it's a mistake that I've over and over and someone has to point them out to me too. No worries though, I want you to continue. Continue! Continue! Continue!

Love and a blessing

A. Toneya
Honey Beddell chapter 1 . 8/28/2007
I'm interested in how the story will develop, and how easy it'll be for all three of you to write one story! (I had to do that once for a creative writing class (four of us working on one story) and man was it hard ... and a pain. lol.)

Anyway ... with this chapter, the writing is a little bit choppy. Conversation is good, but I don't feel I really have gotten a good introduction to Jupiter and life. Yeah, I'm given general narrative of information, but ... nothing that really makes me latch on and feel excited about getting to know her (if that made sense).

Also ... once Jasmine comes into the picture and the whole party and stuff ... it seems rushed and I'm unsure of what the purpose of this chapter is. What's the party for? Who all is really there?

Overall, I'm left with questions and feeling a bit unsatisfied.

Keep writing! And good luck to you guys as you write together.
killaccount chapter 1 . 8/22/2007
Hiya! Thought I'd spread the review love. Nice story you've got going here. I was a bit put off in the beginning because it was present tense and usually authors that write in that tense tend to go all over the place, but you kept it together, which impressed me. There weren't any random tense changes, though there were a few grammar/spelling mistakes littered about.

You write with a nice flow, and the change from one scene to another is well thought out. I'm liking the characters and plot (though I'm hoping to see more of it next chapter!). The only thing that irritated me was the name Jupiter, but like another reviewer said, I suspect I'll get used to it.

Good work and keep writing,

-Bleep

(Psst! I think it's great that you guys are doing a cowrite. I'm anxious to see how it'll turn out!)
Taylary Daisuke chapter 1 . 8/21/2007
Nice start but I can't wait for the plot to thicken. I liked all the names but Jupiter? It'll grow on me. Successful marriage corrupted by 24/7 jobs. I've seen it happen (mostly in the movies since I'm still under 20 and so I'm not close to working on the job of my life but whatever).

Hope you update soon.
Catcher in the Rye chapter 1 . 8/21/2007
I love this. At first I had a problem with your sentences because they all seemed simple to me. As I read on though, I realized that was just your writing style and more and more it became more appealing to me. Everything is said perfectly without a whole bunch of useless words that don't benefit the story. I love this and I hope you update soon! )