Reviews for Hypocrite
Tytherpol chapter 1 . 9/5/2007
Your style is unique, and I can always tell when you're the author of something. It's not "correct," exactly, but it is strong. And your formatting makes everything sound like it is the most crucial thing in the world at the moment. It's distinctive and not a thing to abandon.

This is a glaring piece-well done.
a crayonic revolution chapter 1 . 9/4/2007
I like this, but the format just seems a bit off...

If you want it to be prose, then please replace some of your so-loved commas with periods! The whole thing is like a dreadfully long run-on sentence.

If you want it to be a poem, insert some line breaks!

You should also cut out some of the excess...you seem to have a lot in here that just weighs down the piece. Here's an example:

"I don’t care, you still know how she cries herself to sleep, how she cuts herself, you know, how could you betray her?, she likes you, she trusts you, don’t do this to her, don’t do this to me, my faith in human goodness is already worn, it can’t stand this blow, this complete collapse of integrity from somebody I trusted, please don’t do this,"

Could be condensed into:

"You still know how she cries herself to sleep, how she cuts herself, how could you betray her?, she likes/trusts you (-just choose either likes or trusts-), don’t do this to her, don’t do this to me (-you could even just choose either "to her" or "to me" instead of having both-), my faith in human goodness is already worn, it can’t stand this blow, this complete collapse of integrity from somebody I trusted,"

Otherwise, it's good. Just give it some form (I think it would work best as a poem).