Reviews for Ichthyo
no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 1/9/2009
This is gorgeous. I have every intention of reading these all eventually, as long as I know that's going to take me. But for now, this poem. I love all the images of this girl, just magical and endearing. I love the line, "she's streets lined with dust and ice." So different and interesting. Beautiful poem. Keep writing! :)
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 9 . 12/28/2008
"I drizzled over his arms" - this is a cute line for melting when someone talks to you. At least I hope that's what it means. Your poems don't make a whole lot of sense. :P

I love the first stanza of this, since the title said that this poem is about obsession - The first stanza perfectly captures obsession in a simple image. Nice. :)

-Jesse

Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 8 . 12/28/2008
Oh, I like the use of "Your move", especially with envy and lust in between. :) It's playful and sinister at the same time.

You have a nice solid GREEN theme going on in this poem, which gives it unity and goodness to the poem. However, you brought up red in the middle stanza, and you don't use it in either the first or last stanza... I wish you had used it in other places than just in the middle.

-Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 7 . 12/28/2008
Nowhere is one word.

I like this: "Congratulations / You're a freak of statistics" It's comical, and a clever thought. :)

Why is "Be glad" in italics and "Congratulations" in ()'s? They do not need your emphasis. :P The words are powerful enough to stand on their own. You don't have to make them look cool. It looks sorta tacky that way.

I very much like how you separated the line: "Imagine how terrible it would / Be." It's the only line you do that with, and it gives it an emphasis. The line "If you were stuck / At the gut" is kinda weird, though. It almost seems like you were trying to rhyme the two, since gut is such an odd word to use there. It's distracting.

-Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 6 . 12/28/2008
I like this one the best so far. I love the scientific terminology mixed with beautiful mythological images... it provides a nice contrast. :)

"Steel on steel violence" is a clever descriptive image. I like it. :)

I don't understand why "She writes" is in italics. It doesn't need that emphasis - it does fine standing on its own, haha.

-Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 5 . 12/28/2008
I like how many of the couplets seem to end in a sentence incomplete, since it leaves the reader to fill in the blanks in their mind. However, I wish you had been consistent with it. Some of them end in perfectly complete sentences, and others don't. Uniformity would've been nice. :)

"Their faces look like mine!" I like this line. It is such an obvious observation, like something a child would say... but it's important, and you emphasize it with the ! at the end. Great job there.

-Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 4 . 12/28/2008
I don't understand the "50z" at the end. Did you mean 50's? Or like... 50 oz? Maybe I'm not smart enough to read your poems, hahaha. :P

I love the line "You still reading?" 'cause it reaches out and grabs the reader and makes them remember that this is a poem. It reminds me of one of Mark Haddon's poems, talking about trees, and he says "We lost this battle a long time ago. / Look at you, / You're reading poetry." Anyway. Good job!

Again, I don't like the random slash in "Americans have proven / we do it best!" There is no consistency in it. If you used /'s throughout your poem, I could see it having a function... but randomly in the middle of lines for no reason, it just looks tacky and cheap.

-Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 3 . 12/28/2008
Again with the beautiful word mastery and gorgeous images. This is all fabulous. The entire poem is full of mysterious details. It's great.

"After your face and my fist crackle / like hot oil weighing down on water." This was my favourite image. It was very original. Great job!

I don't understand what the / were for in the line about dust and house trim. It's unnecessary and, I think, cheapens the poem with a silly attempt at looking cool. Punctuation does fine without the / help, haha.

-Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 2 . 12/28/2008
Why is there a / after "hot wax streaming"? Is that a tpyo?

Well this is absolutely intriguing. I haven't a clue what you are talking about, but you have lots of clever wordings. The entire thing is one giant mass of complex images and word mastery. Congratulations!

I love how "Hurry" is on its own line - it gives it a sense of urgency. I also like the line "I quoted you to God". It's a beautiful image. :)

-Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 1 . 12/28/2008
You dream in Spanish? I find you awesome immediately.

I took two years of Spanish, so the only things I know how to say in are things like "su gato es en mi pantalones. m bien gato." So forgive me if I only review the English portion of this. :)

I liked the lines in italics the most. :) They were cleverly worded stage directions. Nice!

I never would have thought to have different characters speaking in different punctuation symbols (I guess that's what you'd call those). It works very well. Clever idea, too. Although, who is the stars? * these* ?

-Jesse

Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
Solemn Coyote chapter 15 . 12/25/2008
This is pretty cool. I'm not sure I have it in me to do an in-depth review at the moment, but the imagery here was lovingly brutal and the whole piece had much more of a rhythm than I've ever been able to get out of my free-verse. I read the poem to the tune of "sing a song of six pence" and that fit it pretty nicely.

-SC
AlloysAndHeart chapter 1 . 11/10/2008
I actually love this, the urban feel is intense and the references you play with are beautifully pointed to me. I love the line about the "jaundiced, bulbous clouds", as well as the Mama quote and the effervescent cola.

Also loved the "yucca root" line, very tactile, as is "blinds the day down". Beautiful. One of the weaker lines (I think) is the top of the last stanza about the violets. Your work is so intense and I think this one is a little weak compared to the other lines because it didn't convey as much to me. Different wording maybe?

All in all though, amazing!
Carys Miles chapter 1 . 8/4/2008
It's good. The last part is the best, wonderfully described with powerful language and extended metaphor. The first section gets clunky. The word play is good in this section "cars, stars, scars, scabs, stabs, etc" but the spacing is a bit clunky. Maybe work with spacing. Overall though, really interesting! Nice job.
Mourning Sickness chapter 1 . 6/6/2008
Quite well-written, and I love the imagery.
Baticul chapter 2 . 6/5/2008
Oh dear...anyway, nice imagery. I would like to think of holidays as meaningful, but we all know there are holidays that are basically an excuse to get totally shitfaced, for example, cinco de mayo. Haha.
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