|Reviews for The Chase|
| TaltushMeiMei chapter 1 . 9/7/2007
First off, it's 24K gold that's pure. It's softer and easier to mold, but not as strong. Other karats are percentages of gold mixed with other metals. Random, I know, but I felt like clearing that up from the beginning.
Okay. Now onto the actual poem. It actually took me a few moments to realize that this poem was a rhyming poem. Nice job with maintaining a good flow with the rhymes (except for thoughts/wrought. Wrought is a bit... strange to have). It all felt very natural and not quite as forced as they tend to be. On the other hand, there's an inconsistency issue with the format. Mostly, lines are the same lengths. That's good for two reasons. The first is an unobstructed flow, the second a general easy readability score. However, here and there you have extremely long, out-of-place lines. "Am I still victim..." drags on and on, and when I tried reading this aloud, I felt that it completely threw the poem out of whack and also just didn't fit. I'd try finding a way to make it shorter and fit better, or perhaps just change that couplet into something that says effectively the same thing but maintains a better flow.
Regarding content, it's a bit long. A bit rambling. But it's quite beautiful as well. It's got a lot more emotion and feeling than the very short poems, but it's also got the sort of, "Okay, read three stanzas... ahh, still six more to go!" It started to drag near the middle. I see how each stanza is important, but for some readers, the length issue may deter. Some stanzas started to feel repetitive as well. I'd try to see if maybe you can't cut it back just a bit, making it more reader friendly.
Overall, I really like this. It's got some minor issues that I think a good edit could fix easily, but it's also got some great descriptions, imagery, and emotion. It's well-written, ambitious, and overall very well done. Great job.