Reviews for Excerpts from a letter, and other verses
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 11/2/2007
the first part is beautiful.. I really love the last stanza... parts 2 and 3 are so sad and powerful and the ending realization is awesome... I love how the parts flow
Dextera chapter 1 . 9/11/2007
"writing a letter to you. words flourish in a stagnant bloom;

I wait for the look on your face when you read it. I dream

about the contorted shape your face will take

when I let all of the love lean out of you; like a

shadow eclipsing itself"

This is my favorite part, hands down. To me, it's one of the most (if not the most) important parts of this poem. The conflict at a head: It's amazing. Keep up the amazing work and thanks so much for the review. :D
Chidori Nadare chapter 1 . 9/10/2007
Wow...everything in this is perfect. Word choice, emotions and stunning imagery, even the versing is so good. Powerful yet bitter. Keep writing!

-C.N
Unfairy chapter 1 . 9/6/2007
There's nothing greater than watching someone read a surprise.
Ayx chapter 1 . 9/4/2007
Your work is always filled with such imagery. I always find them more than appealing to read.

Ayx
Dale Christopher chapter 1 . 9/3/2007
You don’t need to be told that this is a very honest and well worded poem, but I will say that the word use was very interesting and that I did gain a lot from reading it. Amazing work.

-Daze
no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 9/3/2007
First of all, that first "verse" is perfection. It is truly gorgeous. I think my least favorite is the second verse, but it really isn't that big of a deal (kind of a letdown from the first, but it's hard to really capitalize on that verse). Overall, it's really nice, angsty, powerful, bitter. Nice work. Keep writing! :)
heresyisforlosers chapter 1 . 9/3/2007
beautiful word choice.

st
All Alone With Her Thoughts chapter 1 . 9/3/2007
Wow, so much emotion. A beautiful poem!

Thanks for all the reviews!

Rowan.
Definition chapter 1 . 9/3/2007
I'm really loving this piece. it's so deep and personal. i also like how you put everything into verses and such. Nice!

thanks for the review, as well :)
Julius Gillian chapter 1 . 9/3/2007
Grandiose. This poem is dripping with- and that's how it felt, a rapid river of anguish and hot rage melting words of acid across the page- emotion and turmoil. I think this is one of your very strong poems, it comes out very coherently.

It’s one of your very honest poems where it doesn’t try to hide much, but I do see word play like at the end with the ‘angles’. I notice when you’re fixated on describing a certain person that means something dear to you, you’re more open about your work. What I mean to say is, it’s less analyzing to do and more terse but passionate wording to swallow and read. It’s more honest than full of riddles and evasive to straight answers, that’s what my point is.

I could quote you on many things here, but I have too many favorites. Actually, I had two favorite/favorite parts. The beginning and the end.

'my apology drowns in your facetious

exuberance. waving truth down with a

wicker finger. an eye brow raised, hazed

by a adolescent silence, where I, burning

with need'

This is why I said this poem was 'dripping' with emotion. Your apology, your spirit, felt like it was drowning or descending. So from here on out everything seemed to be, quite honestly, fall apart. You get the sense shit really is hitting the fan. ‘drowns’ and ‘facetious’ are very juicy words to me. Actually, your words you use: apology, drowns, and facetious in the same sentence is very tasty to my mouth. Does that sound weird? When I read a poem, there’s a certain taste-to use a metaphor, that the narrator cooks for its reader-I’m always wondering what’s being made in the kitchen so to speak. That’s kind of why I like to put abstract qualities/unusual qualities to ordinary things and make it seem extraordinary. You recall in my other poem I used a line that read something like ‘Ears to sniff out their rumors to eat.’? It’s something like that. Word candy! But this isn’t like that, it’s more practical in putting certain words together. I like how you choose your words I guess is what I’m saying in all this jumble I’m writing.

'aftermath: I am not beloved. special. needed.

I am not his favorite. his only. I cannot be

all things to him. his view of me is a one-sided

one, while I look to him from all angles.'

Last stanza speaks out to me about the inevitable outcome of this battle, and I enjoyed the angle and one-sided play on words. What does it feel like to be alone, worse, to be alone when someone wants you to be alone because they either can't stand you, or, want nothing more to do with you? What if they love you sometimes, and hate you the next? What if you're becoming an interference in their life, and all you have left to feel is erotic, and passionate dreams locked in the past. It kind of makes me think how we tend to take the present for granted and cling to the past when situations become dire.

Once again you choose your words very carefully, each one like a marching soldier preparing for its own role in a battle ground. And to take one step further, I feel like this poem was set in a battleground both with the characters and internal assessments of themselves.

There's many things to pluck out of this poem, naturally. And you know what? I'm used to uncovering a million layers of unexpected meanings deep within the garden of your poetry.

I wish I could pin the nail on the head and get the 'absolute' feeling you wished to convey to your reader, rather than having me search for alternative routes to reach some other form of truth. You know, I feel it’s a great accomplishment when your readers can convey back to you exactly what you tried writing about. I think that’s an accomplishment, even if you’re writing about something indirectly, because it shows you can paint a picture. Along the same lines I guess, when I write more ‘facetious’ poetry I don’t expect any clean meaning at all. Like that dog poetry, and my Silky Silver Cheese Moon... interpret whatever you want, I don’t care. :P

I'm babbling.

Juliet! You've conveyed an extremely powerful emotion and stuck with it from beginning to end. I think the only chink in the fabric though was when I read across the eclipses. It felt, I don't know, too emphasized? Or that's how I felt when I read it. Perhaps the same effect could’ve been felt by breaking the lines apart. I don’t know how you try getting your readers to pay attention to certain words.

Anyway, I felt very much in love with this story. Especially with the four distinct sections you split each one in. Just like a letter. Oh! That’s another important aspect to mention, you have a special ability to turn your poetry into stories. I think I mentioned that before. You achieved that again.

Ps: You’ve finally got 400 poems on your account. Congratulations. *throws confetti over your head*

Please take care,

- Julian
orionschild chapter 1 . 9/2/2007
truly heartfelt. really sorrowful piece.

i'm sensing he doesnt love you as much as you do and sometimes the relationship goes through some turmoil and you dont wanna try anymore..good work girl (: