Reviews for Sympathy For The Zombie
Twilight Starr chapter 9 . 10/16/2007
It looks like Aidan's wound will at least be treated even if they're in the middle of a zombie camp.

~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr chapter 8 . 10/16/2007
Uh-oh. What's going to happen next?

I must read more.

P.S. I'll get around to reading your other stories eventually if I remember.

~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr chapter 7 . 10/16/2007
Swimming lessons! That part was great especially when he says it wasn't a joke. ;)

~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr chapter 6 . 10/16/2007
I agree with her. A gun would be so much cooler.

Lol, she slapped him for nestling him on the shoulder. That was great!

I would be so scared if someone put a gun into my hand and told me to shoot.

Great chapter.

Thanks for your review of my story "Punishing the Tormentor of the Starved". I really appreciate it.

~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr chapter 5 . 10/15/2007
Her confessed love of the binder was hialirous!

Great chapter.

~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr chapter 4 . 10/15/2007
Nice foreshadowing with the ending sentence of this chapter.

~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr chapter 3 . 10/15/2007
Interesting chapter.

So it wasn't a guitar after all. . .

~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr chapter 2 . 10/15/2007
I love your character's narration.

Good start.

Good luck with writing, this story, and life.

Have an excellent day.

~Twilight Starr~
Disturbly chapter 2 . 10/11/2007
Hello, then. I'm Disturbly. I'll be reviewing your story today.

I like zombies, and this looked like it would be worth the read. Commentary ensues:

1)Thanks to Leinnansidhe for the review:D Check out some of his stuff! He's a good writer.

Not part of your story per se, but I agree with you there. Leinnan does good work; you've obviously got taste.

2)With one final farewell glance, I tore my eyes away from my locker. Its flaking yellow paint gave me a fond little wave before I began my slow descent down the stairs.

Goodbye high school. Hello...um...crap.

And we're off to a good start. Clever, interesting, establishes your tone and writing tense, and begins to introduce us to your narrator.

3)All I knew was, once I clamored down that horrible staircase, that was it. Kaput. End of this scene one, folks. Begin intermission.

A good metaphor for your protagonist ending one phase of life and starting another, but the phrase "this scene one" is a bit clumsy. You may want to axe either the word "this" or "one". You may also want to change it to "end of act one"; it would reinforce the play/ movie metaphor.

4)My ideal last day of school would entail an impressively executed hop into my 1970 Impala(a girl can dream, can't she?) and then a drive over to my folks place with a witty, attractive boyfriend nestled safely in the passenger seat. After packing up a few stray items from my 'old' room, we'd take off in the direction of my apartment. Then we would make passionate, steamy love.

And so you reveal your character's gender, sexual preference, living situation, and fantasy life, without making it seem clunky or expositional. In addition, it was just a clever line. Although "folks" should have been possessive, and there should have been a space between "Impala" and the first parenthesis... Parenthesi? How the hell do you make that singular, anyway? Who knows...

5)I'm not a genius in any sense of the word. I am not overly attractive, nor am I athletic to the point where my skills warrant a scholarship. All I have going for me is the inability to keep sarcastic comments to myself.

You reveal your character's flaws here, but by having her narrate it, you imply more; your protagonist comes off as self-aware, and honest, but not emo. First person was the right way to go in this.

6)Higher education doesn't want me, nor are my parental units waiting with open arms.

"Parental units". I like that; I've been referring to my little sister as "primary sibling unit" for something like a year now.

7)Now this will sound incredibly cliche' but, esteemed readers, I am sure that you will understand that all cliche's generally have some truth to them.

Yeah, the apostrophes you're using to simulate the accent mark? You may want to just drop those. People will know what you're talking about, and hopefully they'll understand that getting accent marks and tildes on is an utter bitch. The apostrophes don't accomplish anything except possibly to make it more confusing; I had to spend a tenth of a second wondering whether "cliche's" was supposed to be possesive or a contraction.

8)All the girls knew he'd look good if he would only combed that curly brown mop of hair, clipped his fingernails, and smiled every once in a while.

Verb tense; "would only combed", "clipped", "smiled" doesn't work. You should just drop the word "would".

9)But no, he's gotta be a non-conformist, what with his Credence Clearwater Revival t-shirts and mystery novels.

Damn it; now you've got me craving CCR, and my brother's borrowing that CD right now. Styx is leaving me unsatisfied. You will be punished for this...

10)I whimpered softly, dismay sloshing coldly around in my stomach.

Nice metaphor.

11)Naturally, I did what any other sane person would. I decided to follow him.

Well, obviously; nothing says "I love you" like a restraining order... I chuckled when I read that part.

12)Aidan opened his eyes, confusion clouding the pristine blue of his iris's.

"Irises". We don't pluralize words that end in an "s" with an apostrophe; we add an "es".

13)"Sasafrass." I said matter of factly.

Funny; but that period should have been a comma.

14)"I'll take that as a no."

"Good choice."

I like that dialogue.

15)He looks startled for a moment, thought it over, and nodded reluctantly.

Verb tense; "looked".

16)"Well Lillian, so long as you're paying."

Was that a grin I detected?

Ah; love in is the air. Unless that was tear gas I just smelled...

Anyway, a nice beginning; your syntax, spelling, and grammar are good, and your narration is interesting. Lillian is quirky, and fun to read about, and while you haven't went on to any great lengths about Aidan, I assume you're just keeping him enigmatic at this point. It works.

I can't really think of any flaws you need to work on, so, I'll assign you one: the way you've typed this, it's hard for the blind to read it. Fix that. Type it in brail, and post that on the internet.

-Disturbly.
Dellarose chapter 1 . 10/8/2007
You have offended me greatly. I wish to file a complaint. Or do battle, whichever you prefer.
Dellarose chapter 14 . 10/7/2007
Ugh, I just want to reach into the story and hand her a gameboy.

Yay! Good writing in this chapter. I hope this reaches novel/story proportions. You should definitely turn it into an epic or something. _
Dellarose chapter 13 . 10/3/2007
Woot! I really love this short story, therefore, I'd support you if you transformed it to a regular story. In fact, I'd downright be giddy. But I have to ask, do you have an outline? Do you know how many chapters it might be?

I don't see it ending (nor do I wish it to end) anytime soon, but I'm just a third party observer. I have no clue what’s going on in your clever little brain. Whatever you do (as long as it does not involve permanently deleting this story) is fine with me. :)

And it was a great chapter! I loved the ACDC shirt detail for some reason. It had me laughing. But your writing is fantastic! The seriousness was well done. Haha!
Dellarose chapter 12 . 10/2/2007
"This is a VERY serious chapter!"

First line: "I was as tense as a spider's butt."

I HAD to point that out. It made me laugh for hours, figuratively. Ahaha, poor babies. Let them live, I beg you. This chapter was extremely short, and yet, it made me so happy (despite the serious subject matter, of course…well, that too actually.) Love it!
Leinnansidhe chapter 11 . 10/2/2007
YAY! By gosh, by golly, this chapter was good. I loved the words you chose for your descriptions. 'Jagged' has always been one where you can pack a punch quite nicely.

Squee. I want more! :D
Frosthold chapter 5 . 10/2/2007
Lol! Great ending, hilarious

-Frost
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