Reviews for Down Fighting
AmorphousHeart chapter 1 . 8/29/2007
Your imagery is amazing, as well as your word choice. It creates a vivid scenery for your poem. Very nice job!
xfail chapter 1 . 8/28/2007
Great job. It seems to me that you simply cannot fail to come out with a touching poem every time.
Marie Ellen chapter 1 . 8/27/2007
Gorgeous! Really well-done, I loved this poem!

I'd suggest a tightening up of the language-especially in the second stanza. "where" and "that" sound awkward and slow the poem down. For example, it could be "I fall through a slow-motion forever-winter sky" and "I fall through a jar of honey, caught and numbed." More interesting adjectives and powerful verbs to liven the poem up.

It's beautiful, though-I especially love the image of her looking up into a camera flash instead of a face . . . an intimate moment that is somehow mechanized and made less romantic. You begin with the image of "going down," and the rest of the poem indeed has you "falling." But you aren't fighting . . . I find that fascinating, but I'm not sure yet what to make of it.

Great work!