|Reviews for Unusual Dawn|
| Blablabluebell chapter 9 . 12/5/2011
I started reading this story and I thought hey, a little rushed, but not bad. It's an interesting story, with a male lead that's not a macho by any means. Then, around chapter 8-9, I could NOT go on, I'm sorry.
Rape is an extremely serious issue, and I loathe to see people treat it as something the girl has to suffer and the men have to avenge beating up the culprit. RAPISTS MUST BE REPORTED, AND BROUGHT TO TRIAL, AND THE WOMAN SHOULD BE THE ONE TO DO IT. There's way too much silence and shame around the issue. I know this is just a story, but what kind of example does it set if the girl just accepts it, and eventually just lets the men handle the situation, cavemen style? I feel like this story justifies the shame women feel, as if it was their fault, and well, it's not. And consuellors and teachers should not be the only ones to say it.
I'm sad that you even made Ben say he could do nothing about it legally. They have Rox's evindence, they have the tape, they have friggin DNA, a threat note even!
Please, don't think of this as a flame, and don't brush it aside as a freak's delirious review. You did ask for constructive criticism, didn't you?
| Wanderingreader chapter 15 . 6/14/2011
I have to agree with what "huh" wrote on her review.
Work on your story please
| EmptySh3ll chapter 5 . 12/11/2010
I think you meant "his daughter had been violated"
loved ben's POV by the way
| huh chapter 15 . 1/19/2010
No offense, but this was one of the worst stories I have ever read on this website.
For one, it was totally unbelievable. The entire rape thing was so not possible, and just too far-fetched and crazy. Frankly, it made you sound stupid. Have you EVER talked to a rape victim? Or know ANYTHING about one? You totally made a mockery of them in this story by not getting your facts straight.
Roxy's parents WOULD HAVE PRESSED CHARGES if they really were good parents. Only idiots wouldn't. All the mistakes and errors you made on that topic just pisses me off, to be frank. Don't write about something you have no clue about.
Also, you never really developed Roxy's and Ben's relationship well enough. Cardboard has more chemistry then them.
On top of that, you never get into Roxy's "other" secrets. You make them sound so big and ominous in the beginning, but then they never show up. Plot holes like that are huge, and take even more away from the story.
Alec and Alan were also such horribly developed characters. Seriously. Do you think the world is a soap opera?
All in all, i found this pretty bad. I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but I already sugar coated this review. The story really was not well developed, had major plot holes, and no character development.
I would give it a 1 star out of 10. The only reason I would not consider this to be a 0 is that your grammar was actually quite good through out the entire "story", story being a flexible term in this case.
Work on your writing. I'm curious to see what else you've written, but to be honest, my expectations aren't that high.
| BattyBigSister chapter 15 . 8/25/2009
Awesome story. Really loved it. I mean to be honest, I remember thinking that the way Roxy spilled her guts to Ben about the (first) rape thing a tad fast - one would think she might have waited at least a day or two before telling him, considering they'd hardly had a real conversation at that point. Other than that though it was brilliant. Really engaging and dead sweet. Beautiful!
| I Murder on Impulse chapter 15 . 4/27/2009
Hahaha this story is so cute!
| Spanish girl chapter 8 . 1/12/2009
Hi! I'm Spanish and I like your story, really, I like it, it's just.. why do you make your characters speak spanish if you obviously don't know the leanguage? It's obvious you just translated the sentences from english and not exactly correct. If you want to write seriously you should try to take everything seriously.
Sorry if I sound rude, I'm trying not to, It's just difficult to express my opinion in english.
But anyway, nice story. Just trying to give you some advice for the next time or if you want to correct this one.
| Xara Nahara O'Connor chapter 15 . 8/9/2008
Wow! I loved the story in general. It was totally worth my time to read. Thank you very much for being such an excellent writer. You and I get along great because we are both excellent writers (on my behalf, according to my mother).
| Xara Nahara O'Connor chapter 12 . 8/9/2008
Cute. Cute. Cute.
| Xara Nahara O'Connor chapter 11 . 8/9/2008
This story keeps getting more and more entertaining.
| Xara Nahara O'Connor chapter 10 . 8/9/2008
Not such a platonic relationship between Ben and Roxanne, is it?
| Xara Nahara O'Connor chapter 9 . 8/9/2008
Great characterization. I loved how you portrayed a rape victim going through her memories again and acting them out. Roxy, were she a real character, would have acted in the same way if she raped in real life. Excellent job. I hope that I explained myself in the way that you would understand.
| Xara Nahara O'Connor chapter 8 . 8/9/2008
Finally, Ben develops a backbone. I love this chapter.
| Xara Nahara O'Connor chapter 7 . 8/9/2008
Poor Roxanne... what had she gotten herself into?
| Xara Nahara O'Connor chapter 6 . 8/9/2008
I know some Spanish as well, dear. And "Mis dios!" should be "Dios Mio (accent over the "o")". "Dios" means God, and "mio" means my. The Mio should go after the dios because the posessive in Spanish generally goes after the noun in an interjection. I understood what you meant, but I just wanted to clarify that for you. Other than that, I wanted to congratulate you on another chapter well done. Your stories are very quick and easy to read. I love it... the only thing that I am disturbed about is the fact that Ben didn't really love her. He wasn't her perfect guy after all. Then again, I figured something like that would happen. It's an intellectual-emotional disconnect for me.