|Reviews for Secrets Untold|
| DWF222 chapter 1 . 2/9/2013
Okay, I love, love, love your writing style! I thought it was really good, but sometimes it was difficult to read because at some parts you forgot to move onto a different line when you changed speakers. Also, I just noticed that you use adverbs a lot (ex. geniunely, quickly, reluctantly). It's okay to use them sometimes when it's important to specify how the action is being performed, but overall you want to avoid them because they weaken your writing. Don't worry, all these minor things are easy to fix :) But overall GREAT chapter!
| anna chapter 8 . 12/22/2010
oh my gosh! this story was soo good! i loved it! your an amazing writer.
| non.graceful chapter 1 . 10/2/2010
i'd read this but it's too painful to read. (When you have different characters speaking you need to put it into a new sentence eg.
"Hi" said Josh
"What's up," exclaimed Rye.
not. "Hi' said josh. "What's up" said Rye.
I hope you enjoyed my english lesson)
if you fix your spelling i'd read this.. but right now i'll check out all ur work
| disappearing in the shadow chapter 8 . 9/14/2009
awwh poor mack. that is mad messed up what kale did.
i would give my life for my friends and family. i would give my life to save a life. i would give up my life for someone so i can die knowing i sacrificed myself for others. i would give up my life but not without fighting.
i guess kale doesnt think like people like me.
i really love this story. it truly shows what the war does to teens, how their life is in danger as there is war all around them. awesome job.
| wilted paper flowers chapter 8 . 11/5/2007
Is there any chance of an epilogue? A sequel is probably not possible.
Anyhow, very nice story. I look forward to reading your other works.
| Jit705 chapter 8 . 10/17/2007
That was so sad. There is no other way to put it. But at the same time it was amazing it made my emotions go through many rollarcoasters in just four chapters. Please do a squel, or even just a one shot of Ashton finding alyssa when they are like 35 after the war, it was so scary yet realistic. I can't wait to read more of your writing.
| lightheart77 chapter 1 . 9/29/2007
this is a good idea you have.
| ShatteredSword chapter 6 . 9/27/2007
AGH! you've got me totally and completely hooked on this! plz plz plz write more soon, i need to know what happens!
| ShatteredSword chapter 5 . 9/26/2007
OMG YOU HAVE GOT TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER PLZPLZPLZPLZ! i am totally hooked on this story i wanna know what happens to ashton i'm hooked on him! you could get this published!
| Frosted Cranberry chapter 4 . 9/24/2007
It's really, really good! Where are they? Update SOON! Your story's very interesting and definitely original.
| Counting Petals chapter 4 . 9/21/2007
Sorry I didn't get to this sooner! I've been busy packing...
Haha, the Eskimo thing reminded me of when the physics kids had to make bridges out of toothpicks. There were some really, really flimsy ones...
| Counting Petals chapter 3 . 9/17/2007
I'm assuming that wherever they are (I dunno if you ever mentioned it) is being attacked, based on what happened in the last chapter. So if this is so, would they really be going to the beach, where they'd be so exposed?
Oh, ok. They're in Australia. I thought so, with the way the characters were all speaking.
| Counting Petals chapter 2 . 9/16/2007
Hiding in the girls' bathroom Awkward. I loved it.
I can't wait to find out what actually happened.
| Counting Petals chapter 1 . 9/14/2007
I think the premise for this story is interesting, interesting enough that I want to read further. The only suggestion I have is that when you have a new speaker, you start a new paragraph. It was sort of hard to follow who was speaking here. Other than that, great start!
| thecheezburgergoddess chapter 1 . 9/14/2007
omg i cant wait to get more of this story, you really set my heart pounding at the start! it sounds so interesting! im new on fictionpress and i just started a story too!
over and out