|Reviews for Bullying and Bulimia|
| Hoodwynk chapter 11 . 6/19/2008
C'est adorable. I won't pretend that I don't love the Danny/Iris coupling, with the possibility of a little Pearl, but considering other couples relationships might not be too bad of an idea; ie. Are Andrea and Ryan good for each other, or do they encourage and bring out the worst in each other. Ohh! And I liked the frog protest. No killing animals.
| Sir Scott chapter 12 . 5/14/2008
Good update. A little anti-climax, but you managed a cliffhanger.
| SJ chapter 12 . 5/14/2008
andreas kinda funy
i mena does she know hes properly dead
to jsut suggest to move his body
| GrannyP chapter 12 . 5/13/2008
You are rolling out the chapters now! Welcome back after your time AWOL (or something close to it).
I thought this chapter was very interesting just because of the little twist there near the end with Andrea. I really didn't see that one coming.
| Sir Scott chapter 11 . 4/19/2008
Good chapter. The love triangle between Pearl, Danny, and Iris was intriguing and quite a turn of events.
| C. Welsford chapter 11 . 3/30/2008
Pearl and Iris? Didn't see that one coming at all. Great chapter, update soon.
| GrannyP chapter 11 . 3/30/2008
I think that calling Iris "easy" is kind of clever. She does just tend to go along with whatever is presented to her, even if it's not what she wants.
So I love the dialogue of this chapter. It really portrays the characters, I think. Nice job.
| Sir Scott chapter 10 . 3/21/2008
It's good to see Raven and Raiden back in the story. Life would be a lot easier if everybody just liked the person that liked them. Pearl seems to have a lot of issues with men.
| Sir Scott chapter 9 . 3/21/2008
I agree with Dalton that life doesn't ever get any easier. One year is quite awhile to be on fictionpress, I've been on it for four years now. I don't think there's going to be a happy ending in this one, but I could be wrong.
| Hed in the Cloudz chapter 6 . 3/8/2008
Ah, I lose. Had to keep reading, or my mind would be enslaved to guessing what would happen next all day.
I absolutely adore the fact that you've given Andrea a personality! Hesitation is always good, and reasons for her actions are even better.
I'm kind of wondering how Andrea got away without a flower name. Dahlia and Iris- they sound like they should be the bestest of friends, not relatives who can't stand each other! So nice contradiction, I think.
And poor girl! I thought it odd that the mother had no job, and now it's doubly so- Dahlia should be begging, not threatening! Jerk. (Not you, her :D) But i thought that she was headed for the hospital- or did I misread?
You forgot a space in the words "supposedlyleft," by the way.
Your characters interact very well in this scene. The changes in topics, the fooling around- great! On the other hand, though, Pearl isn't very open minded- she should have seen the signs that Web would help, shouldn't she?
This other side of Web is a bit unsettling and out of place. Why has he just brought this up, and why is he so emotional about it? And what does he think that he'll tell the Coach- "Danny's been making fri-ends!" It makes me curious, though, so it isn't all bad.
May I repeat, your improvements are stunning. This whole chapter was wonderful!
| Hed in the Cloudz chapter 5 . 3/8/2008
Hello, again! So this time I shall try to actually take what you said on your profile to heart and give you a useful review. By the way, YOU HAVE A BETA! This is cause for much joy in my mind.
So, little things that she must have missed:
"Well, being away form home and at college made me realize I wasn't that jock stereotype that I tired to fill all through high school." (away FROM home, I TRIED to fit), "The Maniac that goes into people's houses and kills them" (Maniac WHO goes- by the way, am I sensing the potential for a serial killer character? Is it *gasp* Andrea?) ""Darn. I was in the mood to stab someone." Pearl said, disappointed." (not really a grammar issue, but the use of 'disappointed' is a bit redundant, with the line, and implies that Pearl actually does have homicidal tendencies. Speaking of Pearl, I'm assuming that she wanted to stab Web for more reasons than one, if he's as homophobic as you say) "Raiden stated." (all of your characters seem to be stating things, and this isn't usually the most teenager-esque way of speaking- in statements all the time, I mean) "because she she'd had a crush" (you use 'she' twice), "I knew that little girl was going to be gorgeous when she grew up, exceptshe is a little too skinny." ('Exceptshe' should be two words; I do like how this ties into the title, though, and how it's the second time that Web's implied that he'll be joining their group of revenge getters.) "He picked her up bridal style" (he does that a lot, doesn't he? Second time in two chapters)
Positive quotes (meaning, I guess, things that I liked in particular):
"Pearl asked nonchalantly as she picked up a fork and started to examine it." (this is a nice character-building, amusing little sentence that makes the story seem more real. I love it!)
