|Reviews for It's Too Late|
| inkyrosebud chapter 1 . 10/1/2010
Wow. That was rather sad. Steve is a bastard. The idea of it being a book at the end was a nice touch. But unfortunately,I now have the tune of Never Too Late running through my head but with the words Its Too late. :( But awesome and sad story, I'm going to check out your page now.
| panemonia chapter 1 . 4/2/2008
This is nice, she actually wrote the whole experience into a book.
But there is a part i do not understand.
Since Jessica likes Andrew, why does she have such a big reaction when Andrew talks about Steve?
Yup that's my only doubt.
It was well written.
| Purple Summer chapter 1 . 2/2/2008
Hey i really liked your story, there were some problems with the wording though and the sentance structure that you need to work on.
You switched tenses a couple of times which makes the story a bit harder to read. Here are a few sentances i had trouble with.
"There were none in which he doesn't like. " could be, "There was nothing about her he didn't like"
"You had been blinding accusing Steve ever since we're getting closer." should be 'blindingly'
"Smokes around the gun faded off eventually, and Steve was still smiling at Andrew's dead body." could be "the smoke around the gun faded eventually, but Steve was still smiling at Andrew's dead body."
". Her final words before she leave was her wish of Jessica " "before she left" is the right tense.
There were a couple more which just shows that you need to proof read your work before you post it more carefully. I know i always have to go through everything again because when i right i'm so focused on the story i forget about my spelling and things like that.
I really liked the way you made it all a book in the end, it's a great idea, kind of like a dream sequence.
I hope you don't mind me giving you these corrections but i'd love to read your story again when its all corrected and finished.
| MoroseFelicity chapter 1 . 11/14/2007
"A female teenager mumbled with so much of passionate" well thats definitely wrong grammar...though i think its just a typographical error. Well, i think that the way you write is so far the best (from all that i've read). It isn't choppy or blunt. Though...your storyline is a BIT cheesy. Just a bit :D. Try another genre instead of romance; i think you'll do better in other genres.
| sdffds chapter 1 . 11/8/2007
It's sweet, and sad. Is Andrew really Steil? I think there were a few grammar errors, but it's all good. :)
| SpiralDots chapter 1 . 11/8/2007
I like the story itself, and it's quite nice.
Except as a whole it has quite bad grammar and some parts really need worked on. Too many to list here but I'll show a few examples.
". Her eyes followed the sentence and continue reading until the very end."
Either a spelling mistake where you meant to type "continued" or you got mixed up in your tenses.
"Before her feelings overtook her, Jessica's lips had came into a near-contact with her best-friend's lips. "
Again, another mistake as it should be "had come" or just "lips came"
In general, reading it is quite jerky and you forget commas in quite a few places such as "It was a letter which Andrew ". There ought to be a comma between letter and which.
I did enjoy it, but I feel it could be greatly improved by going through thoroughly and really sharpening everything up until it flows as smooth as possible.
| FrankCastleCM09 chapter 1 . 11/1/2007
Wow... this is fantastic. Sad and grim and tragic. I like the way you start things out and its a bit confusing at first, really makes you think and you don't get the full picture until the very end. I was very moved. Great job :)
| idontwannapopuponsearchengines chapter 1 . 10/31/2007
It starts out in such desperation and confusion- there was a lot of emotion and I didn't know what was first I was confused-who is the victim here? Why didn't she believe Andrew-or was he lying about Steve? But when it became more clear, oh God, I wanted to cry. How did they come to this point? I will never hesitate to tell someone how I feel again. ever. That's just-it took a big toll on my mind.
Some things were unclear. They are assassins? I didn't notice that until a lot later.
I'm sorry. i need to go read it again and probably cry some more.
| Terrance Riverdarb chapter 1 . 10/19/2007
Forgive me if this seems overly negative, but I sometimes prefer to point out mistakes than to give general commentary (as it is easier to do, and more beneficial to the author).
Right off the bat you need to watch out for grammar. "There was definitely a sound of gunshot" while it makes sense, is grammatically questionable. "There was definitely the sound of a gunshot" sounds a lot better while conveying the exact same thought it more or less the same way. Also in paragraph four you use the word "bloods" twice. That should be "blood".
Another thing I noticed is tense switching. Just one example: P5 sentence 4, you switch into the present tense, while the rest of the story is being told in the past tense.
That aside, sometimes the way you construct some phrases seem a bit odd. Like "field of vision" i know what you mean, but I just can't imagine using that word in everyday life when i think about what somebody is looking at. Maybe focus...it's a lot easier on the mind.
I find it would be good if you did some outside reading, not really on FP (athough there are a few good stuff here), but published novels from genrally accepted authors in the genre of your choice. It helps to get a field of what kind of contructs work for that genre, and what is acceptable. I'm not telling you to copy anybody's style though.
I do hope you take my comments into consideration. I mean, not all, but those that make sense to you, and think of ways to work on them. It's how we grow
| Greatheart chapter 1 . 10/9/2007
Your first sentence doesn't make sense. It looks to me like it's just an innocent mistake though.
Watch your sentence structure and your wording. "As she approaches the stairs nearer and nearer, the anxiety of what's going on the other side overtakes her curiosity." This is very awkward and I think you're missing a word after "going on." It might be better if you rework it to something like this, "As she gets nearer and nearer to the stair, her anxiety for what's happening on the other side overtakes her curiosity." Things like awkward sentence structure and general small errors can often be easily caught and fixed if you try reading your story aloud. I do this a lot myself. Then it's easy to see if something just doesn't sound right.
Watch your basic grammar rules, like how/when to make adjectives plural.
It's a very interesting story. And your imagery is sometimes quite poetic. I would like to see where you would take it if you ever make it into anything but a one-shot. Your ideas are good, but you should review some basic rules of grammar and word-usage. Having a friend prooread before posting can often help.
| wyckydgoddess chapter 1 . 9/27/2007
This is good. It seems like you put alot of thought into it. Nice Work