|Reviews for Around your Finger|
| fatbird33 chapter 1 . 4/13/2009
o i really like the shape of sorrow thing.
| underrose chapter 1 . 1/17/2008
are you armenian? DD it;s fun to see somebbody who actually knows what that is.
anyways, your poem was amazing.
graphic, obscene, and amazing.
| I.O.K.O chapter 1 . 1/17/2008
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 11/2/2007
i like how you describe her you can definitely picture her.. I also really love the ending.. its so sad, but beautiful
| cynth ballerina chapter 1 . 10/25/2007
This is so... sweet. It's just so sweet on the tip of my tongue.
Your voice is so unique and strong, I can swim in it.
I loved this.
| Leo chapter 1 . 9/27/2007
This is deep with good imagery keep it up!
| The Words You Wish You Said chapter 1 . 9/20/2007
This is a very moving poem.
It reminds me of an old friend.
Don't ever stop writing.
| Lux d'Marcs chapter 1 . 9/16/2007
Very vivid. I find it interesting how she seems to insinuate power one moment, only for you to unveil her weakness at the end.
| Julius Gillian chapter 1 . 9/14/2007
I find it amazing that I find myself doing things or living certain experiences prior to a poem, like this, that I can identify with so perfectly. It's very supernatural.
'She is royalty;
a later incarnation
of a sexual ancestry.'
This tastes so god damn sweet. Wow. I love how concise this is, and how it manages to remind me of all the ancient sexual pleasure chanted, been committed, for millenniums. It's like a gospel of sex, it's touches my heart even though I couldn't possibly fathom the depth of knowledge of it. These lines take a step further and incarnate this 'sexual royalty' into a person, and I believe this is where I think of this poem parallel with what happened to me just last night. School party, I remember standing by 'the' most beautiful girl I've ever met. Allow me to go on to say, despite all my years of traveling I can't compare anyone with her. So these lines are very real to me. I almost feel like these lines define her in a heavy way. The way she walks, it's not careless, it's like she's inherited something down from a goddess. That's not exaggerated at all. These are priceless lines.
'She is butterscotch,
this milky girl
so smooth, they all swoon'
I find a lot of poems recently that share this kind of interpretation of a beautiful girl. Like 'milky, slender, silky.' Butterscotch was an unprecedented choice though! But the words that I just described are almost cliché to me. Just like this particular line: "She's too beautiful for words". I've seen it done a million times, so much, that it doesn't mean anything anymore.
However, I find myself running into a similar problem. How do I describe something so quick with all of its meaning? Can I do that in writing, or is it like giving an oral speech where you later realize something else could be added? I suppose that's inevitable in a way because we're always improving. You look at one of your poems from a month or now I'm sure you'll see flaws. But there are some poems that have this eternal voice...
Armenian Princess -
I’ve learned to laugh when she laughs.
Listen to her tangled tales'
From the previous stanza and this, I feel a sense of inferiority, or if not inferiority, some kinda of longing that you'd like to be presented with. The character here, to me, wants to mimic the way this gorgeous girl works, and hopefully be just as beautiful. Take that as you like. And if she doesn't feel inferior, maybe she feels a jealous sadness. That every time this girl has some kind of strong emotion well up in her, someone is there to comfort her. She doesn't, she has to manage her time alone, she has to stay organized or she'll be called an emotional baggage. Maybe she copies her because she secretly hates her, and wants to show the world she can be pretty too. I can relate to this piece with myself, and I can symbolically place this over my sister's head. Let me tell you something about Asia. Asians are typically tan, or dark skinned. My sister is paper white, or close to it. She hates her skin color despite most the girls I know that would die for that skin color, go to beauty salons for their skin (or whatever it is woman do) and compliment her. It's like talking to a wall. She's a house divided in herself! But she's young, she'll grow out of it. Anyway, I think there was a reason you chose plain words in this stanza: and that's because the character you were conveying here was just that, plain.
‘I’m wrapped around his finger’ she says
defeated, cocks her head to the side, arms’
Two beautiful pieces of imagery I took her: The fallacy of beauty, and the word ‘cock’ which connected with the first line. How can you be sure anyone really loves you if you’re beautiful? Why can’t anyone see that? Are you a product of beauty almost like you are to your genes, to your environment? It’s a puzzle and you really can’t be sure. And what’s worse is the pressure to be beautiful and to be a role model for the rest of the girls that won’t, stop, stalking you. Obsessed fanatics that spend their time talking about you. I might write a poem about that. Hey, I think I did already haha.
It’s very interesting you use the word ‘cock’ here. I think you did that on purpose, because it immediately left a separate impression when I first read it despite the innocence of the second line. Or maybe I’m just diving too far into this because I’m on a roll. But this ties into my first interpretation: How can a girl blessed with an ancient beauty know from true love to true lust? Is a guy really out to love her or please his ‘cock’?
‘fold protectively over her breasts’
That line just reinforces what I just wrote. It is almost unnecessary because from my point of view, you described enough information in the previous two lines. Well done, in other words. I wish fictionpress had emoticons. I’d give you thumbs up then.
‘she takes the shape of sorrow.’
Al right, perfect closing line. Exit, stage right! Kind of what I just said. I think of dried fruit for some reason reading this line. I don’t interpret anything much from this line, or the one before this though. You really painted a very clear picture for me when you wrote ‘‘I’m wrapped around his finger’ she says/defeated, cocks her head to the side, arms’ ‘
This is an exceptional poem Juliet. I think even if you were to look back at this poem in a months time, a years time, a lifetime... this has a powerful voice. Do you remember writing your poem ‘Justin’? I find it kind of similar, this one. But I think this is a modification of Justin because instead of using Cleopatra, as a symbol, or description… whatever... you, by the first stanza, described just how indescribable beauty really is. Instead of saying ‘her beauty was beyond words’, you took the next few steps up from what an amateur (I think) would write, and wrote a masterful poem. And if I may take 'that' a step further, your talent must make you very beautiful to people. I mean, despite this torment of one being 'holier than thou' or 'more beautiful than thee', this blessing you have for writing is something not even beauty can compare with. I believe the heart is the last thing to age. I think, being a writer or a poet, both even, allows the spirit in you to last. So all those stupid men that don't see shit are going to wake up one day and realize just how special you are. It might be too late for them then.
Ps; I wake up to check my mail, find this poem, and write this long review. I think that's a good mind stimulation for one morning 'ey?
Keep writing writer!
| no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 9/14/2007
The last line is heartbreaking. I love the second stanza - "She is butterscotch, this milky girl." Beautiful. Of course, I adore food metaphors in poetry in the first place. :) It's an interesting piece. Keep writing! :)
| Ashelin chapter 1 . 9/14/2007
I'd like to breathe in that last line and exhale it as if the letters would break off my lungs and disappear. Anyway, this is lovely. I especially loved, "I've learned to laugh when she laughs./Listen to her tangled tales/of love, worn, and sworn."
Truly, a beautiful poem as always.
| DarkBlysse chapter 1 . 9/14/2007
"She stands so solidly apart from the word-" Is that meant to be 'word' or 'world'? Just wondering.
Wonderful piece, I must say! I especially liked "of love, worn, and sworn."
| xfail chapter 1 . 9/14/2007
This is beautiful. I can see so many ways to interpret this, and yet those interpretations don't distract from the calm sophistication of it. Very interesting piece; you did a wonderful job.