"As soon as Iris laid eyes on her mother and half-sister, she said her last prayers. She knew this encounter wasn't going to go well." (lovely cliffhanger- almost a sidenote, and plenty intriguing. Now I'm incredibly excited to read more!)
Anywho, I was right when I predicted that you get better with every chapter. Most of your characters have reasons behind their actions now, and your writing style is greatly improving, yet you haven't dropped the melodrama yet. I have to hold myself back from reading more right now, but now I'll definitely have to be back!
| Hed in the Cloudz chapter 4 . 3/8/2008
Yet another exciting chapter...
Have I mentioned that I don't quite understand Iris' 'transformation'? People have to know that she's Andrea's sister, and Raven can't be the most observative person in the school! From your description of Iris' past, I don't see how people can think that she's the 'school slut.' But I have to admit, you do a good job of describing how she's shunned!
Wow, Andrea really is 'evil'! I don't quite understand how she gets away with such gratuitous violence and so many threats. I want to know why!
The lesbian thing is a bit out of place, unless it's going to come into play later. Is Andrea one as well, perhaps? But either way, for a girl who's supposed to be so 'ice queen' and encouraging to her shy friend, why does Pearl rush out crying? I mean, what does it matter?
Oh, and now a reason for Ryan's punishment! That's nice. And wow, conniving Iris! That sounds like a lot of 'if's in the plan, but it worked, so I guess that it's all good! But punishment is always good for humor.
I would think that most modeling contracts would allow for psychiatric help, just due to the rigors of the job. If she was committed, then she'd lose the contract, but otherwise they can't deny her counseling. She could sue, and then all of their problems would be solved! :)
Again, I hope that I'm helpful. I noticed that you always leave very specific review requests at the bottom of the stories- please forgive me if my reviews don't fit your qualifications! I try to review in the way that I'd like to be reviewed, so please just understand that I am enjoying this, I just abhor it when people leave vapid reviews for multi-chapter stories, and don't want to be one of those people.
| Hed in the Cloudz chapter 3 . 3/8/2008
Hello again! I was quite surprised to find out that Andrea is still high school aged, but I guess that I just don't read well enough! The little escape is sweet, and I think that I like Danny. This chapter is a bit better with spelling and grammar, but you should NEVER put novel text in bold. Italicize or un-italicize it, instead!
Who do I think that Iris'll end up with? Danny, if you're going to be cliched and happily ever after, or Ryan, if you have a twist. Or no one- that could be fun. :)
| Hed in the Cloudz chapter 2 . 3/8/2008
This chapter is even better than the first! You seem to be one of those authors who gets progressively better with each reading, which is great- always something to look forward to! The drama continues, and I love it! The spies, the crushes, the angry parents and boyfriends- all so high school! I think that this would be more impressive, though, if you reread it ahead of time to check for little errors, because things like mispellings and fragments do take away from the readability of a story. Besides that, my only other complaint is that characters seem to have drastic personalities- either no reasons behind their actions, or every reason is expounded upon. It may help if you focus on just one character- give me Iris' view on everything, or Danny's, or such, instead of everyone's!
Again, I look forward to reading more!
| Hed in the Cloudz chapter 1 . 3/8/2008
I like this story even more than the one about the blind girl! It has a few great lines, as mentioned below, and promises to be oh-so-melodramatic and hilarious- all in all a satisfying read, I suspect. And, of course, I'm excited by the thought of a story that ends every chapter with song lyrics.
"“The mirror is on break.” A girl dressed all black clothes remarked. “It put me in charge.” " I love this line!
You have a few grammar and spelling errors, probably from typing this up quickly. "heated glazes" (gazes) "Her new undercover persona" (It's a fragment unless you add 'in' before 'her') " Literally he was along with his cohorts." (is this a surprise, that he is literally there, or is he literally drooling? If the latter, why does this involve his cohorts?) "take an easy on guys like you" (what's 'an easy'?) "Where is the whip and chains?” (where ARE...) "Oophs." (Oops.) "He pulled the ripped jeans and Hot Topic shirt off well." (Not really a typing error, but is he really stripping?) "Iris Chander that has gone here" (who has gone here)
I'd like to mention that your names so far in this story seem to be following a bit of a formula- noun for a first name, color or other adjective for last (assuming that 'Lawder' resembles 'loiter' and that you realize that a 'chandler' is a profession). The main character names work, but the name Raven Black just stinks of cliche. You could even make a point with a name like hers- give her the preppiest name you can think of. Yes, I admit it- I'm a grammar and name freak. I do like the story, but the more I like something, the more issues I find with it.