|Reviews for Pressure Point High Revised|
| Gogoh chapter 1 . 9/30/2007
Ah, I haven't read the original one but it's quiet fascinating the way my fingers dance to review an interesting story! I wasn't catching up well in the first parahs but slowly my lazy brain caught up and I also liked it. Well we cannot judge the characters since the writer has created them that way, so it's been nothing but a good night off sleep for me!
| Saturdai chapter 1 . 9/26/2007
I really liked (okay, so liked isn't really an accurate word for it, but w/e) how well you described the fights between Aya and her father. They really packed a powerful punch (yes, pun intended). Also: you have very good concrete definitions of people. Kurt, especially. I can visualize him as "the good ol' American boy". You have powerful verbs, which aren't cliche (and cliche is something I know we both strive to avoid.) I like (again, using like loosely, considering how I abhor violence) how Bret's description are subtly leaning towards violence. Your descriptions of the school scene are very accurate as well.
However...(isn't there always a but?) I get that Rae's a people-watcher, but she's a little too creepily observant. I get that Kurt's a little bit obsessed with Aya, but c'mon. I also think you need to make the characters a little more distinct. Really infuse yourself into the characters. At some points, I just feel like, "Woah, de ja vu".
All in all, it's much better. (Well, duh.) But it's also very good, even if someone hasn't read the original P.P.H.
Good luck, hon.