Reviews for Lady of the Black Heart
SabrinaJ chapter 3 . 10/19/2008
Wow! I love the start to your story, very promising. But it feels like it was over and finshed all too soon. Your chapters are slightly shorter than most,perhaps they could be consolidated into one larger chapter? Intrigued by the letter in the chest and can't wait to read more!
inkspatters chapter 3 . 10/19/2008
Review Marathon! Link in my profile!

Wait, I don't understand? I thought that Marien was in on the secret that she was an assassin? What happened?

Okay, I really don't understand what's going on here, I think you need to make it more clear whether or not Marion is in on Alinea's secret or not, because otherwise this chapter makes no sense.

However, I did like that you added a new level of depth to Alinea this chapter. Now we can see her as a cold assassin who will do whatever is required of her, including killing her friend. Ah, sad, but very interesting.

I'm putting you on alert, because you've managed to capture my attention with your characters and good writing, but I really would like you to tell me what happened in this chapter. I'm probably just stupid, but I don't understand it.
inkspatters chapter 2 . 10/19/2008
Ohh, the plot thickens. So she's the best assassin in the land and is a beautiful, charming girl. This reminds me of Queen of Glass, have you read that? If not, you should. It's wonderful.

Anyway, I think that Marien's introduction was a good advance and I liked her as a character, since you've given her a good sense of humour. I'm still liking your plot and I liked the dialogue a lot more this chapter.

One thing I didn't like was that the fourth paragraph felt like you had made a jump to a new place/scene and that threw me for a while. Maybe you could make your meaning more obvious here?

Other than that wonderful,

inkspatters chapter 1 . 10/19/2008
For the Review Marathon! Link in my profile!

This story seems to have a really dynamic plot with strong characters, so those are two things in it's favour. I didn't really like the dialogue, I think you lost it there and need to go back and make that stronger, it just felt a little bit wishy-washy and I thought it could have used more action to go along with it. Also, each time a new speaker talks introduce a new paragraph.

Aside from those few things, I thought this was a brilliant, very well written piece.
Counting Petals chapter 5 . 9/28/2007
I agree with desertrozea. This is a very well-written and interesting story, but we don't know much about the characters or the setting. We can imply some things - obviously something happened to make Alinea to make her so cynical and bitter, and to make her dislike (loathe?) her father, but at the same time, we don't know her motivations, and there's no compelling reason to root for her. At the moment she just kills people for a living, and why should we support that? On the other hand, we don't have any real reason why we shouldn't want Landen killed. Other than that, great job!
DogDaysUnleashed chapter 5 . 9/22/2007
I like the plot and the way you string words together. The only thing that sort of makes me...hesitant to say this is a great story is the pace. I realize that it fits the tone, but I think it would be a lot more realistic if the story was slowed down a bit and you added some detail. Judging from your style of writing thus far, I think you would have no problem at all working some in here. Right now, we don't know a whole lot about the characters or setting. I would like to know more. I would like to know a lot more. Despite this, I really like the story anyway.
Counting Petals chapter 4 . 9/18/2007
Another good chapter. I look forward to the next one!
Counting Petals chapter 3 . 9/18/2007
An attempt to draw her out into the open, maybe? Ending it where you did was a good way to get us to keep going.
Aurora Lavender chapter 4 . 9/18/2007
YAY! Every time I start to get into the story it's over, lol...I can't wait to see what happens next!
Aurora Lavender chapter 3 . 9/17/2007
WOW wow wow...I want more...more more more! This was good, but they need to be longer chapters, lol.
Counting Petals chapter 2 . 9/13/2007
The only thing I noticed was when you shifted to where she was talking to the servant - you might want to make that a little clearer, put in a line or something so we know. Other than that, this story seems really interesting so far, and I can't wait to read more!
Aurora Lavender chapter 2 . 9/12/2007
I love the descriptions and the dialogue in this chapter. I seriously can't wait to find out what happens...more, more more!
Aurora Lavender chapter 1 . 9/12/2007
Wow, this is going to be a fascinating story. I'm already impressed.